1. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi,
    I have posted several times before re my Mums dementia, hip operation in July, MRSA, water infections etc. My mum has been back in her Care Home for approx. 3 weeks now and has been refusing medication, food and drink. When she was in hospital she also refused so was put on a drip several times, and several times she pulled the drip out. My sister, brother an myself decided no more drips as when she comes off the drip she still won't eat or drink and it seems like a vicious circle - if we really thought it would be beneficial we would willingly ask for another drip to be inserted. She started to go down hill again last Friday and we are constantly at her bedside now, in the Care Home, where she is receiving tender loving care from the staff - as if it were their own mother, but all the doubts are now creeping in, have we made the right decision and I am going through HELL thinking that if we had got her in hospital she may be OK - but deep down I know she would'nt. Her eyes are constantly closed, she never speaks and she is so thin and I do not know how much longer she can last like this. This is a horrible, horrible cruel illness. The only medication she is now on is a Morphine patch to stop any pain. I really never thought it would come to this. I am so sorry for rambling but I am at rock bottom
    Thanks for reading this posting.
    Carolann
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    This is dreadful for you. But I cannot see what else you can do. You are obviously very very caring and when you are not there the care home staff are treating your mother as their own - having made that decision you know in your heart that it was the right decision. It is a terrible stage and I suppose if we are honest we all want a dignified end for our loved ones.
    I hope you get comfort from TP and I am sure you will get encouraging posts from people who have been there too.

    God Bless and keep your chin up. Best wishes Beckyjan
     
  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    We had to make the same decision for Dad, to prolong his life would have been cruel, but, yes, we had moments of doubt.

    Your Mum was refusing food and drink then pulling out the drips, so maybe she was telling you she had had enough.

    You love her enough to let her go, so look after each other and spend as much time as you can with your Mum.

    Thinking of you all.

    Kathleen
     
  4. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Hi Carolann. Your situation is so like mine...I know exactly how awful it is for you and your family. My mum got rushed into hospital on Tues...she had fluid in her lung. Today is Thurs and she is laying in the hospital so frail with a drip. She is just staring into space and looks so thin laying there. I think the Doctors are expecting the worst....but tonight I did manage to get her to eat a few spoonfuls of puree vegetable. I feel exactly like you Carolann. Do I continue letting them putting her on the drip? She seems agitated and keeps trying to pull it out. I left her asleep tonight....she did look peaceful...and not suffering. She has had a traumatic few days...and I just dont know what to expect. You say your mum is in the care home...I really can understand how you dont want her pulled about any longer (yesterday a nurse tried for 45 mins looking for a vein) and it hurts me so much watching this. Godbless. Be strong. Thats all we can both do in this situation. Take care.. Lv PP xx
     
  5. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Carolann and PP,
    Just wanted to send you both my caring thoughts. It is less than a fortnight since we lost my Dad, so I have some understanding of how you are feeling.
    Sending you strength, fortitude and patience - and above all good wishes - Nell.
     
  6. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Thankyou Nell. Godbless. PP xx
     
  7. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi,
    Thank you, all of you for your kind words and understanding. I have just arrived home from being with Mum from 6 pm this evening. The care Home Staff promised that one of them will be with Mum all night and will ring us if things change - I can't ask for any more than that and I will be back there at 9.30 in the morning. Once again thank you and I will try and keep you up to date with the situation.
    God Bless, Carolann
     
  8. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Carolann and PP

    Just to say, thoughts and prayers are with you both.

    Love
    Cate
     
  9. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    #9 alex, Oct 20, 2006
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2006
    Hi Carolann

    Honey i don't think its your decision.............i think your mum has made the decision by refusing food and trying to pull the drip out.............although she might not know what she is doing.............its nature telling her what to do and i don't think you can interfere with that.

    When my partner was in hospital, there was a fella in the bed opposite and he done the same (they'd put him on a drip as he had not eaten for a long time)..........he kept pulling the drip out, i was horrified as i was trying to keep the drip in his arm and the nursing staff seemed to be unconcerned about it.......i kept telling him he would injure himself as there was lots of blood, but he kept saying he had to do it!..........when i went back in later that day he had died.......i knew then that it was nature............but its still very upsetting for you or anyone else going through that.
    I decided to go against my partners wishes and prolong his life.............given my time again...........i would not do it, as it just prolonged his suffering, all just to reach the same inevitable outcome.............but we are all wiser after the event!

    I hope you find the strength to get through this tough time, at least your mums not in any pain and she is surrounded by people who care.

    Love Alex x
     
  10. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
  11. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
  12. Carla

    Carla Registered User

    Oct 18, 2006
    9
    London
    Carolann

    My heart goes out to you, it must be very painful to watch. You are doing your very best for your Mum, that's all any of us can ever do. You have cared for her more than anyone could wish for.

    My thoughts are also with you PP and Nell. Wishing you all some peace.


    Carla xxx
     
  13. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi,
    Thanks for directing me towards that thread Lynne, I have read the posts and it does help and thank you everyone for your genuine concern and kind thoughts. I have been sat with Mum most of the day and just wonder how much longer she can carry on. My dad died on March 6th this year and my sister brother and myself are still getting over that and now we are faced with losing Mum as well. It would have been their 56th wedding anniversary tomorrow and talking amongst ourselves we wonder if tomorrow will be the day!!
    My Mum has been a member of the Salvation Army all her life and has lived a good life - always helping others and doing good where she could and I am finding it difficult to understand why the God she believes in is letting her suffer like this. I know this can be said for many situations that are happening in the world - I suppose I am feeling a bit bitter - sorry.
    Take Care everyone, Carol
     
  14. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi,
    Just wanted to let you know that my Mum died this evening at 5.45. We were with her as she drew her last breath. This week has been the hardest week of my life just watching her, knowing that the end was near. At the end we were praying for her to go, but we are heartbroken. Today would have been my Mum and Dad 56th wedding anniversary so it is some consolation to know that they are reunited. Thank you to everyone who has read and replied to my postings.
    Take care, Carol
     
  15. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Carol

    Heartfelt sympathy to you and your family at this really sad time. Mum is now in a better place with your dad, reunited on their special day.

    Thinking of you.

    Cate
     
  16. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Iam so sorry to hear about your mum Carol. To pass away on her anniversary should give you a little comfort knowing that she is now with your dad... and at last....peace. Be strong Carol. Godbless....PP xx
     
  17. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I'm sorry about your mother.

    Lila
     
  18. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    My deepest sympathy and much fellow feeling for you. I hope you can take comfort from knowing your mother is at peace and free from pain. Thinking of you. Nell
     
  19. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    So sorry to hear about your Mum, Carol. I'm thinking of you today. {{hugs}}
     
  20. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Sorry about the loss of your Mum my sympathies are with you but watching mine right now the passing means an end to suffering all round
     

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