Ready to scream!

[Redpoppy]

Again a small thing is driving me mad. After the usual day of repeated questions and wanting something to eat (forgetting he's already eaten a meal just 10mins ago ) OH had decided to go to bed early leaving me in peace to watch TV. But in 20 mins. He has checked that the front door. Balcony door and windows are locked 6times. I couldn't help raising my voice and telling him to go to bed for goodness sake. I dread the hrs 9pm
-10pm. I suppose this is the sun downing so many of you mention in your posts. It's been going on for months. I suppose I have to get used to it-but it's not easy. I so admire all the carers who are coping with far worse experiences . I feel better already after writing this. Thanks to you all on TP.for being there.

 

[marionq]

Know exactly how you feel. I have something arranged for husband every day and would just love to sit down in the evening to read or listen to the radio or watch TV. Every night John "wants to go the pub" - he doesn't drink other than a small glass of beer or wine occasionally so this has just become a kind of mantra which means he wants to go out.

Nothing will calm him so I end up getting my coat on and walking until he drops - with two sticks and a bad knee he has limitations. If I don't go he gets lost and I can only find him by ringing his mobile phone and getting him to read the street signs to me. It drives me nuts!!

 

[Redpoppy]

I really feel for you, it must be awful having to go out when you're tired and weary. At least I can sit in my home in the evenings. My husband has heart failure so finds walking an an effort. Hopefully these phases don't last too long. Roll on some good weather-at least the walk will be more pleasant for you.

 

[Witzend]

Again a small thing is driving me mad. After the usual day of repeated questions and wanting something to eat (forgetting he's already eaten a meal just 10mins ago ) OH had decided to go to bed early leaving me in peace to watch TV. But in 20 mins. He has checked that the front door. Balcony door and windows are locked 6times. I couldn't help raising my voice and telling him to go to bed for goodness sake. I dread the hrs 9pm
-10pm. I suppose this is the sun downing so many of you mention in your posts. It's been going on for months. I suppose I have to get used to it-but it's not easy. I so admire all the carers who are coping with far worse experiences . I feel better already after writing this. Thanks to you all on TP.for being there.

I know what you mean - it can drive you absolutely bonkers. My mother used to check obsessively - doors, windows, gas, over and over. Not to mention switching everything off. Not just at night, but before going out. Quite early in her dementia I found it impossible to take her out any more - she would start fretting so badly half a mile down the road and it was no use telling we'd checked everything together. I would have to take her back.

As you do in the beginning, when you blithely think there must be a simple answer, I made checklists of everything, so we could go round and tick everything off together - a tick box for me and another for her. Then she could keep this on her lap in the car and know everything was OK. That would obviously work, wouldn't it?
Did it *****!
You learn the hard way, or at least I did...

 

[Batsue]

I know what you mean - it can drive you absolutely bonkers. My mother used to check obsessively - doors, windows, gas, over and over. Not to mention switching everything off. Not just at night, but before going out. Quite early in her dementia I found it impossible to take her out any more - she would start fretting so badly half a mile down the road and it was no use telling we'd checked everything together. I would have to take her back.

As you do in the beginning, when you blithely think there must be a simple answer, I made checklists of everything, so we could go round and tick everything off together - a tick box for me and another for her. Then she could keep this on her lap in the car and know everything was OK. That would obviously work, wouldn't it?
Did it *****!
You learn the hard way, or at least I did...

This sounds very like my mum, she is constantly looking for & checking on things. Yesterday she kept asking me whether she had got her cards back in the supermarket all the way home (an hours drive).

 

[Chuggalug]

I remember those days all too well, Redpoppy. It wasn't checking doors so much, although that did happen, with my hubby barricading the back door with a chair, or the living room door, which leads to the kitchen. Always at night with the light off, chair left in the way. Almost fell over the stupid thing!

Phew, did that send my hackles rising!

I never knew what started the barricading, or why he chose to do such a thing.

Mostly, it was the pacing I could never get used to. Such dreadful, constant restlessness.

 

[Bill Owen]

Have to come home

again a small thing is driving me mad. After the usual day of repeated questions and wanting something to eat (forgetting he's already eaten a meal just 10mins ago ) oh had decided to go to bed early leaving me in peace to watch tv. But in 20 mins. He has checked that the front door. Balcony door and windows are locked 6times. I couldn't help raising my voice and telling him to go to bed for goodness sake. I dread the hrs 9pm
-10pm. I suppose this is the sun downing so many of you mention in your posts. It's been going on for months. I suppose i have to get used to it-but it's not easy. I so admire all the carers who are coping with far worse experiences . I feel better already after writing this. Thanks to you all on tp.for being there.

hi i no whats it like i singe in a male voice choir . Had to finnsh has my wife care who look after her when i was in the choir. Would phone me up so say that delyth is in a bad way . I have to go home . This illness control has. Has well .sorry about the spling im dislx.

 

[patsy56]

Oh yes mater, keys, cards, door, alarm everything. With B has always been doors and has to check and recheck looking out the windows.

I have or do now go along with it all and just grit my teeth.

And Bill don't worry about spelling. **huggs**

 

[Redpoppy]

It's obviously a common problem we have here. Tonight has been worse than last night. He checked one of the doors,turned to lean on the table and walked back to check yet again in just a few seconds.I try to understand that probably his thoughts are so muddled he can't work things out and must feel very insecure. Although I still lose patience when he wears himself out walking in and out the rooms. A funny thing happened earlier though---He accused me of drinking the beer cans I keep in the fridge for my son -in -laws if they visit .I never drink beer and only occassionally drink a glass of wine. I noticed the glass he takes to bed for the night had a light brown liquid in it.Asked him what it was and he didn't have a clue! It was the beer--and he's been opening one or two of the cans himself. I've hidden them now and given him flavoured water!!

 

[esmeralda]

hi i no whats it like i singe in a male voice choir . Had to finnsh has my wife care who look after her when i was in the choir. Would phone me up so say that delyth is in a bad way . I have to go home . This illness control has. Has well .sorry about the spling im dislx.

It'ss good that you post Bill, when the dyslexia must make it difficult. Good to hear from you, like patsy said, no one cares about the spelling.

Redpoppy, it doesn't sound at all like a small thing, your husband's behaviours sound extremely difficult to cope with. Glad you have posted on here, it helps to unload.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Redpoppy]

hi i no whats it like i singe in a male voice choir . Had to finnsh has my wife care who look after her when i was in the choir. Would phone me up so say that delyth is in a bad way . I have to go home . This illness control has. Has well .sorry about the spling im dislx.

Hello Bill. Good to see you posting on TP and don't worry about the spelling--we can understand what you're saying and people here will help whenever they can.You really need the break and the socialising you get from the Choir so I hope you can find a way around it.Do you have family who would sit with your wife,or does she have friends who may be able to help out.? Being a carer for someone with this disease is so frustrating and I hope your situation improves soon.