Really desperate and need advice please

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Spiderpig, May 27, 2015.

  1. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015
    Hi everyone,

    I'm new here so "Hi" to everyone,

    I'm my mum's carer and gave been since 2004 when she was diagnosed with bowel cancer, she beat that, they then told us she had bone cancer and was treated with radiotherapy, we were then called in after a check up and they had made a mistake and it was osteoarthritis (I think that's the former of arthritis it is),
    She then had a Tim 3 years ago, she was showing signs she had a stroke so she'd was admitted,

    She now has dementia, it's seriously suddenly got do much worse, I found her on the floor screeming my name, I found her fallen, on the bathroom floor covered in diariahh,

    I called 999, her blood pressure was low and she was admitted, they the released her the next day

    The problem I'm having at the moment is she is putting her sanitary towels down the toilet and blocking it, she has a bin next to the toilet but just won't use it and we can't control her diariahh even with 10 loperamide a day (doctors advice) but still nothing, we have both been getting a lot of bugs, stomach aches, sickness and I know why now, when she goes to the toilet I found her hands covered in not very nice stuff, so she was wiping with her hand and not washing them,

    I check her hands now every time she goes to the toilet and dissenfected everywhere,

    Any tips, advice would be appreciated, she refuses social services help and when they used to visit she would not say a word on 3 occasions, they gave up so did I,

    I'm very depressed and am in tears a lot and have depression but this is a situation I don't have a clue how to cope,

    I watch her diet , Have a list of foods not to feed for diahhorria so it's not an issue with food,

    I look forward to any, any advice or tips you may save my sanity


  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    If the medication does not work, you have to go back and tell the doctor so he can try something else. Could it maybe be overflow constipation? It presents as diaorrhea but is actually overflow bypassing the constipation. Please consult the doctor again, especially as she's had bowel cancer in the past.
  3. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    Hi Rob,

    You're not alone with the hand washing-not washing,them-poo on hands issue,you will get a lot of empathy and good advice on here,as it's a common problem,
    Ok,you're doing the right thing,by accompanying your mum,to make sure she's okay,as for the diarherra,I'd get the Gp to come over and check her out,it could be as simple as a good intolerance or medication reaction or something like Beate mentioned,as overflow incontinence.
    Have you got a care co ordinator at your doctors surgery?,they could arrange for continence nurse to come and assess your mum,maybe provide her with pull ups,check for probs?
    You're entitled to a carers assessment-your mum doesn't have to agree to that,it's not for her,it's for you,your needs are as important as those of your mums,a bit of a break a few hours a week,just to give you a breather,it's hard being a full time carer dealing with continence issues too= is very stressful.
    Hope you and your mum get some help soon,

    Take care,


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  4. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    Northern Ireland
    Hi Spiderpig. Given your mum's history with bowel cancer I would be pushing the GP very hard to investigate the diarrohea further. As Beatte said it could be that there is something in her bowel blocking it so the bowel is then producing the diarrohea to clear itself out (sorry if too much information).

    On how to stop the pads in the toilet...
    Have you considered getting a plastic potty device (i know there's a more technical term) that sits in the bowl under the seat. It means eveything goes into the plastic bowl so that anything you don't want to flush away is caught. I had one for mum. I got it on the internet but I can't recall where from.
  5. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    what about saying toilet broken locking door and getting her to use a comode chair .i have had to take wipes awy from my MIL as she blocked our toilet,we are now having issues of her not wipeing properly
  6. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015
    They have swapped them round when she was in hospital and still the same
  7. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015

    The doctor did mention an incontinence nurse, but my mum heard and got

  8. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015

    The doctor did mention an incontinence nurse, but my mum heard and got in a strop, she still has her dignity and is soon strong minded she refuses to wear or speak to anyone

  9. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015
    #9 Spiderpig, May 27, 2015
    Last edited: May 27, 2015
    Thanks ever, I will have a look into the potty system, that sounds ideal

    I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied, all your advice has been helpful and I'm definitely going to use the forums more, my problem is I left a very, very nice 6 figure salary, pension, shares, medical job in Victoria, London to look after mum as my local relatives wouldn't take on the responsibility, she lived in a sheltered accommodation flat for years, I moved in and slept on the floor for 7 years (I'm just over 6ft 4" so a sofa is a no go, I used blow up beds, must have popped 25 of them, I used to walk up with all the air gone and my legs up near my headâ˜șlike the beds that you see in comedies in hospitals, The council gave us 90 points in total, the only places were very violent areas and on the 10th floor of a high rise, she can hardly walk as it is,

    It's such a vile disease, as I'm sure you all know what I'm going through, it's ruined mums life and I don't have literally one friend, not one, I have been looking after her for so many years I have neglected myself.

    But I suppose that's life sadly

    Thanks again everyone

  10. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    Hiya Rob and welcome from me too.

    That carer's assessment - and the funding that'll probably result from it - can't come along soon enough, methinks. You need to do something (just once a week if that's all that can be managed) that'll reduce your isolation and give you something to look forward too ...
  11. Spiderpig

    Spiderpig Registered User

    May 27, 2015

    I get so worried leaving her alone, the last time I walked to the shops, only 5 mins away, I get a distressed call, she had wallked over my springy bed, slipped and cracked the back of her head leaving a perfect dent in the back of the study wall, she was checked over and was fine, so I feel like I can't leave her alone for;5minutes,

    I do go down stairs for some peace and a cigarette but I can hear her calling me as she has got to the stage where she couldn't care less about anything,

    For example, she orders me around like a Sergeant, she walks past anything on the floor if it needed to be put in the bin, she just isn't interested in life anymore, she actually said to my Sister . I wish I wasn't here a:mad:"and that terrifies me"


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