Re: My life is falling apart

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Skipper, Jan 5, 2006.

  1. Skipper

    Skipper Registered User

    Jan 5, 2006
    My life seems to be falling apart and I do not know how to deal with it. My Father fell over the weekend,he is 97 and was taken to hospital as he laid on the floor all night and my Mum wouldn't let him call anyone.When I arrived he was on the floor and really cold. The OT girl arrived and was excellent.My sister arrived shortly afterwards.My sister stayed with my Mum that night and the next day the GP and CPN came and they managed to get Mum into a local nursing home.We went to visit yesterday and it was terrible she was crying and crying and she really has turned against me.She is saying a lot of strange things and she says she will never forgive us if anything happens to my Dad. We visited him last night and he is really shaking and upset. What do we do?I have two sons aged 10 and 13 and they are very upset too.
    The lady at the nursing advised not to come to see Mum today and let her settle a little.All this is supposed to be for a couple of weeks but what will the future be?
    I just don't know what to do as we have always done everything for our Parents.
  2. inmyname

    inmyname Guest

    Excuse me

    Your Father lay on the floor all night after falling and your Mother would not let him call anyone !!!!!!

    and now your Mother blames you ! maybe your Mother is like mine at 89 and has quite suddenly gone over the edge into dementia or maybe she blames hereself for your Fathers state or maybe she did not want him revived by extraordinary means .

    Can very well appreciate your distress and i would guess theres more facts here than we know or even you are aware of

    It seems that both your parents are very very elderly indeed and at some point we all have to accept they are frail/ailing

    I am sure if your children are like my Grandchildren (same ages) they will already be aware of their Grandparents frail health

    Certainly mine had no problemat Xmas saying

    "Old Granny is very confused"
  3. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Nr Mold
    Wish I had the words

    Hello Skipper

    I really wish I had the right words to help you. I have never been in a situation such as you describe but my heart goes out to you.

    I know there are lots of people on here more able than I to help, but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you .

  4. Skipper

    Skipper Registered User

    Jan 5, 2006
    Thank you for all the kind words and advice.I cannot express myself properly at present,but I feel that there are at least people that understand.
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Hi Skipper, you have come to the right place for understanding. We, in our normal world, can work out the right things to do, and apportion blame, if indeed there is any.

    Dementia sufferers, and sometimes too the very elderly, cannot do this. You just have to address each situation as it comes. No blame, no guilt, just do your very best. Take care of yourself, you have to be the strong one now, Connie
  6. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    Hi Skipper,

    I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I'm sure that you probably realise that there would be no way your Mum would have left your father for so long if she comprehended the consequences of her actions, nor would she be saying hurtful things to you if she realised what she was saying, nevertheless, I know that it still hurts.

    That's good advice from Nada and Connie. I would take some time and let your Mum settle, as the home suggested, and you can start to look at the options for your parent's continuing care.

    Best wishes,
  7. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Skipper

    I do feel for you all.

    Your Mum is not well and I am sure would never have caused your Dad such distress and you to be hurt by her words on purpose. It is the disease talking, not your Mum.

    I am lucky to have a close family who pull together to look after each other as yours seems to. We went through a similar situation when my Dad was taken ill, we found Mum a place in a care home so we could concentrate on Dad. Mum was not too settled for a few days, but then settled, so much so that she is still in a home over a year later.

    You need time to concentrate on your Dad and help him to recover from his ordeal. Your Mum will, hopefully settle in the home very soon, at least you know she is safe and warm for the moment.

    I sincerely hope everything turns out well for you all.

  8. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    Hi Skipper,

    You are not alone here! The helpline is a great place to start as Nada suggested, very helpful and informative. You can also get a great deal of advice and help here and from the main alzheimers site. The full list of factsheets:

    These, along with talking point have helped me through some pretty slippery times with alzheimers.

    Take care

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