Recently diagnosed and aggressive behaviour

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by Cathyt75, Jul 19, 2019.

  1. Cathyt75

    Cathyt75 New member

    Jul 19, 2019
    My 67 year old mum has had memory issues for a number of years. More recently confusion has become an issue and now verbal aggression towards my dad. She was finally diagnosed with Alzheimers 2 weeks ago and has been started on Donepezil. In January she started having episodes where she thought dad was a stranger trying to steal from her. This has now progressed and she is aggressive to him most of the time. She accuses him of all sorts, tells him she's wasted her life with him and gets so nasty that he has to leave the house. She then phones me or my sister to tell us how evil he is. How do I support my dad?. How can they continue living like this? I feel so helpless. My dad has his own health issues having been diagnosed with leukemia 3 years ago.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP @Cathyt75

    Sadly the aggression is common with dementia. Personally, I’d get in touch with her GP & explain what’s happening.

    Could your Mum go to a day centre to give your Dad a break?
  3. CardiffRay68

    CardiffRay68 New member

    Jul 25, 2019
    Hi just joined so please bear with me if I say something out of place !! My wife was diagnosed With "Frontal Lobe Dementia" recently she is 72 years Young .... was prescribed Donepezil 5mg she has also become verbally aggressive towards myself incessantly. She is very confused & quite Disorientated. Obviously being with her 24/7 I have become her "Aggressive Punch Bag" not literally of course just the person to take all of her FRUSTRATIONS - Her Kick Bag. Socially with friends & Family, Butter wouldn't Melt !! She tries to hide her Dementia putting it down to Age & forgetfulness. Of course its "Your so Grumpy, No Smile, you"ve changed your Not Nice anymore all my Friends say it to I can"t remember when she saw one its been weeks !!! The New one is "I'm going to record You" ...... I have health issues I am 4 years younger than Her my Heart, Osteoarthritis, Mobility etc,
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to DTP @CardiffRay68
    The being ok in social situations is called Hostess mode & is very common.
  5. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    Welcome to DTP @CardiffRay68,

    Sadly you are going to get the aggression and all the nastiness that comes with it. I did, our children saw a different Dad, but it was a quieter, less energetic man not the quarrelsome, angry man I saw.

    I always thought because I was the constant in his life he felt safe to discharge all his frustrations that the disease was causing him. He knew I was going nowhere. Even so it’s very distressing to have to be there day after day taking it all on the chin especially when you have health issues if your own.

    Take care and use the forum to help you. Come here to rant away if you need to, everyone understands how it is and sometimes just an understanding response or a kind word can help.
  6. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Welcome from me too @CardiffRay68

    I notice that your wife has just been prescribed Donepezil. Did her aggression towards you get worse after it was started? I found that my dad who was ok on 5mg became very aggressive when his dosage was increased to 10mg he became very nasty towards one person in particular.

    His behaviour improved when the dosage was decreased. It may not suit your wife at all. Have a talk to her doctor if you think this may be the case.
  7. BettyB

    BettyB New member

    Jul 25, 2019
    Hi. This sounds very familiar! Similar thing happened to us. We were spending so much time with mum and dad because mum didn't know dad anymore and had pretty much decided she didn't like him. We were completely honest about the symptoms with the Consultant, even though its hard to say things in front of your loved one and fortunately for us the medication has changed the situation completely. She's on donepezil as well as as resiridone (only a low dose). Mum had been packing her bags, was anxious all the time and really to the point of psychotic symptoms. Now she is a different person. Calm and happy and actually likes dad again. She isn't 'doped up' at all. Try and have a discussion with the consultant. We were honestly at crisis point because we didn't know how mum could stay at home feeling how she was. And also poor dad just couldn't cope. They are a similar age to your mum and dad by the way. It's a different situation altogether now and in a really short space of time. Good luck x
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I had the same experience with my husband and with the dementia drugs as @Bunpoots did with her dad.

    Some people are able to persevere with the drugs and find eventually the side effects reduce. I was unable to do this, the side effects were unbearable

    Ism not diagnosing your wife’s aggressive behaviour but I do advise you to take medical advice @CardiffRay68. Just in case
  9. ArgyBargy24

    ArgyBargy24 Registered User

    Jul 28, 2019
    West Midlands
    Hi, sorry to hear of your helplessness. Dad and I were recently told my mom may have vascular dementia last week (they are waiting to see how she progresses). My mom is also becoming verbally aggressive, occasionally towards dad, sometimes to me and also to nurses on the ward where she is presently. She has even physically attacked nursing staff when they tried to remove her from a toilet where she locked herself in. She usually expresses horror every time dad visits with me, because she's convinced he's dead and 'needs to go back to Jesus'. I often have to just keep reassuring dad on the drive from the hospital that it's not really mom talking when she gets aggressive or tells him she thinks he's dead and remind him of the times when she's more lucid and I quote the things she's said that are positive about family or the past/present. It seems to me that the person with dementia seems to lose the capacity (not all the time) for appreciating how hurtful their remarks are, they just 'tell it like it is' (in their eyes at least). My dad also has health issues - he's having small seizures that he refuses to acknowledge and need addressing but at the moment if I told his doctor, it would send dad over the edge. It is very hurtful for the person on the receiving end, I guess it's normal for them to want the person back that they married. I'm new to this too and all you can do is keep reminding the person on the receiving end of the abuse of the positive interactions the couple have, however brief, and remind them that this is not the person saying these things, it's the way their brain has now become that is making them say it.
  10. Vicky3116

    Vicky3116 New member

    Aug 3, 2019
    Is your mum known to the mental health team? if she is then contact them, if she isn't ask your gp for a referral, they will be able to look at medication dosages or alternative. They will be able to prescribe something for anxiety but also give you advise on behaviour, looking at the triggers and what you can put into place to help her and your dad.

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