It's been a while since I posted and being honest (I feel its easier to do on here) its rough with the isolation rules (we are both shielding separately) so everything is over the phone. I think I have come to accept that things are never going to improve, over the past weeks there have been meltdowns, joy, tears and fury in cycles and whilst I know it's the condition it's not pleasant hearing someone who really only expressed love and encouragement being mean, provocative and saying hurtful things to try and raise a row still hurts. I have to confess I have bitten back once (As she was on route to get a bus into town to sort an issue that I had in her mind caused but in reality was nothing more than her misreading a bank statement) but it was more that she was roaming the streets than anything. She also repeats that her lifetime friend has fallen out with her and i dont know if this is the case but if she interacts with her like she does with me I can imagine it to be true. I think I am posting just to say the new reality of her condition combined with the new reality of the virus ridden world is hard. I think the enforced distance between us has been beneficial in that i have been forced to keep away whereas my natural instinct has always been to run towards helping my mum and so now have a realisation that often that potentially was more for my benefit than hers but at the same time I can see and hear that she is really unsettled with everything and know it must be so difficult trying to comprehend what is happening. I know it wont be a unique situation and I also know that it really could be far far worse so it's more a grumble to get my thoughts out of the hamster wheel in my mind and onto here than a crisis, I just realised that I hadn't posted for a while and even though I check in every day on here I haven't felt that there was any post worthy incidences to report on as really nothing has changed! Phew, what a lot of words to say not a lot!
Really worried and Mum turning against me
- Thread starter worriedson77
- Start date
Hi @worriedson77, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, I can only imagine how awful it must be. However, I think your acceptance is a massive step forward, it certainly helped me when I came to that conclusion (after quite a long time of believing and hoping Mum's condition would improve). All I can say is keep posting if it helps to get your thoughts down. Stay strong. All the best.
Hi @worriedson77, your mum sounds so much like mine was about two or three years ago. Sort of managing but having times of complete confusion where everyone else would be blamed for what was going wrong. Mum (who was ten years old than yours) managed to live at home without help other than me popping over to read post and check on food etc a couple of times a week. I realised later she was also getting help from friends, neighbours and local shop keepers, but as mum never mentioned that I only found that out when things moved on and she went into care.
Do you have a contingency plan if your mum gets to a stage where she does need more help? My mother was on the knife edge between being safe and not for quite a while, then she started drinking in the local pub with random strangers. That's when I moved her to a care home near me. At least your mother can't do that at present, but if she is still going out she might get into bother if she doesn't understand social distancing or why cafes etc are shut. I just wonder if it is worth flagging her up to Social Service as a vulnerable adult if you haven't done so already. Also her local authority should have schemes in place to check on elderly people at the moment. It may be worth letting them know about your mum so at least someone is checking on her.
Do you have a contingency plan if your mum gets to a stage where she does need more help? My mother was on the knife edge between being safe and not for quite a while, then she started drinking in the local pub with random strangers. That's when I moved her to a care home near me. At least your mother can't do that at present, but if she is still going out she might get into bother if she doesn't understand social distancing or why cafes etc are shut. I just wonder if it is worth flagging her up to Social Service as a vulnerable adult if you haven't done so already. Also her local authority should have schemes in place to check on elderly people at the moment. It may be worth letting them know about your mum so at least someone is checking on her.
Thanks @Sarasa great points about social services and I think contingency planning as well which I hadn't thought about tbh, she has one particular neighbour I know of that looks out for her (They spotted her in a local shop and sent her home and I think tipped the shop off for future reference as well) it's tough and the denial is such that she is always at pains to tell me how fine she is but you and pete have also made me realise that I can look at bigger picture side of things without her even necessarily having to know, I think my sort of meh mood is because I am still not fully able to detach the words from the woman and some of the stuff she has been coming out with is rather unpleasant but she is still here and still healthy which is obviously the main thing.
