Really Bad Week so far ...

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by JulesLK, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. JulesLK

    JulesLK Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    44
    Yorkshire
    Dear All

    Hope you don't mind if I have a bit of a rant and a moan .... but I do need to get something off my chest.

    Last week was a bad week with dad wandering off, culminating in me out looking for him 4 times on Sunday. But yesterday morning while dad was at Day Care, my mother who is the primary carer was rushed into hospital. I contacted the Day Care Manager to explain and they kindly agreed to keep my dad over night. I also contacted Social Care Services from the hospital (the nursing staff also rang on my behalf) to explain that at 4 p.m. today my dad would return to an empty house. We heard nothing yesterday afternoon nor this morning .... eventually I rang them just before mid day and they had it logged on their computer but hadn't allocated the case !! Talk about sitting on their hands ....

    To say I wasn't impressed is an understatement, so this afternoon I made several phone calls to the Rapid Access Team at the hospital plus other Social Services Departments. Eventually managed to secure a bed for him at his usual Day Care Unit until Sunday (they have been wonderful by the way). Now I am a fairly assertive person, polite but firm, but I do wonder how someone who doesn't have this personality trait deal with the inaction.

    Sounds like mum has to have an operation but still waiting for scans and tests, so I am looking for help from SS to organise longer-term care for my dad. They should be ringing me tomorrow morning to arrange a meeting, not holding my breath but wish me luck.

    Jules
     
  2. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Jules LK

    I am so sorry about your mum being taken into hospital and I hope that she soon makes a full recovery.

    It sounds to me like you were right on the ball and it sounds as if you really know what you are doing. I wouldn't know where to begin trying to sort things out - I am very impressed with you - not with the services.

    I think to have the sort of assertiveness that you have, one has to be fairly confident of what is what so that one can stand their ground. Is your dad aware of mum being ill and how is he coping with the change?

    Your rant and rave proved to be very informative and has given me food for thought. Forwarned is forearmed:)

    Love to you and hope you find some kind of rest amongst all this sorting out.

    Helen
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Jules

    So sorry to hear about your mum, I hope it's nothing too serious.

    Well done for arranging emergency care for your dad. I hope SS get things sorted out for you, but you're right not to hold your breath. I expect you'll be doing the ringing round tomorrow again, but I'm sure you'll get everything sorted.

    Love,
     
  4. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
     
  5. JulesLK

    JulesLK Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    44
    Yorkshire
    Thank you for your messages of support and good wishes. Just been to visit mum in hospital and although she is obviously not well, she seems a bit brighter than yesterday.

    Thanks for the vote of confidence Helen, but truth be told, I don't know what I am doing or what's what and am actually dreading trying to sort through the sea of red tape. But I want the best for both my mum and dad.

    Somehow I don't think I will be the most popular person at this meeting tomorrow (if it takes place), as when I called in at the Day Care with some clothes for my dad the Nurse told me I'd created a few waves :)

    Jules
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good for you!

    I'm afraid it's the only way to make things happen. Shouldn't be, but .......
     
  7. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hi Jules

    Glad mum was a bit chirpier and we'll all be wishing you well for that meeting tomorrow. For someone who doesn't really know what she's doing, you are doing really well and I am impressed - really. I bet you are dreading it though because who would want to deal with it all if there was a choice?!

    Life on the Ocean Waves, Life on the Ocean Waves. So you've created some waves, when mum was taken into hospital there was bound to be a rippling effect - you haven't created the waves, the circumstances have and it's not your fault if others are then challenged to meet the demands this involves. GOOD LUCK and hope all goes well.

    Love Helen
     
  8. Christinec

    Christinec Registered User

    Aug 8, 2007
    214
    Hi Jules,
    I hope your Mum is doing well. Horrible situation and similar to what happened last year when Mum went in to care so I have evry sympathy with you. I also had to create waves and also wonder what on earth happens to people who cannot or will not. But these people we deal with are doing a job. The art is to create waves and still manage to keep a working relationship going with them - makes it all even more stressful.

    Good luck and take care.
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Absolutely right, Christine!

    It's so difficult when you're stressed and upset. The ideal is to walk away and tackle the problem when you've calmed down, but that's not always possible, some things have to be dealt with on the spot.

    It's best though to try to keep the personal out of it. You simply want to ensure the best possible care for your loved one, not to make anyone feel inadequate or defensive.

    As I said, not easy!:eek:
     
  10. JulesLK

    JulesLK Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    44
    Yorkshire
    Well the meeting/assessment took place ... only they didn't bother to inform me so nobody from the family were present and to be honest, not quite sure how I am feeling about it! Glad they have finally done something positive but having taken the day off work to be there, am slightly annoyed they went ahead without telling me.

    Anyway they have finally seemed to realised we weren't making a fuss about nothing and actually asked us why they hadn't been involved with my father before now. Told them that as a family we had managed to keep him at home (with help from the hospital and Day Centre) but now with my mum's health deteriorating we just couldn't manage anymore. They reckon they can find him another respite bed until we can find somewhere more permanent and should have more details for us tomorrow. Just need to sort out finances now.

    My stress levels and feelings of guilt about abandoning my dad could become quite overwhelming if I sat down and thought about it all. :(

    Jules
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,652
    Kent
    Jules, don`t think about it too much. You are doing your level best in the interests of both parents. No-one can expect more.

    That the meeting went ahead without you is a disgrace, but save your energies for your parents. Just make a note of this meeting and the fact you weren`t invited. It might come in handy in the future.

    Lovexx
     
  12. JulesLK

    JulesLK Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    44
    Yorkshire
    Thought we'd finally got something sorted .... Social Services told us of a place in a Care Home near to where my mum lives and on our visit yesterday, it seemed really nice. However when the Manager went to assess my dad today, they told us he is too high risk due to his aggression and they cannot accommodate him. Back to square one :(

    Waiting for a phone call from Social Services (what a surprise and still not holding my breath) to tell us our options before Monday afternoon when the Day Care Unit need their bed back !!

    But the good news is my mum had her operation this morning which the hospital tell us has gone well.

    Jules
     

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