Hi all,
I live in a different country to my mum, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I wasn't present at her diagnosis, but her husband was there - and, faced with her test results, she seemed to acknowledge that she wasn't doing as well as she had thought she would. We thought this might get her to open up about this more and accept her situation, but she decided that nobody should know about it.
As her husband (who has several medical conditions of his own, and is 82 compared to her 73), is her carer, and she has instances of memory loss and delusions while they are at home alone, she does talk to him about it as it comes up - though she does her best to come up with reasons for why she forgot names, people, things, whatever it is. She has been very clear with him that he can't say anything about this to anyone else though. The only reason I even know about the diagnosis is that he sends me emails in secret.
I am concerned for them both, and I know that he is struggling. I think my mother has a huge stigma around mental illnesses and dementia - and one of her recurring delusions is that I have shouted at her and called her dementic (obviously never happened). She wants me to apologise for it, according to my step-father, but she has never brought this up with me - neither the instance of shouting that didn't happen, or the need for an apology. So far, I think it would be a bad idea to bring this up if she isn't bringing it up, and to fake an apology for something that never happened.
Anyway, I'd be interested in any suggestions for how to get her to talk to me about her diagnosis. It would make it easier for us to help both her and her husband. How do you deal with denial that persists beyond a diagnosis? I think that she, under the layers of denial, is very fearful and upset.
I also think that my step-father could do with quite a lot of care for himself too, if I'm honest. But I don't think she is capable to provide it. He will see the GP about his own issues in a couple of weeks.
All help is welcome.
Kay x
I live in a different country to my mum, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I wasn't present at her diagnosis, but her husband was there - and, faced with her test results, she seemed to acknowledge that she wasn't doing as well as she had thought she would. We thought this might get her to open up about this more and accept her situation, but she decided that nobody should know about it.
As her husband (who has several medical conditions of his own, and is 82 compared to her 73), is her carer, and she has instances of memory loss and delusions while they are at home alone, she does talk to him about it as it comes up - though she does her best to come up with reasons for why she forgot names, people, things, whatever it is. She has been very clear with him that he can't say anything about this to anyone else though. The only reason I even know about the diagnosis is that he sends me emails in secret.
I am concerned for them both, and I know that he is struggling. I think my mother has a huge stigma around mental illnesses and dementia - and one of her recurring delusions is that I have shouted at her and called her dementic (obviously never happened). She wants me to apologise for it, according to my step-father, but she has never brought this up with me - neither the instance of shouting that didn't happen, or the need for an apology. So far, I think it would be a bad idea to bring this up if she isn't bringing it up, and to fake an apology for something that never happened.
Anyway, I'd be interested in any suggestions for how to get her to talk to me about her diagnosis. It would make it easier for us to help both her and her husband. How do you deal with denial that persists beyond a diagnosis? I think that she, under the layers of denial, is very fearful and upset.
I also think that my step-father could do with quite a lot of care for himself too, if I'm honest. But I don't think she is capable to provide it. He will see the GP about his own issues in a couple of weeks.
All help is welcome.
Kay x