Red Nose Day

[ellejay]

Did anyone see the feature on dementia?

They were trying to show what dementia is like & featured a mum & daughter. The mum was talking about years ago, really happy, & then the daughter asked her where her husband was. The lady said he was away somewhere.

The daughter then reminded her mum that " Dad had a tumour, do you remember?, & it got worse & he died"

The lady's eyes filled with tears & she was really upset.

I accept they wanted to show the uninitiated what Dementia was like, but it seemed such a cruel example to use.

Later, though, we saw the lady at the day centre & she was saying how much she enjoyed it , it was good to have company as her husband was away in the army, so no harm done, but still...........

Lin x

 

[opaline]

Didn't see it but don't see the point in upsetting someone needlessly whether they have dementia or not. The poor woman obviously forgot why she was upset 5 minutes later so why?? Really cruel, x

 

[Pickles53]

I guess what we don't know is whether the daughter was in any prompted to ask the question or whether they simply chose that segment from a longer conversation. It may have been a spontaneous question from the daughter.

 

[Spamar]

I did see it and my immediate reaction is how cruel, that shouldn't be happening. Dementia friendly?? I think not. Send them compassionate commucation!

 

[Soobee]

I think it was important to show how cruel dementia is in taking your memories. People needed to see how it looked like it was the first time she had heard about her husband every time.

It might have seemed cruel to tell her but it certainly provoked a reaction and those reactions are what is needed to get people to think about dementia and to donate money. I think it was therefore acceptable to tell her the truth on this occasion, for the greater good of others who might benefit from the clip.

 

[Tin]

I did not see it, but I feel that it is important for people to see the consequences of memory loss. In my experience too many people think it is still a case of someone losing or forgetting where they have put something. They know very little about how stressful 'sundowning' can be. When my mum has a bad day I tend not to invite people to the house or cancel whatever activity I have planned. Some of my close friends have spent time with us and witnessed the stressful and upsetting behaviour, they are shocked and immediately want to learn more.

I suppose that may be the piece you are referring to would have been more acceptable if an actress had taken part, but would it have been as powerful?

 

[chrisdee]

On the whole, agree with Tin and Soobee. This is often a crucial question in capacity assessments, so it will come along at some point. Too many people associate dementia with merely 'forgetfulness'. Its hard to educate folk without real examples I feel. So many other aspects are oh so heart wrenching too, I'm sitting here sobbing now, Mum passed away 10 days ago.

 

[Witzend]

I think it was important to show how cruel dementia is in taking your memories. People needed to see how it looked like it was the first time she had heard about her husband every time.

It might have seemed cruel to tell her but it certainly provoked a reaction and those reactions are what is needed to get people to think about dementia and to donate money. I think it was therefore acceptable to tell her the truth on this occasion, for the greater good of others who might benefit from the clip.

I tend to agree. People with little idea about dementia are often stunned to hear that the person can't remember that someone has died, esp. when it's been a long time, like parents who have been dead for decades. A clip like this shows what memory loss can actually mean in practice.

I didn't see the clip, but it might have been helpful for someone to explain that the lady will forget again very quickly. People often seem to think that if you tell someone something often enough, surely it will eventually sink in. Though I will admit we thought that, too, when we were very new to it all with FIL.

 

[Perdita]

The only time I tell my mum that someone has died is when she says 'they're dead I suppose?' otherwise I just say they're somewhere close but I'm not sure where, it's vague but it seems to do the trick.