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Recent confusion doesn’t recognise her own house

MissMia

New member
Mar 31, 2020
5
Hi mum has been managing in her own house fine for a year and a half. In the last week she has dramatically down turned. She keeps getting very distressed and doesn’t know why she’s in “this place” she recognises from outside the house but not inside. She knows the neighbours but seems to have lost anything to do with the house. DR thought it might be urinary infection and during the day she seems mostly normal again now, but come dusk she is totally baffled. We have tried the you live here and have for ages but that doesn’t sink in for more than 5 mins. Are we better off saying yes you just moved here isn’t it nice?
am at a loss what works best and wondered what everyone’s experience is.
We never did a needs assessment and now I suspect it will be challenging to organise with covid...
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
887
Hi @MissMia, a warm welcome to the forum. Has the Doctor prescribed anti-biotics for Mum? A urinary infection can certainly cause this sought of confusion. However, it may be that your Mum is sun-downing. When the brain becomes tired a confusion can follow which is very commonly in the form of not recognising their surroundings. My Mum had this and it is sadly very common. Trying to apply logic doesn't work - it took me a long time to work that one out! In the end I uncovered my Mum's concern, which was that the 'owners' would come back be angry and ask her to leave, so I used to say they were my friends and had asked her to stay there and look after the place. It worked for a while. However, as Mum lived on her own she started to wander to 'get home' which was actually her childhood home. In the morning she was totally fine and could not remember any of this, but it would be a repeat performance each day. Has Mum started to wander yet?
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,674
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @MissMia
Sadly this is quite common with dementia. It’s said they’re wanting their childhood home were they felt safe.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,866
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @MissMia. You've to the right place for help, advice and general support. I assume the Dr ruled out a urinary tract infection as they can cause havoc in people with dementia. If so, I guess it is just a downturn, maybe made worse by these uncertain times. I think saying whatever makes your mum feel happy is the way to go, so if that is, yes isn't this new house lovely then so be it. Round here we call those 'love lies' or 'therapeutic untruths.'
Is your mum getting groceries etc delivered and not endangering herself by going out.?As you say Social Services will be rushed off their feet, but it might be worth emailing them so she is on their books for when this all settles down. My local council has just posted a flyer through the door with numbers to contact them in case of problems. I know they were recruiting volunteers to help check on elderly people, so it might be worth looking on your council's site to see what they are doing.
Have a look round and read some of the other threads, there is so much good stuff here.
 

MissMia

New member
Mar 31, 2020
5
Hi Pete, the dr did prescribe some tabs and she has had 4 or the 5 days worth and although I thought initially it was helping I think it isn’t.
I had brought her to my house for a few days (covid be dammed) but she would wake and then just stay in bed waiting to be told she could get up or something. Last night I took her home again thiking familiar surroundings in the morning would let her be more independent and stayed the night. This morning when she woke she just lay in bed waiting for me to get up and tell it was ok to get up. Then after that she seemed normal and showered etc. She isn’t wandering at all, in fact for the last 6m she won’t go out on her own except to the paper-shop as she was scared of getting lost...
 

MissMia

New member
Mar 31, 2020
5
Welcome to DTP @MissMia
Sadly this is quite common with dementia. It’s said they’re wanting their childhood home were they felt safe.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
Thanks :)
Welcome to DTP @MissMia
Sadly this is quite common with dementia. It’s said they’re wanting their childhood home were they felt safe.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
887
Did he do a urine test for the infection @MissMia or did he just prescribe antibiotics? I was told by our GP that a urine test was important to obviously determine whether there is an infection but also to inform which type of antibiotic to prescribe. I'm really please to hear she isn't wandering that is a big plus. I do feel for you - the current situation makes everything so much more difficult. It can help to share on the forum, there good people who have walked or are walking in your shoes.
 

MissMia

New member
Mar 31, 2020
5
Thank you so much Pete1. No he didn’t the doctors don’t seem to want anyone in surgery these days so he just prescribed over the phone.
I will call again Monday and see what he says....
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
887
In the end the surgery used to leave plenty of spare sample containers and labels as it was a frequent occurrence. It was then just the small matter of getting a sample and then posting it in the letterbox in the surgery - no need to go in. I hope you can get some satisfaction - Mum's confusion was certainly more acute when she had an infection.
 

Granny J

New member
Mar 26, 2020
9
71
Hi mum has been managing in her own house fine for a year and a half. In the last week she has dramatically down turned. She keeps getting very distressed and doesn’t know why she’s in “this place” she recognises from outside the house but not inside. She knows the neighbours but seems to have lost anything to do with the house. DR thought it might be urinary infection and during the day she seems mostly normal again now, but come dusk she is totally baffled. We have tried the you live here and have for ages but that doesn’t sink in for more than 5 mins. Are we better off saying yes you just moved here isn’t it nice?
am at a loss what works best and wondered what everyone’s experience is.
We never did a needs assessment and now I suspect it will be challenging to organise with covid...
My husband has done thus much more since lockdown hes always been more confused on the evening but last night he got quite bad saynig 'you keep telling me dont do this and that im going home ", ive tried you are home diesnt work he doesn't know where ge is forgets who the family is it's awful he git out kast night i managed to get him back and our daughter talked him into going to bed , he was up within an hour and it was about 4am. before i got him back to bed , its good to know its nit just us but its so hard daytinmes are better but were both going a bit stir crazy , hope your Mum settles down stay safe x
 

MissMia

New member
Mar 31, 2020
5
Thanks Granny j. Def the sleep deprivation is starting to hurt me - and this lockdown is just not what any of us needed. All the routines are diff and maybe I over emphasised the don’t go out and has made her stress..
doubt the gov texts and letters helped - all she seemed to absorb from those was pack a bag to go to the hospital and die.. not quite what they said but def not helpful!
Take care M x