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Rapid deterioration

Andy69

Registered User
Feb 21, 2021
23
0
Guildford
I did that yesterday, and was assured that they were meeting his needs. They are looking at it as an achievement that they get him to eat all his food, and to be fair one day when I went he was crying out for something to eat. They say that the only way he would get better care is one to one at home. He is so frail, and his room is at the end of a long corridor, so he doesn't get carers passing, they only go when it is for a specific reason. He is totally dependent on them, and it must be so frightening for him constantly not knowing where he is, and not being able to move. When he was shouting where am I today, I told him that he was poorly, and that he was in a nursing home where he was safe and they were looking after him. He shouted 'You've put me in a bloody nursing home! I don't go in a nursing home'. If anyone he knew had to go in a home, he always said they've 'shoved' him in a home, and it was always looked upon as a wicked thing to do.
Hi there.I must join this conversation as i have just lost my dad only last week from Covid in December to speeding up his dementia. What i have learnt in 2 months is invaluable.
So sorry you are having this dreadful time.
Regards
Andy.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
444
0
I did that yesterday, and was assured that they were meeting his needs. They are looking at it as an achievement that they get him to eat all his food, and to be fair one day when I went he was crying out for something to eat. They say that the only way he would get better care is one to one at home. He is so frail, and his room is at the end of a long corridor, so he doesn't get carers passing, they only go when it is for a specific reason. He is totally dependent on them, and it must be so frightening for him constantly not knowing where he is, and not being able to move. When he was shouting where am I today, I told him that he was poorly, and that he was in a nursing home where he was safe and they were looking after him. He shouted 'You've put me in a bloody nursing home! I don't go in a nursing home'. If anyone he knew had to go in a home, he always said they've 'shoved' him in a home, and it was always looked upon as a wicked thing to do.
I did that yesterday, and was assured that they were meeting his needs. They are looking at it as an achievement that they get him to eat all his food, and to be fair one day when I went he was crying out for something to eat. They say that the only way he would get better care is one to one at home. He is so frail, and his room is at the end of a long corridor, so he doesn't get carers passing, they only go when it is for a specific reason. He is totally dependent on them, and it must be so frightening for him constantly not knowing where he is, and not being able to move. When he was shouting where am I today, I told him that he was poorly, and that he was in a nursing home where he was safe and they were looking after him. He shouted 'You've put me in a bloody nursing home! I don't go in a nursing home'. If anyone he knew had to go in a home, he always said they've 'shoved' him in a home, and it was always looked upon as a wicked thing to do.
@ crazy one sorry this sounds awful
Has a dr checked your dad out
What about the pressure sores that doesn’t sound right is it neglect? id be tempted to call a ambulance he might be in pain and not receiving the correct medication
Sorry if it was me id be kicking off if i thought my dad was on pain
Ive not much experience of care homes but hugs x
 

crazyone

Registered User
Dec 14, 2017
53
0
@ crazy one sorry this sounds awful
Has a dr checked your dad out
What about the pressure sores that doesn’t sound right is it neglect? id be tempted to call a ambulance he might be in pain and not receiving the correct medication
Sorry if it was me id be kicking off if i thought my dad was on pain
Ive not much experience of care homes but hugs x
Sorry for the late reply. The district nurse is treating the sore, and says it is healing well. I spend 2 1/2 to 3 hours with him daily, and he is now eating and drinking more, but his memory is really bad. I no sooner finish telling him where he is (avoiding the words care home), than he says again 'I have no idea who I am, or where I am'. He can remember is his old address, repeating it over and over, and is distressed that he is not there in familiar surroundings, even though he has been in the care home for over a year.
 

None the Wiser

Registered User
Feb 3, 2020
213
0
Hello @crazyone, I’ve just read all the posts in this thread. I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a distressing time. There are lots of helpful wise words here and I’ve very little of value to add.
My husband is still at home (just). we have lived in the same house for 30yrs, but he frequently asks to go home. He will also say that he doesn’t know who he is or where he is. The agitation can be very difficult to watch, but it seems to go in waves.
im glad to hear that your dad is beginning to eat and drink more. It sounds as if he’s been fighting off the infection. It’s good To hear that you’re able to spend a good length of time with him daily.
I really do understand your agony and worry, but you’ve done, and are doing, all that you can for your dad. It is so very hard to hand over and trust in others.
Please take care of yourself. Wishing you courage and strength.
 

crazyone

Registered User
Dec 14, 2017
53
0
Thanks for your kind words @None the Wiser. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. It's such a cruel disease. Dad is fully aware that he can't remember anything, which makes it worse in a way as he gets upset and frightened. I reassure him over and over that he is safe, and loved, and sometimes say that he is just having a bad day, and that he may feel better tomorrow. Unfortunately as soon as I've said it, he has forgotten, and starts again. My thoughts are with you and your husband
 

Skippyboy

New member
Apr 14, 2021
4
0
I was at my wits end when I read your letter. It almost seemed like the letter was written by me..all or almost all my problems are here. The high turnover and shortage of staff..new untrained staff...my husband has only been in the home for six months but has lost so much weight..he in unrecognisable. There is total black out on information from the home, certain people are privileged..saw three times some visitors allowed garden visits..I was allowed only one in seven months, A carer stands guard to see what we are talking about..letters..emails...all are ignored. All I am told is..its the rule...or evasion, There are several very serious issues I want clarified..my husband is a very quiet sort..give him some writing material and he sits in his room all day,..only emerging for coke..he used to love it..and biscuits..despite mails..personal requests...they wont allow him to eat in front of us..wont tell me whether he is living on soup...they take the chocolates away..my husband begs for them,,begs for coke..their draconian inhumane rule is no..we will give it later. I feel your pain..I share your pain..I too feel guilt ridden..sane problem on a bus ride..his turn never comes...with you all the way...
 

Skippyboy

New member
Apr 14, 2021
4
0
@ crazy one sorry this sounds awful
Has a dr checked your dad out
What about the pressure sores that doesn’t sound right is it neglect? id be tempted to call a ambulance he might be in pain and not receiving the correct medication
Sorry if it was me id be kicking off if i thought my dad was on pain
Ive not much experience of care homes but hugs x
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,219
0
Yorkshire
hello @Skippyboy
a warm welcome to DTP
I hope, with restrictions lifting, you will be able to have meaningful visits with your husband and discussions with the staff to set your mind at rest and be able to air your concerns
now you've joined us, do keep posting with whatever is on your mind
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
444
0
I was at my wits end when I read your letter. It almost seemed like the letter was written by me..all or almost all my problems are here. The high turnover and shortage of staff..new untrained staff...my husband has only been in the home for six months but has lost so much weight..he in unrecognisable. There is total black out on information from the home, certain people are privileged..saw three times some visitors allowed garden visits..I was allowed only one in seven months, A carer stands guard to see what we are talking about..letters..emails...all are ignored. All I am told is..its the rule...or evasion, There are several very serious issues I want clarified..my husband is a very quiet sort..give him some writing material and he sits in his room all day,..only emerging for coke..he used to love it..and biscuits..despite mails..personal requests...they wont allow him to eat in front of us..wont tell me whether he is living on soup...they take the chocolates away..my husband begs for them,,begs for coke..their draconian inhumane rule is no..we will give it later. I feel your pain..I share your pain..I too feel guilt ridden..sane problem on a bus ride..his turn never comes...with you all the way...
Can you not spk to the manager raise it as safeguarding if they keep ignoring you email directly the manager and tell them your trying to find out information and support for your husband and everything is getting ignored
Is there anyway they have a complaint prcudure
What about going through social services
Or head office of home
Ask why you not allowed to give drinks /why are your visiting being g monitored are tgey worried your going hug your husband?
 

MrsV

Registered User
Apr 16, 2018
219
0
Northamptonshire
Can you not spk to the manager raise it as safeguarding if they keep ignoring you email directly the manager and tell them your trying to find out information and support for your husband and everything is getting ignored
Is there anyway they have a complaint prcudure
What about going through social services
Or head office of home
Ask why you not allowed to give drinks /why are your visiting being g monitored are tgey worried your going hug your husband?

Hi Deepetshopboy,
Reading your comments about when you were allowed a garden visit last year. We had the same strange feeling when visiting Mum in the CH garden. The carer never left us alone, sat next to Mum holding her hand, we also thought she was keeping guard, monitoring the conversation. We took cake for Mum, her favorite, Mum grabbed it right away, and the carer took it off her, we said let her have some now with her cuppa. But no, she took it away, said she can have it later!. We were not impressed about that, Mums eyes lit up when she saw her favorite cake. Even though Mums clothes were all labelled when we took them in, Mum is often dressed in other peoples ill fitting clothing.

If you are overly concerned contact CQC annonymously with your concerns. We didnt need to someone else contacted CQC, the family of another resident apparently, they raised similar concerns. Not long after that there was a change of staff.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
444
0
Hi Deepetshopboy,
Reading your comments about when you were allowed a garden visit last year. We had the same strange feeling when visiting Mum in the CH garden. The carer never left us alone, sat next to Mum holding her hand, we also thought she was keeping guard, monitoring the conversation. We took cake for Mum, her favorite, Mum grabbed it right away, and the carer took it off her, we said let her have some now with her cuppa. But no, she took it away, said she can have it later!. We were not impressed about that, Mums eyes lit up when she saw her favorite cake. Even though Mums clothes were all labelled when we took them in, Mum is often dressed in other peoples ill fitting clothing.

If you are overly concerned contact CQC annonymously with your concerns. We didnt need to someone else contacted CQC, the family of another resident apparently, they raised similar concerns. Not long after that there was a change of staff.
Hi @MrsV its not me i was just replying back my relatives not in care home .yet
 

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