Thank you all for your kind advice. Does anyone know if I have to give him back his original will legally ? It is obviously not a good idea, but until I can get the professionals to understand that Dad is really not well I don't want to be doing anything he can use against me.
Really need advice to protect Dad from financial disaster
- Thread starter Lucinda33
- Start date
Do you really think that he understands the consequences of destroying the will?
Do you think he is not being "encouraged" to do this by his girlfriend (who I suspect wants the will to be made in her favour)?
If the answer to these questions is "no" then I dont believe that he has the capacity to change his will.
In this case -delay, delay, delay, deflect, use "love lies" and delay again. He doesnt actually have to have his previous will to make a new one, so there is actually nothing stopping him making another one, but I suspect that he is no longer able to follow this through.
You have the POA arriving soon and there is no legal reason for you to stand down - just put it to one side for a while until it become more obvious that he is impaired. I think that if you stand down you will regret it later. Really, it is up to him to revoke the old one and put another one in place, but again, I suspect that he cannot follow this through.
I wouldnt actually enlighten him about making a new will or POA. You do not have to make it easier for him to do this.
BTW, having gone through the Court of Protection to gain deputyship for mum, and also living with a man who has all the symptoms of FTD, but no diagnosis, I do not feel that the course of action to a[[ly for deputyship suggested by @MartinWL would be appropriate ATM. I do not think you would be able to get a health professional to fill in the form saying that he has lost capacity which is required with the application. If you stood down from the POA then eventually you might have to do this, but I tell you - it is a whole load of hassle, takes a good six months to go through the court, plus you already have the POA.
Do you think he is not being "encouraged" to do this by his girlfriend (who I suspect wants the will to be made in her favour)?
If the answer to these questions is "no" then I dont believe that he has the capacity to change his will.
In this case -delay, delay, delay, deflect, use "love lies" and delay again. He doesnt actually have to have his previous will to make a new one, so there is actually nothing stopping him making another one, but I suspect that he is no longer able to follow this through.
You have the POA arriving soon and there is no legal reason for you to stand down - just put it to one side for a while until it become more obvious that he is impaired. I think that if you stand down you will regret it later. Really, it is up to him to revoke the old one and put another one in place, but again, I suspect that he cannot follow this through.
I wouldnt actually enlighten him about making a new will or POA. You do not have to make it easier for him to do this.
BTW, having gone through the Court of Protection to gain deputyship for mum, and also living with a man who has all the symptoms of FTD, but no diagnosis, I do not feel that the course of action to a[[ly for deputyship suggested by @MartinWL would be appropriate ATM. I do not think you would be able to get a health professional to fill in the form saying that he has lost capacity which is required with the application. If you stood down from the POA then eventually you might have to do this, but I tell you - it is a whole load of hassle, takes a good six months to go through the court, plus you already have the POA.
As @canary rightly says, he doesn't need the old will in order to make a new one, but you don't have to point that out to him. If I were you I would make a copy of the will, and ask a solicitor to hold the original, choosing a firm that you might be likely to use when the inevitable happens. Then you can tell the solicitor that you don't think he has capacity to change it, and that will put the onus on him to take action. That strategy wouldn't prevent him changing the will but might make it harder. Of course the solicitor ought to see the hard evidence of incapacity, so it really is vital to gather evidence, as evidence always trumps opinion.
I agree. I think all you can do right now is step back a bit and stay away. Be unavailable if he phones. Have excuses ready if necessary - 'doing your back in' is always a good excuse for not doing anything.
And keep an eye on that girlfriend if you can. Her motives may not be altruistic...
And keep an eye on that girlfriend if you can. Her motives may not be altruistic...
Hi, haven't posted for a while, its been an absolute nightmare for over a year now. Still no diagnosis for my Dad, the false accusations have become absolutely absurd. All he keeps saying now is that I have stolen all of his money, transferred property illegally and my husband has hit him. His girlfriend is backing him up which is making the situation 10 times worse than it need be. She has taken control of his finances and is running with the false accusations even sending off forms to Land Registry to try and stop me selling my house, it is complete madness ! Dad has rang the police telling them I have stolen his property and I am greedy and deceitful, (it is unbelievable that my Dad could ever say those things about me) luckily we had already involved the police earlier this year so they are aware of the situation but there is very little they can do as I don't want Dad treated as a criminal I want a correct diagnosis for him with the hope there will be a medication that will alleviate some of his symptoms. My daughter keeps bursting into tears, grieving we think, but unfortunately she hears everything thats going on so is fully aware of the nasty things that Dad is doing. The police were brilliant when they came round and they reassured her that they will try to help us but she lives day to day thinking he is going to harm one of us or all of us, she goes to school worried that we won't be here when she gets home. I really do not have any choice but to move away now (Dad lives next door) although he has said he will cut down all of the hedges and drive his car into my front door if I try to sell my house. We have had six years of this madness and as much as I feel I am letting my Dad down by moving away it really is not him anymore and hasn't been for years now. I can't even bring myself to write down some of the awful things he and his girlfriend have done recently to try and cause distress and financial loss to us. Dad's girlfriend has now become very nasty towards us and since she has realised that Dad's aggression and abusive rants have been recorded on our cameras she has stopped him coming round and he isn't allowed to speak to us. In a way this has reduced the constant fear of the next onslaught that had become daily, but we worry if Dad is ok and what is happening to him. Adult Social Services said they would try to help but have since closed their file. Host mode keeps coming into play every time anyone official visits him. The GP just keeps saying Dad is refusing any further assessment so there is nothing he can do at the moment. I really feel that had Dad of been diagnosed correctly when he was seeing his psychiatrist we would not be in such a bad place, again his girlfriend played her part by going to every appointment with him and neither of them told the truth about his memory loss, aggression, anger, etc but you would of thought that these people are trained to spot these things. So basically we are still waiting for the disaster in order to get Dad the help he so desperately needs and then maybe we can get to a position where we can actually see him and help him, which is what he would of wanted.
I am so so so sorry that this horrible state of affairs is still ongoing.
The girlfriend is obviously enabling him, but she must be getting the brunt of his anger too. Eventually she wont be able to cope with it all. I think the disaster may be closer than you think.
If you need to move then do it. Your daughter shouldnt be subjected to this amount of stress. You dont have to have a For Sale sign up.
The girlfriend is obviously enabling him, but she must be getting the brunt of his anger too. Eventually she wont be able to cope with it all. I think the disaster may be closer than you think.
If you need to move then do it. Your daughter shouldnt be subjected to this amount of stress. You dont have to have a For Sale sign up.
My heart goes out to you. All I can say is that you have been/continue to be let down by the very people who should be helping your dad.
I do think part of the problem was him seeing a psychiatrist rather than a dementia specialist. People can be so convincing when in host mode and obviously the person he saw took everything he said at face value. I'm very concerned about the girlfriend's motives and suspect she's up to no good. Neither is she helping your father.
All you can do is keep recording his behaviour and gathering evidence. And keep calling the police. Sooner or later he will direct his aggression at them and they will act to get him sectioned. That's what is needed here.
I do think part of the problem was him seeing a psychiatrist rather than a dementia specialist. People can be so convincing when in host mode and obviously the person he saw took everything he said at face value. I'm very concerned about the girlfriend's motives and suspect she's up to no good. Neither is she helping your father.
All you can do is keep recording his behaviour and gathering evidence. And keep calling the police. Sooner or later he will direct his aggression at them and they will act to get him sectioned. That's what is needed here.
Hello, dad has now managed to convince a man from a Will Writing Company to send in forms to the Land Registry trying to change the deeds on a property that dad gifted to me in 2003 saying that it is not his signature ! He has also sent in all sorts of different forms trying to stop me from selling anything I own !!! I can not believe that there are unscrupulous people out there who can clearly see that dad is unwell that are taking his money and causing us so much distress. Dad has been making up these false accusations for over a year now and no solicitors have been taken in by it but this man is not regulated by anyone, not a solicitor but is behaving as though he is and dad is referring to him as his solicitor. I have explained everything to this man but he just keeps saying dad has shown him a letter saying he has capacity and he believes him, of course he does he is earning a huge fee ! He is also saying he has changed dad's will. How on earth can I stop these unscrupulous people taking advantage of my dad and causing us huge distress ?
I have loads of recordings of dad saying that he gifted me the house but has changed his mind and if I don't give him everything I own he will say I have fraudulently taken his property/money, maybe I should send all of them to the will writing man ?
I have loads of recordings of dad saying that he gifted me the house but has changed his mind and if I don't give him everything I own he will say I have fraudulently taken his property/money, maybe I should send all of them to the will writing man ?
Thinking outside the box here, perhaps you could get someone to do an up-to-date capacity check. If they say he does not have the capacity to change his will etc, then you can legally challenge anything that this man does. You will probably have to find a private Social Worker to it and pay for the service (whatever the outcome), but it might halt the problem.
Thank you Canary, I think its going to be impossible as dad's girlfriend is keeping him away from everyone now and the way dad is with us there is no way he will agree to see anyone. (he truly believes that he is perfectly ok and they are both riding on the back of a psychiatrist letter from May 2021 when she said he had no cognitive decline) ! I think I have good reason to challenge the psychiatrist again as its that letter that has caused us a lot of the problems in trying to fend off the false accusations. She went from suspecting Lewy Body Dementia in 2017 to saying he only had depression that he had recovered from in 2021 yet he is still prescribed antidepressants. I had written to her explaining everything we were witnessing and our concerns for dads' safety with unexplained bruises etc and all she did was tell dad and his girlfriend that I was unprofessional writing in to her !. The GP keeps trying to get him into the surgery but gets nowhere and I feel that even if he does get him to the surgery he won't force an assessment on him. It just seems that nobody can help us as dad is still able to function without help and nobody is really interested in the consequences to us of the false accusations the worry the fear of the aggression or that he is being taken advantage of. Its an absolute nightmare.
I have been reading through your thread @Lucinda33 and it is a truly dreadful situation you are in.
All I can think of immediately is to alert the Land Registry to this "fake solicitor", telling them he does not have the credentials to change any title of property. I think they would check this anyway. Can you find out more about him and send on information to the Land Registry and is there a way to stop him doing business.
Another thought - what does the title deed show - does your father have a beneficial interest in the property? For instance, my mother was shown on the title deed but we had a deed of trust drawn up to note her children's beneficial interests as we had contributed to the purchase of the property.
If you still have the EPA you can advise banks etc (if it is registered with them) that your father has lost capacity. I think I would be moving away before I did this so I didn't expose myself to his anger.
It sounds as if the GP is on your side - maybe he's been subject to some of your father's behaviour - can you continue to be in contact with him. What is happening with the business, by the way? If your father is involved still I imagine he will be making a mess of things. Are you in contact with customers/have complaints been made?
I also think you need to find a sympathetic solicitor to tell your story to and provide them with all the evidence you have and get their professional opinion to get help with the way your father is meddling in your own affairs. You need someone to represent you in all this.
Sorry not to be able to offer more concrete suggestions to get help for your father but I think this is turning out to be impossible given the way the medical professionals are acting.
All I can think of immediately is to alert the Land Registry to this "fake solicitor", telling them he does not have the credentials to change any title of property. I think they would check this anyway. Can you find out more about him and send on information to the Land Registry and is there a way to stop him doing business.
Another thought - what does the title deed show - does your father have a beneficial interest in the property? For instance, my mother was shown on the title deed but we had a deed of trust drawn up to note her children's beneficial interests as we had contributed to the purchase of the property.
If you still have the EPA you can advise banks etc (if it is registered with them) that your father has lost capacity. I think I would be moving away before I did this so I didn't expose myself to his anger.
It sounds as if the GP is on your side - maybe he's been subject to some of your father's behaviour - can you continue to be in contact with him. What is happening with the business, by the way? If your father is involved still I imagine he will be making a mess of things. Are you in contact with customers/have complaints been made?
I also think you need to find a sympathetic solicitor to tell your story to and provide them with all the evidence you have and get their professional opinion to get help with the way your father is meddling in your own affairs. You need someone to represent you in all this.
Sorry not to be able to offer more concrete suggestions to get help for your father but I think this is turning out to be impossible given the way the medical professionals are acting.
Thank you Nita, I have alerted the Land Registry to the fake solicitor and they are sympathetic to the situation and deal with these situations quite frequently but the problem is that they still have to follow procedure and whilst eventually they will throw all of the applications that the fake solicitor and dad are sending in out, it is still causing huge delay on the sale of the property. They only sent the applications in the day after the house showed as sold on the internet, when my last tenants vacated dad, his girlfriend and another friend of theirs changed the locks and wouldn't give me a key. This went on for three months and I didn't want to cause further aggression so I left things thinking that dad was just wanting to be back at our family home where he had good memories but after three months I couldn't cope with the financial loss or the fact that he wouldn't let any tradesman in to carry out repair work that was needed so I had my lettings agents change the locks. When they did this dad was up in the garden of the house, he knew what they were doing but he rang the police and told them that 5 people were breaking into his house. The police sent two police cars sirens playing and he told them that even though the house had my name on the deeds his girlfriend was sorting out litigation against me as it wasn't my house !! The EPA is still at Court of Protection and I am waiting to see of they have registered it. It is an impossible one !
Sorry OP I have no advice but this sounds terrifying. I do hope you can get some support, sounds as if the girlfriend is a nightmare. the POA originally would have been verified so I can't see how that can be overturned, esp if he has retired for decades and now suddely interfering with everything and such a change in behaviour. Do keep us posted but also focus on yourself and your little one.
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