Reached rock bottom

Nan2seven

Registered User
Apr 11, 2009
2,525
0
Dorset
I think I have reached rock bottom.
I think perhaps I need some counselling.
All of you here have been wonderfully supportive, but after what happened at the hospital yesterday (see "Hospital Blog" for 25th March) I think perhaps I need more than "virtual" friends.
I cannot stop crying this morning.
I have been awake since 5 a.m.
I cannot pick up the 'phone.
I can still type - hence this post.

Nan XXX
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Nan sweetie, get yourself to the doctor pdq.

I haven't read your blog yet, but you sound desperate, and you need some help.

You are important, and you've been through so much. Just off to read the blog.


Love and a huge hug,
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,992
0
UK
I read your blog when you posted it last night. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of what really happened as no one should be left like that.

Can you contact PALS and ask them to help you?

Loads of support from me.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Nan, I've just read your blog, and I'm not surprised you're upset. Please get help for yourself, you can't go on like this.

Love and another hug,
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
Just read your Blog Nan. No wonder you feel as you do. I agree with Onlyme. I think you should take this all further. Wishing you strength to deal with the rest of today. xx
 

Margaret79

Registered User
May 11, 2010
2,077
0
Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Sending you lots of love and hugs Nan, also strength for this awful time that you're having. The others are right, time for you to get some help for you. Off to the GP as soon as you can.

You are in my thoughts XXX
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,809
0
Surrey
Dear Nan, I have read your blog. You are dealing with so much and I understand your frustrations a little. I am sure counselling would give you insight and help on handling the situation so you are not brought down as well. Hugs xx
 

chucky

Registered User
Feb 17, 2011
968
0
UK
Nan so sorry to hear that. You are totally within your rights to make a formal complaint even just to make them aware that in no way were you aggressive or threatening. You are stressed to the max and i think youre right when you say you need more help, get it as quickly as you can and dont be afraid to let out everything you are feeling. Counselling may help too, i have experience of this (suffered breakdown caring for dad) and i found it very helpful. You are exhausted and emotionally drained get to the DR and tell him/her you HAVE reached rock bottom and you WANT help now. Warmest wishes x
 

sallyc

Registered User
Aug 20, 2008
1,674
0
47
suffolk
Oh Nan.

Poor you, and Brian. You're definitely not over-reacting, and I really hope you find him in better shape today when you visit.

I hope you can get the support you need, and quickly.

For now, I'm not sure I can offer much more than a ((((hug)))).
I'll be thinking of you today, wishing you strength, and will look out for your update later.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
0
The Sweet North
Nan, you must be very tired, mentally and physically, and that nurse's lack of observation and compassion towards you both will have hit you all the harder for your tiredness.
You must try to give yourself some rest, or you could break down.
You and Brian are in my thoughts and prayers,
sleepless x
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Nan,

You recognise where you are and how you are feeling and that is a good sign. The Hospice offer counselling and it is free of charge and for as long as you need it. My counsellor is excellent. They would be able to offer it quickly and so I would suggest that you contact them today if you can.

Love
 

Bastan

Registered User
Feb 10, 2011
483
0
Manchester
Oh Nan, Please please pick up the phone, you need to talk to somebody. I have found in my darkest moments I have even turned to the Samaritans. They will listen, and they will hear.

How much are we meant to endure, when will our loved ones get the care and respect they deserve. No answers I'm afraid. But loads of understanding, if only I could make you feel better.

Make the complaint Nan, it is something you need to do, for Brian and for you.

Love and empathy
Bastan. xxx
 

scared daughter

Account Closed
May 3, 2010
587
0
Hi Nan, I haven't read your blof yet, but am going to look for it, please reach out for support - you sound like you could really do with it ((((hugs)))

You are not on your own int his and you don't have to feel you are, everyone here is with you and that phone might feel a wee bit lighter now so you can pick it up.

Lets us know how you are doing, sending you masses of love and support xxx
 

sussexsue

Registered User
Jun 10, 2009
1,527
0
West Sussex
Hi Nan

I have just read your blog and no one should have to go through what you and Brian are going through.

Yes, you need professional help as you cannot possibly carry on like this. It will not only help you but will help Brian as well.

Hope you can get something sorted out quickly.

(((hug)))

Sue
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Dear Nan.
Im worried about you you need to talk to some one TODAY , you had an awful shock yesterday when you were already at a low ebb .
Trouble is being the weekend your gp may not be open.

Nan please dont take the this the wrong way , phone the Samaritans today ,you need a person to talk to a person who listens , they are very good at that , im not sure when their lines are open .will have a look in a mo and post here .

Nan when I read your blog about 25 march my heart was up in my mouth ,to say the least .
I seeing Brian like that ... of course your very very upset and have every right to be dammed angry ,

You need some one to help you fight for Brian and you , if you havent already done so phone your family .

God bless you Nan
 

Contrary Mary

Registered User
Jun 11, 2010
1,895
0
69
Greater London
Hello Nan

I have just logged on and caught up with your news. I am so sorry to read about yesterday at the hospital. Not good for Brian and not good for you either. Like you, I instinctively gently touch, especially when distressed, and I would have found such a reaction extremely distressing.

I think it all confirms that you are running on empty now, Nan, and whilst your desire to make sure that Brian is getting the possible care means that you are still trying to do a lot of physical caring, I agree that it is now time to think of you. These things often seem to blow up on a Friday, and the weekend may seem endless, but perhaps a visit to your GP first thing Monday would be wise. I don't know what you have locally, there don't seem to be Admiral Nurses around your way. I had often wondered quite what they do, but, not having anyone else to talk to when a crisis arose, it was an immense relief to feel I had someone on my side.

Take care, Nan, sending much love
Mary
x
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Nan
Have sent you a Pm with the Samaritans number and there email
They are open 24/7.

Am not sure if am allowed to put it on here could a mod advise , as im not sure Nan will read her pm's

Nan do see your gp first thing monday xxxx
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
Dear Nan

I found it distressing to read your blog just now and Lord only knows how you must feel having lived through it. :eek: I feel I too have tried to battle to get the most basic care for my mother and know how exhausting it is. But you have had this going on for so long now that I don't know how you haven't reached this point long before. I am really sorry about it all. It seems to me that if I had been you, the trigger would have been the nurse saying, "Take your hands off me".:eek: That just seems an over reaction to you placing your hand on her elbow. Inexcusable. :mad:

Personally, if it was me, I would put my energy into feeling better myself rather than making a complaint at this stage. Firstly, you need all your energy for Brian and making a complaint takes a lot of emotional energy that I don't think you can spare at the moment. Secondly, I have complained in the past and found things got no better at all. I got a letter from the hospital that was totally bland, and said they believed Mum's care was excellent, and they hoped on reflection I'd agree. :rolleyes: I felt it was a total waste of time and only got me looked upon as a trouble maker. Since then Mum has moved 150 miles away and has better care in hospital. :)

I read something yesterday about a counsellor saying in her experience the most traumatised people she has ever dealt with have been carers of people with dementia. :( So it really comes as no surprise to anyone on TP I am sure that you are so exhausted.

Please see your GP and I only hope s/he is sympathetic and looks after you as you so richly deserve after all the care you have lavished on Brian. :)

Sadly Nan, I think these words I read this morning in a book by Jackie Kay are true, (she has taken her mother to hospital with a nose bleed. Her mum is deaf but otherwise in good health): "The doctor doesn't seem to be seeing a human being. He sees her age and translates her into a second class citizen. I'm filled with a terrible rage and my mum is all vulnerable." Later, she mentions that an orderly asks her if she is taking "the old biddy" back to her care home. She says "I want to shake the orderly and make her disorderly". :eek:

You're not alone in your fight Nan - I only wish you could get some practical support and I wish I could come over and give you a proper hug and make you a meal. :)

Love and hugs xx,:)
 

florence43

Registered User
Jul 1, 2009
1,484
0
London
Dear Nan,

You have tremendous strength to have got this far, and it's not a weakness to say how that's affected you. What you and Brian are dealing with is unbelievable. I think speak to the Samaritans today, build up some more energy, and have a moment to yourself before going back and taking the bull by the horns.

You are an amazing woman and amazing wife. If the hospital staff don't respect that, and don't understand your concerns then it must be taken further. Brian deserves better, because with you, he's used to having the best care.

Do take care of yourself, Nan. There are a lot of worried people here who are willing you to feel better soon! I'm personally sending you the biggest bear hug & I hope it helps a little... xxx

Sending lots of love and support,
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,486
0
East Coast of Australia
support of TP

Nan, I used to be a counsellor on Lifeline, the equivalent of your Samaritans. The counsellors have infinite time to listen so you would be able to get it all out, to voice the pain and heart ache and frustration in whatever words you can. Please ring them if you do not have close family you can voice your concerns to.

I too was gobsmacked by the nurse's reaction. What a lack of compassion for yourself and your husband all concerned seem to have shown. Surely their dementia care training is lacking if they cannot deal with his problems somewhere in the system? And show you some compassion and TLC?

I know you get a lot of support here, I hope it helps. I wish my (((hugs))) could be personal, not virtual.

Sue.