Red Face

[alfjess]

Hi All
I took my Mum to our local supermarket to-day. At the checkout which was quite busy, my Mum suddenly, very loudly and clearly (normally her sentences are nonsensical) asked me "What man are you living up with, now?" As heads turned I answered "the same man I have been married to for 33 years, Mother" Her reply didn't help, "You are married, I didn't know that, you never told ME"
I will now probably be the talk of the town
I don't know if I should be pleased with the clarity of her speach or hope it doesn't happen again, at least not in so public a place.
Alfjess

 

[mel]

Hi Alfjess
That made me smile!!!

About a year ago mum was very cross with me because she wasn't invited to our wedding 24 years ago......even though I got the wedding photos out to prove it!!

 

[Skye]

"What man are you living up with, now?":Alfjess

That's brilliant, Alfjess. You'll be having the Kirk round to check on your morals!

Made me laugh for the first time for days.

 

[Tender Face]

Well done Alfjess!

... being able to laugh ...

Me, mum and public places are pretty much a no-goer now - (more she can't cope with 'bustle') but public waiting areas (GPs etc) cannot be avoided.... she's at the stage where she's not lost her speech but has certainly lost her social graces! So when she declares loudly 'Oh, isn't he fat' or .... 'You'd think someone would tell her that colour doesn't suit her' etc I just want to curl up .....

Often I can laugh later (and yes to some extent I actually appreciate she does have the ability to make those judgements and observations) - but I also worry that mum could cause some real hurt to someone (never mind my embarrassment!) ...

Many moons ago, Nutty Nan raised this in response to something on a completely different thread .......

"Remember our various suggestions about discreet little cards we might carry with us, explaining awkward situations to third parties without compromising the dignity of our loved ones who suffer from AD by 'talking about them'?"

I don't know whose suggestions those were .... but with several more months of awkward situations since I personally would love to see that explored again ...... (or someone direct me to where the thread with the original ideas may be (pre 2006, I guess).

I think I'd settle for being pleased about her speech .... and congratulate yourself on coping with it with such good humour!!!! Thanks for sharing that!

Love, Karen, x

 

[DaisyG]

I think I'm a bit like you karen/ Tender Face....


I feel more than a little uneasy in social (other than family).... situations.
VERY actually....



For some reason???? my dear husband 'has a thing' about one of our neighbours.
He thinks he is 'gay' (not that there is anything wrong with that.... got a BIL who is gay...).
The man is married with 2 kids.
One of the kids was born after husbands 'diagnosis'......


Everytime he sees him... or his car.... we get foul comments. FILTHY ....
And... the story he has come up with.... it gets more and more elaborate / far fetched....


I have no idea where 'it' came from.... It's weird.... VERY....
Adds to the story as he likes.....



We tend to eat out together 'off peak' .... as in no other people around.... as he will want to join in the next tables conversation.... and make rude and shameful comments about other members of the public.


Sorry, but I can't handle these situations in any other way.
Not that we manage to go out much these days....

Just 'making it' to out patients can be enough of a dilema for me.



He has BAD comments to make at the TV too.... VERY STRANGE......




I'm GLAD of the times when he makes BAD (if you know what I mean) to certain Doctors... and other Clinic staff......

I hope that they realise 'what he is /can be like'... rather that rely on just ME saying that he says/does this ...that... etc.....


Does that make sense?


Take Care


DaisyG

 

[daughter]

Karen, I think you are referring to Nat's suggestion:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=2104

and a thread that followed:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/showthread.php?t=2182&highlight=card

 

[alfjess]

... being able to laugh ...

has certainly lost her social graces!

Mum doesn't have any social graces left, although her sentences aren't often intelligible, her actions speak louder than words. she will dig me in the ribs and point at whoever she finds funny or different and laugh out loud

Often I can laugh later (and yes to some extent I actually appreciate she does have the ability to make those judgements and observations) - but I also worry that mum could cause some real hurt to someone (never mind my embarrassment!) ...

Exactally!!

I think I'd settle for being pleased about her speech .... and congratulate yourself on coping with it with such good humour!!!! Thanks for sharing that!

Love, Karen, x

Am I allowed to copy the cards and print some for my own use? I think that is a great idea.

Alfjess

 

[alfjess]

Hi All
I think I have used the quote thing wrongly again. Hope you all know what I mean
Alfjess

 

[Tender Face]

HI Alfjess.... well I didn't see your name in the tabloids this morning so looks like you got away with it this time.....

Thank you sooooo much Daughter for finding the link ..... Brilliant Nat! - and everyone else who contributed further ideas, experiences and links on those threads....

I think just having a few 'to hand' - hopefully never to be used - would just give me more confidence handling any awkward situations as and when they arise....

Thanks again everyone - and Alfjess for prompting me to give this higher priority on my 'To Do' list...

Love, Karen, x

 

[DickG]

I hate going to the supermarket with Mary as she has developed a "thing" about overweight people and will say in a loud voice "just look at that fat woman" or "that man has a big beer belly".

I just cringe and hope that the man with a beer belly is rather proud of it. So far her comments have been ignored, thankfully.

Dick

 

[Nell]

Oh how I empathise with this thread!! My darling Mum is deaf as well as having AD, so her comments tend to be louder than most!! If I try hushing her she says (very loudly) "I just said: ................." and repeats the comment even louder!! Never known for her tact, she has now become even less inhibited and all her early prejuidices are clearly revealed for all to "benefit"!! Peopole are too fat, too thin, too young, too old, badly dressed, brazen, dirty, rude, bad parents, Asian, "Negro", "Wogs", "funny religion " (read: Muslim), ..................oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ........!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry others must suffer this too but I'm glad I'm not alone! Nell

 

[Cate]

You are certainly not alone.............when mum still lived in her house (pre flat and pre NH) she decided that the chap next door had been to jail.......goodness knows where that came from, and proceeded to tell anyone that would listen........she she thought she could hear him, and I quote, "bonking all night long", she then took to sitting in the garden shed most nights. Then she decided he was "stealing her electricity" and called out SWALEC dozens of times and had them crawling all over the attic looking for wires......again she told everyone in the village. Then she moved into the flat...........then it was my poor SIL (and the rest of us), when ever she lost anything, we had pinched it.

But the best was yet to come, when she moved into the NH. One of the nurses, a young chap, is from Germany, mum picked up on this, and then gave him a good talking to because "his lot" kept her husband a POW for 4 years..........I nearly died.....thankfully he is a smashing chap, and now mum thinks the world of him...........but I could write a book on the things she has said to folk.........totally right, AD comes in the door, and social graces go out the window.

Love
Cate

 

[alfjess]

Hi All
Mum, has embarrassed me on numerous occasion in the supermarket, with her comments on other people. Also, with her stealing of carrier bags, she tucks a handful under her arm and marches out the door.

Cate
You made me smile with "the bonking all night long" poor neighbour,
Mum is always accusing people of stealing things (bananas, biscuits, sweets)

Mind you, she will be correct to-day. My Daughter is taking Mum and Dad for a drive, while I remove their freezer and frozen food.
Twice now, when we've gone to give them meals, Mum has beaten us to it.
Last night, it was, frozen potates, frozen soup (cut into chunks) frozen veg, tin of peas, frozen apple pie and custard, all on the one plate. This morning frozen soup again, All of the above was still frozen and they were sitting eating it.

What amazed me last night was that either of them can still operate a tin opener. Be grateful for small mercies
Alfjess