Real fire everyday

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
Hi, just wondering if anyone has experienced this and has any tips on how to stop my mum putting a real fire in every day. Even in 35 degrees it's the first this she does in the morning between 5am-9.00am when she gets up. She has limited resources and at £225 per month for coal its soon going to run out. She also has gas heating @ £100 p/m. She wears shorts/ little top & sandals summer & winter now & won't put additional clothes on. By lunchtime its too hot so she goes to sit in another room but continues to keep the fire topped up. Have tried to have the fire out but she won't let me under any circumstances.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,356
0
Kent
It`s habit of a lifetime @SherrieD.

Did your mother in her younger days need a fire to ensure she had hot water? This is how it was years ago when there was no central heating or hot water on tap. This may be the reason your mother needs a fire in all weathers.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,659
0
Midlands
What would happen if there was no coal? so she simply couldnt make up the fire?

Is she at risk of falls generally? A coal fire is a real safety risk!
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
It`s habit of a lifetime @SherrieD.

Did your mother in her younger days need a fire to ensure she had hot water? This is how it was years ago when there was no central heating or hot water on tap. This may be the reason your mother needs a fire in all weathers.
Thank you, yes they always had a coal fire. The hot water was from an electric water heater on the wall.
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
What would happen if there was no coal? so she simply couldnt make up the fire?

Is she at risk of falls generally? A coal fire is a real safety risk!
Thank you, if I didn't order the coal I would feel guilty as she says she's always cold. This morning I tried to get there as soon as she was up & asked where she was cold & she said I'm not, I'm fine today so I wont need a fire. Within 10 minutes of me leaving she had lit it. I do worry as she lights a piece of paper in the kitchen & carries it to the lounge. I've bought those long disposable gas lighters but she won't use them. She thinks I'm interfering if I try to explain any dangers.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,248
0
High Peak
This is SO dangerous! I think you have to take matters into your own hands and accept she's going to be annoyed with you. No more coal, no more real fires. Get someone in to - hopefully - block the fireplace and buy her a nice new electric fire.

If you can blame someone else, so much the better. How about the council? Should she be burning coal anyway? Most areas no longer allow it (certainly not permitted where I live!) so how about telling her the local council are now prosecuting people who burn coal, that it is no longer allowed, it's a smokeless zone, etc.
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
This is SO dangerous! I think you have to take matters into your own hands and accept she's going to be annoyed with you. No more coal, no more real fires. Get someone in to - hopefully - block the fireplace and buy her a nice new electric fire.

If you can blame someone else, so much the better. How about the council? Should she be burning coal anyway? Most areas no longer allow it (certainly not permitted where I live!) so how about telling her the local council are now prosecuting people who burn coal, that it is no longer allowed, it's a smokeless zone, etc.
Thanks for your suggestion & replacing the fire will have to happen at sum point. I'm going to have to invent something. Coal is still an option here as we are quite rural (i live next door) we are the only 2 houses down a long dirt track & we also have a coal fire so still need it to be delivered, you can imagine that as soon as anyone drives down here mum is out to talk to them We have fitted smoke alarms that go off in our house if she sets hers off.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,356
0
Kent
I remember my grandmother lighting a rolled up piece of newspaper from the gas cooker and walking through the living room to light the coal fire. It was standard practice 70 years ago.

The only option for you @SherrieD is to disable the gas cooker and replace it with electric if you can.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
0
Ingrained memory dies very hard. My Mum put an electric kettle on the gas and lit it. Even after she had used an electric kettle for years. Very hard to break the cycle of behaviour.
You may not feel this is appropriate, but could you arrange respite for her, outside her home, whilst changes were made to get rid of a gas stove/real fires? I know this sounds like a betrayal, but the risks of real fires are great, and I suspect if you put a fake electric fire in, she would try to light that with a taper too, or throw things on it to burn.

These situations are always very hard. My father has an air rifle he was given as a child. He loves it. I am going to have to remove it from the house at some point because he is now losing the concept of risk. He hasn't used it in years, I am not even sure he can. I hope you are able to find a solution.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,248
0
High Peak
How about a free government scheme for older people where they come and replace your old fashioned open fire with a nice new modern one? ;) Would that work?

But as @Helly68 says, there may be further problems even then, if she uses the lit paper trick to try to light an electric fire. My gran would turn on her gas fire, then go to the kitchen to light a screwed up twist of newspaper from the gas cooker, then go back and use it to light the gas fire (which had a faulty ignition/pilot light thing). As that had been pumping out gas for a while, unlit, it would light with a Whoooomph!

I think you have to find a solution to this because otherwise the house will burn down with your mother in it and maybe your house too. You must be constantly worried!

Drastic and maybe not something you want, but have you thought about having your own coal fire replaced too? Then you could probably convince your mum to get hers done at the same time...
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
Thank you, mum is fiercely independent & also drinks 2-3 litres of gin per week. I thought when her driving licence was taken away she would no longer be able to get it but she's happy to walk to the local village and buy a bottle several times a week. I did try to stop this but she can be very aggressive, abusive and destructive. My partner was filling a pothole in the lane last week and she came out and hit him with a shovel, saying get off my land, ( it wasn't her land) even after he had explained what he was doing & she accepted it. I would never be able to get her into respite unless there is an incident She still believes the doctors are talking rubbish about her dementia. I'm currently waiting for an assessment, maybe we can use that as a starting point to get the process of removing the fire going. Thank you all for your comments, sometimes its just reassurance that's needed.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
0
@SherrieD - it is hard. My father is also fiercely independent and a regular heavy drinker. He walks to the shop each day, ostensibly to get a paper, but also a bottle of wine. There is no point in trying to talk to him about that, and any way, he has the right to make decisions, even if they aren't always that wise.
It sounds as though you are very close, and monitoring things, which is good. That may well be all you can do at the moment. I would be happy if my father stopped using hedge trimmers whilst up a ladder, in the full sun with no sun hat (he has skin cancer issues). However, he isn't going to stop (apparently he is going to redecorate the front of the house soon - hopefully this is wishful thinking) and I cannot always be there as I am at work.
My view is, in order for anything to change with my father, (for instance regular carer visits for medication and support with shopping) there would need to be an incident. He has had some falls, and if one was serious, I can imagine that his coming out of hospital would only happen if carers visited.
Hopefully if you get the assessment, it will be, as you say, the start of looking at changes. It is hard though. Daddy was very short with me the day I suggested carer visits. He does not eat enough, but he says it is up to him, his decision. At the moment, that is where we are.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,248
0
High Peak
Thank you, mum is fiercely independent & also drinks 2-3 litres of gin per week. I thought when her driving licence was taken away she would no longer be able to get it but she's happy to walk to the local village and buy a bottle several times a week. I did try to stop this but she can be very aggressive, abusive and destructive. My partner was filling a pothole in the lane last week and she came out and hit him with a shovel, saying get off my land, ( it wasn't her land) even after he had explained what he was doing & she accepted it. I would never be able to get her into respite unless there is an incident She still believes the doctors are talking rubbish about her dementia. I'm currently waiting for an assessment, maybe we can use that as a starting point to get the process of removing the fire going. Thank you all for your comments, sometimes its just reassurance that's needed.
Oh, I do get that! As it happened, mum went from bumbling along on her own, undiagnosed, to a fall getting off a bus, hospital for a couple of months then straight to a care home, as her cognition took a massive drop. But I can imagine her reaction if I had suggested any sort of help before that, although she had no memory of what she'd just done, couldn't use TV, computer, washing machine, broke 3 microwaves, wasn't eating properly, had constant UTIs, etc. But her health was otherwise OK and she never saw the doctor.

If I'd had the nerve, the cheek, the audacity to suggest there was the slightest thing wrong with her... I'd still be hearing the echoes of her rage through the universe now...
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
Oh, I do get that! As it happened, mum went from bumbling along on her own, undiagnosed, to a fall getting off a bus, hospital for a couple of months then straight to a care home, as her cognition took a massive drop. But I can imagine her reaction if I had suggested any sort of help before that, although she had no memory of what she'd just done, couldn't use TV, computer, washing machine, broke 3 microwaves, wasn't eating properly, had constant UTIs, etc. But her health was otherwise OK and she never saw the doctor.

If I'd had the nerve, the cheek, the audacity to suggest there was the slightest thing wrong with her... I'd still be hearing the echoes of her rage through the universe now...
Thank you for your reply, tis an awful predicament to be in. But knowing you are not alone helps.
 

SherrieD

Registered User
Sep 24, 2021
16
0
@SherrieD - it is hard. My father is also fiercely independent and a regular heavy drinker. He walks to the shop each day, ostensibly to get a paper, but also a bottle of wine. There is no point in trying to talk to him about that, and any way, he has the right to make decisions, even if they aren't always that wise.
It sounds as though you are very close, and monitoring things, which is good. That may well be all you can do at the moment. I would be happy if my father stopped using hedge trimmers whilst up a ladder, in the full sun with no sun hat (he has skin cancer issues). However, he isn't going to stop (apparently he is going to redecorate the front of the house soon - hopefully this is wishful thinking) and I cannot always be there as I am at work.
My view is, in order for anything to change with my father, (for instance regular carer visits for medication and support with shopping) there would need to be an incident. He has had some falls, and if one was serious, I can imagine that his coming out of hospital would only happen if carers visited.
Hopefully if you get the assessment, it will be, as you say, the start of looking at changes. It is hard though. Daddy was very short with me the day I suggested carer visits. He does not eat enough, but he says it is up to him, his decision. At the moment, that is where we are.
This is all so familiar, sounds as though we are just waiting for something to happen for intervention. I have to go around 3 or 4 times a day to sort the TV out & can't count how many times to find things. Every drawer & cupboard is filled with a random mix of clothes, bric a brac, food, kitchen utensils & make up. It's difficult to find anything. Have given up trying to sort it out. I wish you all the best with your dad, sounds like its going to be tough.
 

jeanbrodie

New member
Feb 26, 2021
2
0
Hi, just wondering if anyone has experienced this and has any tips on how to stop my mum putting a real fire in every day. Even in 35 degrees it's the first this she does in the morning between 5am-9.00am when she gets up. She has limited resources and at £225 per month for coal its soon going to run out. She also has gas heating @ £100 p/m. She wears shorts/ little top & sandals summer & winter now & won't put additional clothes on. By lunchtime its too hot so she goes to sit in another room but continues to keep the fire topped up. Have tried to have the fire out but she won't let me under any circumstances.
It depemds if you live with your Mum, much easier to control central heating. Explain to coalman not to deliver coal in summer months,
 

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