Really Bad Week so far ...

JulesLK

Registered User
May 22, 2007
44
Yorkshire
Dear All

Hope you don't mind if I have a bit of a rant and a moan .... but I do need to get something off my chest.

Last week was a bad week with dad wandering off, culminating in me out looking for him 4 times on Sunday. But yesterday morning while dad was at Day Care, my mother who is the primary carer was rushed into hospital. I contacted the Day Care Manager to explain and they kindly agreed to keep my dad over night. I also contacted Social Care Services from the hospital (the nursing staff also rang on my behalf) to explain that at 4 p.m. today my dad would return to an empty house. We heard nothing yesterday afternoon nor this morning .... eventually I rang them just before mid day and they had it logged on their computer but hadn't allocated the case !! Talk about sitting on their hands ....

To say I wasn't impressed is an understatement, so this afternoon I made several phone calls to the Rapid Access Team at the hospital plus other Social Services Departments. Eventually managed to secure a bed for him at his usual Day Care Unit until Sunday (they have been wonderful by the way). Now I am a fairly assertive person, polite but firm, but I do wonder how someone who doesn't have this personality trait deal with the inaction.

Sounds like mum has to have an operation but still waiting for scans and tests, so I am looking for help from SS to organise longer-term care for my dad. They should be ringing me tomorrow morning to arrange a meeting, not holding my breath but wish me luck.

Jules
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hello Jules LK

I am so sorry about your mum being taken into hospital and I hope that she soon makes a full recovery.

It sounds to me like you were right on the ball and it sounds as if you really know what you are doing. I wouldn't know where to begin trying to sort things out - I am very impressed with you - not with the services.

I think to have the sort of assertiveness that you have, one has to be fairly confident of what is what so that one can stand their ground. Is your dad aware of mum being ill and how is he coping with the change?

Your rant and rave proved to be very informative and has given me food for thought. Forwarned is forearmed:)

Love to you and hope you find some kind of rest amongst all this sorting out.

Helen
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Jules

So sorry to hear about your mum, I hope it's nothing too serious.

Well done for arranging emergency care for your dad. I hope SS get things sorted out for you, but you're right not to hold your breath. I expect you'll be doing the ringing round tomorrow again, but I'm sure you'll get everything sorted.

Love,
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,849
52
Wigan, Lancs
Now I am a fairly assertive person, polite but firm, but I do wonder how someone who doesn't have this personality trait deal with the inaction./QUOTE]

Jules, the same thing occurred to me when my Dad was in hospital, nothing wrong with him (apart from AD), going rapidly downhill and nobody seemed disposed to do anything, or even speak to us.

I dashed off a very strongly worded but polite letter on the computer, handed the original to the sister that evening, faxed a copy to PALS and to the GP; and for good measure added please ring me at so-and-so solicitors. It worked. We had a meeting the next afternoon and he was discharged within half an hour.

But what about people who don't have access to a computer and printer, a fax machine, and who are not used to drafting letters? Presumably they sink in the system. :mad:

Sorry to hear about your mum and I hope you get things sorted for your Dad tomorrow.
 

JulesLK

Registered User
May 22, 2007
44
Yorkshire
Thank you for your messages of support and good wishes. Just been to visit mum in hospital and although she is obviously not well, she seems a bit brighter than yesterday.

Thanks for the vote of confidence Helen, but truth be told, I don't know what I am doing or what's what and am actually dreading trying to sort through the sea of red tape. But I want the best for both my mum and dad.

Somehow I don't think I will be the most popular person at this meeting tomorrow (if it takes place), as when I called in at the Day Care with some clothes for my dad the Nurse told me I'd created a few waves :)

Jules
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hi Jules

Glad mum was a bit chirpier and we'll all be wishing you well for that meeting tomorrow. For someone who doesn't really know what she's doing, you are doing really well and I am impressed - really. I bet you are dreading it though because who would want to deal with it all if there was a choice?!

Life on the Ocean Waves, Life on the Ocean Waves. So you've created some waves, when mum was taken into hospital there was bound to be a rippling effect - you haven't created the waves, the circumstances have and it's not your fault if others are then challenged to meet the demands this involves. GOOD LUCK and hope all goes well.

Love Helen
 

Christinec

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
214
Hi Jules,
I hope your Mum is doing well. Horrible situation and similar to what happened last year when Mum went in to care so I have evry sympathy with you. I also had to create waves and also wonder what on earth happens to people who cannot or will not. But these people we deal with are doing a job. The art is to create waves and still manage to keep a working relationship going with them - makes it all even more stressful.

Good luck and take care.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
The art is to create waves and still manage to keep a working relationship going with them - makes it all even more stressful.
Absolutely right, Christine!

It's so difficult when you're stressed and upset. The ideal is to walk away and tackle the problem when you've calmed down, but that's not always possible, some things have to be dealt with on the spot.

It's best though to try to keep the personal out of it. You simply want to ensure the best possible care for your loved one, not to make anyone feel inadequate or defensive.

As I said, not easy!:eek:
 

JulesLK

Registered User
May 22, 2007
44
Yorkshire
Well the meeting/assessment took place ... only they didn't bother to inform me so nobody from the family were present and to be honest, not quite sure how I am feeling about it! Glad they have finally done something positive but having taken the day off work to be there, am slightly annoyed they went ahead without telling me.

Anyway they have finally seemed to realised we weren't making a fuss about nothing and actually asked us why they hadn't been involved with my father before now. Told them that as a family we had managed to keep him at home (with help from the hospital and Day Centre) but now with my mum's health deteriorating we just couldn't manage anymore. They reckon they can find him another respite bed until we can find somewhere more permanent and should have more details for us tomorrow. Just need to sort out finances now.

My stress levels and feelings of guilt about abandoning my dad could become quite overwhelming if I sat down and thought about it all. :(

Jules
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,827
Kent
Jules, don`t think about it too much. You are doing your level best in the interests of both parents. No-one can expect more.

That the meeting went ahead without you is a disgrace, but save your energies for your parents. Just make a note of this meeting and the fact you weren`t invited. It might come in handy in the future.

Lovexx
 

JulesLK

Registered User
May 22, 2007
44
Yorkshire
Thought we'd finally got something sorted .... Social Services told us of a place in a Care Home near to where my mum lives and on our visit yesterday, it seemed really nice. However when the Manager went to assess my dad today, they told us he is too high risk due to his aggression and they cannot accommodate him. Back to square one :(

Waiting for a phone call from Social Services (what a surprise and still not holding my breath) to tell us our options before Monday afternoon when the Day Care Unit need their bed back !!

But the good news is my mum had her operation this morning which the hospital tell us has gone well.

Jules
 

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