Recent Diagnosis - Unwilling to Accept

[Grannie G]

When my mother went into residential care, my sister who had had no contact all the time I was caring for our mother at home wanted me to rent out her property.

My mother had neglected her property for years, just making cosmetic improvements and it needed money spending on it. I felt spending money to save money was counter productive and refused.

The property was sold, the money paid for the care home and that was that.

I`d spent enough time being responsible for my mother, I didn`t want the responsibility of being a landlord/lady on top of it.

 

[englishalien]

Mmmmm these are good points. I feel we'd need to sink significant money into the property to make it suitable for rent but I'd be very prepared to put the work in, and subsequent work. I know my aunt does not want the bungalow sold unless it's the last resort.

Deputyship is going to be an expensive time for us I fear. It's borne of my aunt believing she's cleverer than everyone else and "doesn't need that help". Sadly things have reached a stage where she does but I believe is now unable to legally sign the LPA, so I don't think we have any other options. She would not want it to be in the hands of someone outside of the family.

Re the cat - we may be able to take him but because she hasn't let anyone into the house he isn't familiar with any of us.

I think we need to understand from the hospital what her status is - and decide from there as to what is best for her to ensure that wherever she is in this dementia journey, we make the remainder of it as stress free and comfortable for her. The questions can start on Monday once we get access to the social work team at the hospital.

It's so hard, isn't it?

 

[Scarlet Lady]

You’re right @englishalien, it’s hard and stressful work where everything seems to be happening at once. But you are keeping a clear head and coping well with the challenges, as far as I can see. I hope you get a speedy, positive response from the Court of Protection re the Deputyship as that will make everything easier. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[andyvalleydrive]

Oh

Hello,

I think my family and I need help...
My aunt has been diagnosed with mixed dementia with a score of 17/26 - and has been unwell for possibly up to 4 years prior to her diagnosis 2 weeks ago. She's mid 70s

She has, for years, refused access to her home. She is a widow with no children, and currently my father, also in his 70s - is her next of kin.

Since diagnosis she's refused further help from everyone. We have had Adult Social Care involved already from a welfare/safeguarding concern and she refused access to her property, so ASC closed their case and wouldn't persist. My father has asked her to sign LPA and she has hotly refused, repeatedly.
So we have no LPA, no support and her refusing help.

Today, she collapsed in the street and an ambulance was called. She was taken home, but when the ambulance got to her house; they managed to see what her house is like and refused to leave her there from a safeguarding perspective. She is now under observation in hospital.

We are completely at a loss as to what happens next.

If she's not allowed to return home - which she wouldn't be allowed to do under safeguarding concerns - who helps my dad sort things out to get her help? And what happens if she refuses to accept support?

Do we go down the deputyship route ASAP or attempt LPA - which I think will be refused, consistently.

She is in England.

We are a bit bewildered with what to do and where to go, next. Any advice or help would be greatly welcomed. I live a distance away but my father is close by.

wow I feel so sad for you . It’s horrendous and without the LPA it’s very difficult to unravel, lack of insight is a huge problem. What’s been the outcome if you not mind me asking and most of all are you OK

 

[SherwoodSue]

This forum is so helpful. It feels like you're all helping me finely balance the scales with your answers and advice. I appreciate this

There's a lot of red flags from the state of the home that suggest she cannot look after herself. Things that are relatively recent (by this I mean 6-12 months) and things like rotting food (eggs from October left on the side). The shower doesn't look to have been used in a very long time. She hasn't washed any bedding for what looks like years. Her clothes in the last few months have been soiled and not clean.

We believe this began when her husband died (almost four years ago), but it is hard to know until we can gain proper access to the property (as in, be able to move the piles of paperwork etc).

I am doing Deputyship and emergency forms this weekend. It looks like a bit of a minefield. If anyone has any helpful websites to look at whilst I'm doing both, I'd be very grateful for links. Joint and severally means that my sister and I can make decisions together and individually, is that correct?

If the court deems her as lacking mental capacity, does that mean I can gain access to sort out her subscriptions, council tax, utilities? That's a big concern of mine at the moment - I think she's got food subscriptions set up from before her husband died that she's still receiving for two.

I can't believe I'm writing all of this in a newly diagnosed thread. Two weeks ago seems like two years right now.

If the GP will sign it and you return it to the council there is a form to secure exemption from Council Tax payment. I would seek an appointment to discuss with dementia Advisor.

 

[Pebblepebble]

Another against renting out. Our tenant stopped paying rent at the start of the pandemic and moved back to his homeland 3 months later. We could have lived with that but he let a relative move in (he was not a squatter as he had permission to be there) and when the relative moved out two other men moved in. By the time we got them evicted we were owed over a year's rent, the house was in a dreadful state and we found a knife and baseball bat behind the front door! We sold it. Would rent cover the costs of a home and what would you do in the situation we had?