Really embarrassed to ask.....

[Mme Blonde]

.....but recently my OH seems to spend a lot of his time taking his willy out and looking as though he is about to spend a penny. Fortunately I have so far managed to direct him towards the bathroom only to find that on most occasions he didn't really want to wee at all. Every time I do point it out to him and stop him he becomes very angry, as he always does if I have to guide or help him with anything. Any ideas?


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[irismary]

Not had that but could it be that he feels he needs to go but can't remember how? My OH goes hours without going, I get him in the loo and even then it can take him an age to go. He will ask what do I want him to do. I did get him to the GP who did a water check, which was clear, and a prostrate check, also ok. Its as if he doesn't recognise the sensation and seems to have to actually try to wee, it seems to be an effort rather than automatic. He also sits and inspects his underwear in great detail before he will go.

 

[Mme Blonde]

Not had that but could it be that he feels he needs to go but can't remember how? My OH goes hours without going, I get him in the loo and even then it can take him an age to go. He will ask what do I want him to do. I did get him to the GP who did a water check, which was clear, and a prostrate check, also ok. Its as if he doesn't recognise the sensation and seems to have to actually try to wee, it seems to be an effort rather than automatic. He also sits and inspects his underwear in great detail before he will go.

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[Mme Blonde]

He does go to the toilet regularly without any problem. He has an enlarged prostate and bladder problems that are monitored and dealt with three monthly. My worry is why he should decide to stand over the coffee table or in the kitchen and appear to be about to spend a penny.


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[stanleypj]

Sadly I doubt if you will get an explanation for this behaviour. Your worry is perfectly understandable. If what you fear does eventually happen, it will be time to try and get him to wear incontinence pads which, from what you've told us about him, might be hard.

These things are very difficult. I hope a solution can be found.

 

[stanleypj]

Perhaps you could ask whoever monitors his bladder/prostate problem if they can suggest anything.

 

[Kevinl]

Somebody who's husband did this told me that she used to pin the zip shut with a child's locking nappy pins so he couldn't work out how to open them.
In the NHS unit they said this might be a form of constraint so they couldn't do it, I laughed too. But it was them that had to do the mopping up so fair enough.
He still does it now but nothing like as often, I haven't seem him do it in a couple of weeks, it used to be every couple of days, he too gets aggressive too when the staff try and stop him and lashes out at them, but normally he's quite placid.
K

 

[love.dad.but..]

Don't feel embarrassed I have seen much more of dad than I ever thought I would and am sure he has shown me much more than he would have wanted to pre dementia! Whilst my dad doesn't leave his penis out he is often fiddling to get it out and it is usually because the signal of needing to go to wee gets only so far in the process and he then takes ages sometimes with success but often as he moves into incontinence he doesn't manage to go or thinks he has...wears pull ups....or forgets that he needed to go in the first place and then 5 mins later repeats the process as he gets another muddled signal. This in between stage is frustrating. He too gets cross but more to do with his lack of understanding of us trying to help and him protecting his private parts. I have no solutions other than to say someone at the care home suggested getting trousers that are more difficult for dad to undo but once I had pointed out that would frustrate him more and likely to get more agitated they agreed. On a good day dad can work out his zip fly on a bad day he isn't even aware he has soiled himself. I am gradually moving him into fully elasticated trousers to make it easier all round.

 

[pamann]

Hello Mme blonde, when my husband was at home he would wee anywhere he could bins, draws wardrobe, he just didn't know where the toilet was, even when l took him he got angry. In the CH we have 17 men, some of them get their bits out sometime they wee up radiators or wherever they are, carer's do there best to take them to the toilet, my husband doesn't always find his room and wee's any where, its a nightmare, something you just have to get used too ☺

 

[Jessbow]

If its a new thing, might be worth having GP out ( or making an appointment) to mke sure he isn't sore, bot an infection or a stuck foreskin or something.

Will he sit in a warm bath and have a soak?

 

[Mme Blonde]

Thanks for your support everyone. Whilst I have taken your suggestions on board I also realise that I probably have to face another stage in his illness.
Thanks again.


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[love.dad.but..]

Yes my dad has also mostly lost recognition of what a toilet is and pees in wastebins wardrobe corner of his room corridor even very sadly a fridge! So sad but he and others at his home can't help it...the loss of dignity with this illness is horrible he was the most private and respectful man pre dementia.

 

[HillyBilly]

even very sadly a fridge!

Chilly willy

 

[LadyA]

Chilly willy

Oh stop it, you naughty girl! Do they still make those icecreams? Never understood how they thought calling an icecream bar a Chilly Willy was a good idea!

 

[love.dad.but..]

Chilly willy

Very good although it wasn't funny at the time. The staff have a very pragmatic view to inappropriate toileting as part of the dementia. However all of the contents including staff drinks had to be thrown out and the fridge professionally cleaned but at least they hadn't just assumed the apple juice had spilt! Dad is attracted to white top things like a sink fridge or wastebin which I think he confuses with a urinal which I do sort of understand as in dementia confusion they blur into similarity! A local supermarket very kindly donated 6 buckets of flowers to the home at Valentines which dad watered!

 

[John4Sue]

.....but recently my OH seems to spend a lot of his time taking his willy out and looking as though he is about to spend a penny. Fortunately I have so far managed to direct him towards the bathroom only to find that on most occasions he didn't really want to wee at all. Every time I do point it out to him and stop him he becomes very angry, as he always does if I have to guide or help him with anything. Any ideas?


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I am going back about five or six years ago? I had a wierd feeling I was peeing! I wasn't but I felt like I was! I needed to reassure my self I wasn't so I would look! Please I am sorry to be so graphic but I even pulled my foreskin back to make sure I was not dribbling in anyway!
My underpants smelt of wee! I had not leaked!
Or if I had it was only minor! This is not nice for me to admit but I started using the kitchen sink to wee! I don't know why the downstairs toilet was only a couple of meters away! I became frightened of making work for Sue (pre her own strokes and dementia) so I used to check I was dry to the extreme! My day to day probs a few years on come in that "when I need to go I do imeadiately! So any port in a storm! Because I/we live in country I now tell Sue I going to water geraniums! We have not got any! I am at a point in my demtia where I can relate this to you today! Sue had major stroke issues in 2013 compared to mine she us major issue! Somehow the shock of Sue being so bad has regaled back my own status! I can't explain it!
Sue has given me her permission to share with you this she wares protection full 24/7 because she can't controll/predict when she needs to go! But like me its an emergency! I can walk normal but Sue is slower due to left side paralysis!
Both of us have a major aversion to the smell of wee! She must be sick of me asking her are you dry and clean? I know my loverly girl has leaked she says no! Many times this is not so!
I am in unusual position as sufferer and carer!
Also Sues condition has shocked me into what I call remission!
Please note this is an embarising subject for both of us!
Despite full protection I have a lot if laundry to do in the morning! I have a major thing now about the smell of wee! It could be another form of dementia coming out in me!
We get round this by having a shower together!
Lucky man John! Sue says he should be so lucky!?!?

 

[HillyBilly]

We get round this by having a shower together!
Lucky man John! Sue says he should be so lucky!?!?

How lovely! Every cloud...

 

[esmeralda]

How helpful and brave of you to share you and your wife's experiences John. Certainly being sufferer and carer is exceptionally tough but it sounds as though you are both still able to laugh together which is a great blessing.

 

[John4Sue]

How helpful and brave of you to share you and your wife's experiences John. Certainly being sufferer and carer is exceptionally tough but it sounds as though you are both still able to laugh together which is a great blessing.

We have to laugh at life and other things at the moment! It's the only way we get through!
I only hope that my ability to see and relate at the moment helps others far worse off than me!
I have a feeling my day will come! I hope so much not in Sue's liftime!
Sue reckons (talking sensibly this moment) the worst part of her disability is the inco, she is a proud person who does not like to ask for help!
Two male orderly's changing her in hospital (french) made her feel terrible! She had reasons for being private about her body that was snatched away by stroke!
I don't at moment have too many probs with this myself but I can remember when I did!

 

[stanleypj]

The two of you are a real inspiration John. Between you , you are coping with great difficulties. And yet you can still think about you might help others.