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Recently diagnosed mum


New member
Dec 12, 2020
My mum is 78, 79 in January and she has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers having been struggling with forgetfulness for a while, this has come as a shock after watching my dad succumb to it nearly 10 years ago. We saw a gradual decline with him over many years but with mum it just seemed to come all at once. She is going through a very angry and aggressive stage at the moment, she is in hospital after a hip replacement and kidney infection and is shouting, swearing, hitting out at people. She is refusing medication, food, throwing her plates across the floor and basically refusing any help. She is doubly incontinent and just screams that she wants to die. She was found with a cable wrapped around her neck and is now on 15 min obs. Due to this Covid we are not allowed to visit her so I am thinking that she may be feeling abandoned as well as confused. She has lost a great deal of weight and is just skin and bone. My siblings and I are feeling helpless. Its taking all my strength not to burst into tears all the time and and try to carry on as normal. My dad practically died in front of me, i had only left the house for 30 mins and when i came back he was gone, I had to step over him on the floor. That's how I remember him, so part of me doesn't want to visit my mum because I don't want to see her like that, is that horrid?


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Welcome to the forum @SoosieQ.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. I don’t think that’s it’s horrid at all that you don’t want to see your mum like that. I think it’s completely understandable. It must have been awful finding your dad that way.

I’m glad you’ve d found this forum as there will always be some here to listen and support.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
I'm so sorry you are going through this @SoosieQ . My mother was in a similar state after hip surgery. It sounds like delirium. I hope that the hospital can improve the situation. It is so hard when the person refuses medication. I am not sure that visiting would do any good at present to be honest. It's a terribly difficult time for you and your siblings. Keep posting for support and advice. If it's any consolation, it is highly unlikely that your mum will remember this time.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Im so sorry to hear this. I agree with lemonbalm - it does sound like delirium after the infection. Any sort of infection can cause havoc in people with dementia. She is in the right place at the moment and is probably unaware that you are unable to visit, so please dont add guilt to your feelings.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
The link below might be useful, by the way. Sometimes it can help to know a bit more about things and hospitals aren't always that good at passing on information.

With my mum, there were some times when she was calm and the hospital were able to give her at least some medication, food and liquids. I am hopeful that the hospital staff will be able to get some antibiotics into your mum's system to get rid of the infection, which will help. She may also have "post operative delirium" which should improve over time. It may seem like an awful nightmare but the hospital will be familiar with delirium and will be doing all they can to help your mum.


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