I don't know what your reasons are for not logging in much recently, but I am sure you know you can share that or not as you prefer.
Thought about pm’ing you, but then thought – What the heck – someone else might feel like me. I’m not really too sure why I’ve not been logging on much recently - just a general feeling of being low, with no one reason for feeling that way (if that makes sense!)
When I have logged on, I’ve just felt that I had nothing to contribute to anyone else, there’s so many people on TP who seem so wise and always seem to know what to say – whereas me – I’ve got nothing to say!
Mum continues to deteriorate, although she’s nowhere near as bad as some of the post’s that I’ve been reading. And therein lies the problem I think – there are times when I feel I’ve got no reason to be sorry for myself – there are so many people in worst situations than me.
Some have 2 parents suffering from AD
Some have a partner suffering from AD
Some have just lost a loved one from AD
Some people have loved ones who are in hospital, unable to eat
Some are caring for close relatives with no family help
Some have had to give up work to care
Some are 24/7 carers with very little respite
Some have their own medical problems to deal with
Whereas Mum is in a home being looked after 24/7 – I have family to help spread the visits and family to help if there are any problems. Mum can still dress herself (to a fashion) still has a good appetite, and can still hold a conversation (sort of). I work full time and love my job (although it has been stressful recently due to staff shortages and Xmas) I don’t think I’m depressed and I’m a relatively happy person.
I do sometimes wonder if Xmas played a big part in it – I made the decision to leave Mum in the home that day as getting her back there the previous year was a bit stressful as she was adamant that she didn’t live there. She’s not been out of the home for several months because of this and I felt it wasn’t fair on my 2 sons and hubby to have that kind of stress. But I just felt so guilty about the whole thing. I know that she didn’t even realize that it was Xmas. She certainly didn’t understand the presents (and continues to try and palm them off on me!) But the guilt is still there and continues to haunt me.
I also made the decision to cut my visits to once a week, but again the guilt is getting to me, so I’m going to go back to twice a week. Mum can’t remember me going in to see her, but I think it may make me feel happier in myself.
Having read through what I’ve just written, basically I feel that I just need a good kick up the backside!
Please just form an orderly queue and hopefully I’ll get myself back to normal.