My mum has very strong delusions and acts on them. She has no idea that they are not true. Living at home on her own they have become worse and worse. Life is very anxious and stressful because of them to the point of wishing to commit suicide. I cannot care for her for many, many, reasons but especially because she doesn't treat me like I am adult. She only wants me there as a safety backup as long as I agree with her and tow the line. If I don't or I question what she is saying then she gets angry and cuts me off. I don't feel adequately trained to deal with her moods and poorliness.
Reaching Out
- Thread starter Otiruz
- Start date
My mum has very strong delusions and acts on them. She has no idea that they are not true. Living at home on her own they have become worse and worse. Life is very anxious and stressful because of them to the point of wishing to commit suicide. I cannot care for her for many, many, reasons but especially because she doesn't treat me like I am adult. She only wants me there as a safety backup as long as I agree with her and tow the line. If I don't or I question what she is saying then she gets angry and cuts me off. I don't feel adequately trained to deal with her moods and poorliness.
Hi Sterling, I absolutely recognise your distress and inability to care for your Mum. By speaking with a carer's support worker I was able to recognise that I have been bullied (sometimes in a very subliminal way), all my life by my Mum. I don't harbour any grudge and love her dearly BUT I too do not feel adequately trained to deal with my Mum, her moods, bullying or declining physical and mental health. My mother too has attempted suicide (twice many years ago) and recently stood at her front door and said she would not be alive the following morning whilst demanding I leave because I was trying to help her. It drains your confidence and affects everything in your life. I am trying to find a way through the quagmire of problems - as I suspect you are.
Hospital Worry
Can anyone advise what the procedure for discharging a patient with mixed dementia from hospital should be? My Mum has been hospitalised for 12 days. Her knee/circulation/DVT problem has been stabilised but her dementia has certainly taken a downturn. I was told "nothing showed up on the CT scan" through to "there has not been a CT scan" to "has your Mother been officially diagnosed with dementia" and starting with "we are worried about her rambling". There is no continuity and I have repeatedly asked for a Social Care Assessment to be made. Today I was told Mum would be discharged tomorrow. I asked if she had had an assessment and received a blank look - I told the nurse my mother was a vulnerable adult and could not be discharged without an assessment. The nurse gave me the number of the hospital social services team and I was told Mum would be assessed tomorrow. I cannot believe that despite giving the hospital ward photo copies of my Mum's dementia assessment made 18 months ago and a copy of the social care assistant/OT's report from November - that anyone with two eyes and a pair of ears could allow my Mum home and think she would be capable of coping. Had I not been there today I believe my poor Mum might have been discharged without any ongoing support.
Can anyone advise what the procedure for discharging a patient with mixed dementia from hospital should be? My Mum has been hospitalised for 12 days. Her knee/circulation/DVT problem has been stabilised but her dementia has certainly taken a downturn. I was told "nothing showed up on the CT scan" through to "there has not been a CT scan" to "has your Mother been officially diagnosed with dementia" and starting with "we are worried about her rambling". There is no continuity and I have repeatedly asked for a Social Care Assessment to be made. Today I was told Mum would be discharged tomorrow. I asked if she had had an assessment and received a blank look - I told the nurse my mother was a vulnerable adult and could not be discharged without an assessment. The nurse gave me the number of the hospital social services team and I was told Mum would be assessed tomorrow. I cannot believe that despite giving the hospital ward photo copies of my Mum's dementia assessment made 18 months ago and a copy of the social care assistant/OT's report from November - that anyone with two eyes and a pair of ears could allow my Mum home and think she would be capable of coping. Had I not been there today I believe my poor Mum might have been discharged without any ongoing support.
It's scary isn't it?
Stand firm until she has been seen by social services & try to be there yourself.
Stand firm until she has been seen by social services & try to be there yourself.
Otiruz , so sorry to hear of yet another person being put through this by the various services that are supposed to be there to support us all.
Cat - IMHO it's more than scary, it's criminal negligence and will be judged as such by future generations
Cat - IMHO it's more than scary, it's criminal negligence and will be judged as such by future generations
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Hi Otiruz
your mum should only be discharged with a full care package in place - often called something like reablement - my dad had 6 weeks of free home care visits, 4 a day to help with getting up, meals, meds and going to bed; also a physio visit and occupational therapist - the team themselves discussed dad's situation and through the 6 weeks suggested support for him
let the hospital know that you are fully aware of this and will not accept your mum back until you are CERTAIN a package is in place and will start immediately - be clear with them that you are not prepared to take this on yourself, so if they do send her home, they are sending a 'vulnerable adult' somewhere she will be 'at risk' when they have a 'duty of care'
the aim of the package is to keep a patient out of hospital
I wish you well
your mum should only be discharged with a full care package in place - often called something like reablement - my dad had 6 weeks of free home care visits, 4 a day to help with getting up, meals, meds and going to bed; also a physio visit and occupational therapist - the team themselves discussed dad's situation and through the 6 weeks suggested support for him
let the hospital know that you are fully aware of this and will not accept your mum back until you are CERTAIN a package is in place and will start immediately - be clear with them that you are not prepared to take this on yourself, so if they do send her home, they are sending a 'vulnerable adult' somewhere she will be 'at risk' when they have a 'duty of care'
the aim of the package is to keep a patient out of hospital
I wish you well
