reached the end i think

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by tuffydawn, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    123
    I have done so much thinking and crying over last few monthes but this week realised i can not longer cope i know if i carry on i will lose my mental well being and probably my business i have no idea how you even start the process or deal with the quilt
     
  2. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,405
     
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,405
    I am so sorry that you have reached such a low point. Guilt is so destructive, we could all do better or rather feel as if we could, but so much is out of our control, there is so much harm done by guilt it disables the able.
    Please ditch the gremlin, appreciate what you have achieved. We are all human with our own frailties.
    Love yourself and it flows out to others. If I was near I would give you a big hug.
    We are asked to do so much, it is easy to burn out. X
     
  4. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    @tuffydawn you have done everything humanly possible. You are right not to let the illness destroy you too. I know, I’ve been there.
    Please get help ASAP
    ((((Hugs))))
    Lindy xx
     
  5. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    123
    thank you i need to feel alive again or i will go under
     
  6. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,405
    Tell your GP urgently, get the help asap. X
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    @tuffydawn you could also ask for an urgent social services needs assessment. I’m sorry, I don’t know your situation or whether you have any help at the moment.

    Or call the helpline - number on main page of this forum, scroll down and you’ll find it.

    More (((hugs)))
    Lindy xx

    Edited to add helpline number: 0300 222 1122
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,582
    Female
    Dundee
    I’m sorry things are so bad. I agree with others that you should contact Social Services and let them know you can no longer cope.

    It might be good to talk things through on the Dociety’s Helpline. They’re closed now but will be open at 10am tomorrow. The number is as follows -

    03002221122
     
  9. Ernest

    Ernest Registered User

    Jan 23, 2018
    80
    Tuffydawn, I know how you are feeling. My OH went into a CH in June. I have never had to make such a decision in my life before. I had tried my best to keep him at home but there comes a point when you just have to give in. It isn't easy. I find visiting heartbreaking but he's safe and well looked after. If he were at home he would need carer's and he would probably end up in A&E yet again. I still worry about him. He's on my mind each and everyday but the crucial thing is that I am coping because I'm not so tired. I get a night's sleep. I haven't got as much cleaning. I'm not at his continual beck and call. My visits are reasonably relaxing. I sit and watch TV with him for a couple of hours, something I'd never have done before. He's in his own "bubble". Nothing we do changes that. For me, not having any children, it's just him and me. Unfortunately , he's the one in this awful position. What would he do if the roles were reversed?? Just take a deep breath and do it. Find a CH. Have a large glass of wine and take each day as it comes. Xx
     
  10. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    Hi Tuffydawn:

    No need to feel guilty. You have done your utmost. At times it takes more strength to ask for help than to go on struggling. I know it is hard and you seem to have gone through many hard times and heartache. You have struggled long enough, it's time to let the professionals takeover, let them do the job they were trained to do & heal yourself. Glad you have found your inner strength
    to reach out & ask for the help you need not only for your OH but for yourself a well.

    Many hugs & Take Care.
     
  11. professor

    professor Registered User

    Sep 3, 2014
    4
    Guilt is the curse of the carer, particularly if married. However each of us has just so much capacity to care, also that care is dependent upon our individual personalities and the support that the care gets themselves from the community. Here I speak as a carer whose wife has been developing dementia for over ten years. I have the dilemma of many carers, "Are the decisions that I am making for her or me?" Like you I have been in a state of near mental and physical collapse, so I can say with understanding, "Make decisions that allow you to continue with life. You are no less important than the person you care for, therefore your well-being must be as equally considered as that of your partner." Guilt is the outcome of the frustration that follows when one cares about others and can do no more to help in their suffering..
     

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