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Really worried about my dad


Registered User
May 12, 2007
Hello all, I am new to this board and hope that someone may have some words of advice. My dad is 74 this year and has had az for about 7 years now. He hasn't reached the stage where he doesn't recognise people, but his short term memory loss is bad and he shuffles along really badly when walking. This has led to some falls over the past couple of years and last week he had a couple of falls and had to be brought home. He also suffers from incontinence but the last few months it has been double incontinence, which is really hard to know how best to deal with. He has been going out on his own (he loves to visit the local coffee shops and see people every morning). He loves this routine, but on 2 occasions last week he had bad incontinence accidents when out and ended up stripped and trying to clean himself in a field. What does all this mean - does it mean he is at the final stages of az - I am really worried. He lives with my mum, but she does not really keep me and my sister informed and I found this out today by talking to him. It really shocked me - he says he has been told by the doctor and mum that he cannot be left on his own anymore, etc. But he was on his own when I visited him, although mum was not far away. I'm just really worried that he may be going down hill and wondered what others opinions may be. Thanks for listening. Snooky


Registered User
Jan 11, 2007
Hi Snooky.
Your poor Dad, that is awful. Does your Mam and he not have any care coming into their home each day? If not I think you should find out about having carers in. Also has he not a CPN going in frequently to assess him? These people would take pressure off your Mam and you a little. They can help and advise on the incontinence issues and get your Dad some help. The Alzeihmers Society took the reins as far as my MIL's AD. They have organised the carers, CPN and have been a great help all round. I know eventually there gets to be a stage when you have to look at a care home and they can discuss all the options available to you.
I don't know if any of this is of use to you, but you sound to me as though you could use some outside help.
Take care Snooky,
Diane x:)


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Snooky

First of all, welcome to TP. I'm sure you'll find people very helpful and friendly, we're all in the same boat.

Your dad sounds to be at a similar stage to my husband. He was diagnosed seven years ago too, and is73. He has recently developed continence problems, and it's really difficult to deal with, because like your dad, he's not totally incontinent. John wears pants at night, but not during the day yet, yhough we do have the occasional accident.

John doesn't go out on his own, except for short walks with the dog along a cycle track, so no traffic to worry about.

I think the time has come for your mum to ask for some help, if she hasn't already done so. She should get in touch with social services and ask for a carers assessment. There's a lot of help out there, but you have to ask for it.

She should also contact the local branch of Alzheimer's Society, they will be able to give her a lot of support.

Does your dad have a consultant? If you really feel that he is going downhill fast, it might be worth asking for a review.

It's hard to cope with, I can't tell you what stage your dad is at. I think John is borderline late stage, but on a good day he's a long way from that.

Good luck,


Registered User
May 12, 2007
Hi Hazel,
Thanks for your reply. Like your husband, my dad often seems a lot better, but I suppose the last couple of weeks have been particularly bad. Its quite hard, hearing your dad say things like he did to me at the weekend, because i cant help looking at him and remembering the dad I know. I know my dad has had AD for some time now, but you never forget the person they were and I have found it really hard to accept the person he is now. A shadow of his former self. although you can have really good conversations still and he does know who we all are. It doesnt seem to have progressed that fast, but then I dont live with him and I'm sure my mum keeps a lot hidden. Unfortunately I have never been as close to my my mum as my dad, so she doesnt open up a lot. I have always had a really close bond to my dad and love him to bits. Thanks for your words, it really helps to speak to someone in a very similar situation and it must be really hard for you as the wife of a man with this very cruel, disease. I admire you and once again thank you for replying.
Snooky x