It is so reassuring to read the posts here. I was a regular visitor to the forum until my mum died in August last year. I thought life was a struggle then as a carer - up 10 times a night - bla bla bla. What I wouldn't give to go back there now. After the funeral all the siblings fell out, so instead of supporting eachother there was just more pain. I now care for my dad. But I miss my mum so much and thought the grief may be getting easier by now, but just seems more raw....from reading posts here I see this is normal. Mum was 86 and had multiple health difficulties as well as dementia. I cared for her until 3 weeks before she died and then through exhaustion admitted her to a care home after a stay in hospital, she had two falls and then went back to hospital. At this point I was relieved as it was my sons wedding and I thought at least she will be safe for a few days. She had spent the last few months planning what she would wear to her grandson's wedding and I told her and showed her the video of the wedding on the 11th August. This was so hard and I cried so much but felt she would want to know...Mum mustered all her strength, stood up and hugged me, wouldn't let me go and sobbed. The next day the hospital phoned to say mum was 'medically fit' and would I bring in some clothes as she would be going back to the home at 2 p.m. At 1 p.m. they called again to say I needed to go in as she had taken a turn for the worse...I got there 20 minutes too late. I am racked with guilt for telling her about the wedding as I feel this is what she had been living for. Also for putting her in the care home...if I had just known she only had a few weeks left I would have kept her at home.She was my best friend, my charge, my mum. I just wish I could move on which I know she would want me to do.