Dear Nan
I found it distressing to read your blog just now and Lord only knows how you must feel having lived through it.
I feel I too have tried to battle to get the most basic care for my mother and know how exhausting it is. But you have had this going on for so long now that I don't know how you haven't reached this point long before. I am really sorry about it all. It seems to me that if I had been you, the trigger would have been the nurse saying, "Take your hands off me".
That just seems an over reaction to you placing your hand on her elbow. Inexcusable.
Personally, if it was me, I would put my energy into feeling better myself rather than making a complaint at this stage. Firstly, you need all your energy for Brian and making a complaint takes a lot of emotional energy that I don't think you can spare at the moment. Secondly, I have complained in the past and found things got no better at all. I got a letter from the hospital that was totally bland, and said they believed Mum's care was excellent, and they hoped on reflection I'd agree.
I felt it was a total waste of time and only got me looked upon as a trouble maker. Since then Mum has moved 150 miles away and has better care in hospital.
I read something yesterday about a counsellor saying in her experience the most traumatised people she has ever dealt with have been carers of people with dementia.
So it really comes as no surprise to anyone on TP I am sure that you are so exhausted.
Please see your GP and I only hope s/he is sympathetic and looks after you as you so richly deserve after all the care you have lavished on Brian.
Sadly Nan, I think these words I read this morning in a book by Jackie Kay are true, (she has taken her mother to hospital with a nose bleed. Her mum is deaf but otherwise in good health): "
The doctor doesn't seem to be seeing a human being. He sees her age and translates her into a second class citizen. I'm filled with a terrible rage and my mum is all vulnerable." Later, she mentions that an orderly asks her if she is taking "the old biddy" back to her care home. She says "
I want to shake the orderly and make her disorderly".
You're not alone in your fight Nan - I only wish you could get some practical support and I wish I could come over and give you a proper hug and make you a meal.
Love and hugs xx,