1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Quite worried and yes, annoyed.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Rob_E, Nov 15, 2015.

  1. Rob_E

    Rob_E Registered User

    Feb 1, 2015
    150
    Male
    Liverpool
    Hi, this is my second post to talking point.

    Sorry this is a long post, I guess I just needed to vent out!

    Mum was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment (MCI) last December. In many ways 2015 has been a terrible year, first she needed an unrelated but major operation meaning visits to hospital and supervision, she can't make any consultations alone as she would first not be able to find her way there and even if she did would then not remember anything from it. When it came to day of the operation I had to be with mum all morning to ensure she didn't eat anything, she was insistent that she must eat or she would feel terrible and couldn't understand why it was dangerous!

    Not long after this a relationship I was in came to an end when my partner announced they were seeing someone else (I knew there was something going on as you do). We had so much in common and even though I accept its over and that they have treated me unfairly, used me and lied to me, I still miss their company so much even now. I have been a long term sufferer of anxiety and have been off work for months now as a result of these recent events.

    A couple of months ago I had to admit to myself that I was finding it too much coping with mum and had a meeting with my brother and sister where I said I needed more help. For the most part I needed them to be more involved with mum so that I could have some much needed respite time. They have started to make a real effort to be more involved, my brother helps with medical appointments and takes her out at the weekend. My sister lives 100 miles away but has been visiting more and this weekend took her back to stay with her. Things seemed to be improving and with the help of a therapist I felt I was getting back to normal. However, I have noticed a decline in Mums condition. She is finding it more and more difficult to do things, I pretty much do all the house work and cooking now, she can still cook but its always either casserole or bacon and egg sandwich. She is becoming more disorientated, she will pick something up to do something, put it down, not be able to find it and accuses me of moving it. She is becoming more frustrated with herself as earlier this week she lost it, throwing the kitchen bin against the wall as it would not co-operate. We've all had this when something is being difficult but this was more than this. Then at my sisters this weekend she had a very bad night last night, very disorientated and could not find the bathroom, (it's a very small flat) up and down all night saying she wanted to come home and in tears which was very distressing for both mum and my sister and her partner. Understandably my sister is reluctant to have her stay over again. Mum now remembers nothing of last night.

    I know it may seem terrible but I feel really annoyed and disappointed about what has happened. This weekend has been an invaluable break for me, I had a friend stay over and was able to sort out a lot of house things that are not easy when mum is there! It now appears being away from home is too stressful for her. I now think that she needs more tests as things have moved on from the MCI diagnosis. Its worrying as her mother developed Alzheimers and its all looking horribly familiar, I plan to speak to her memory nurse as soon as I can.
     
  2. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,111
    See your GP, both for Mother and yourself.
    You need to know whats, what with mother, then you will be able to ask for carers assessment, to get correct and useful help. (and support for yourself)

    Bod
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,496
    Female
    London
    Have you ever thought of involving social services? They are actually the ones with legal duty of care for a vulnerable adult at risk. You should ask for a needs assessment for her and a carers assessment for herself. You have a legal right to that. Tell them all your concerns and see what support they can give. Think about day care centre, sitting service and respite for you.

    Your Mum couldn't find the bathroom as it wasn't where she expected it to be. That is normal for someone with dementia, and while the same might happen in a respite home, there is staff all night who could help her, giving you some proper time off.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    So agree with what has been said. you will also be able to claim attendance allowance, probably higher rate as she doesn't settle at night and needs someone with her (be sure to tell them about the very WORST DAY and remember when filling in the form that this is not about the care you get but the care you need. This will help with costs you can get the forms by googling them. I advise you to join your local carers organisation explain you suffer from anxiety and ask for help with filling in the forms.

    Your local carers organisation will probably have a carers cafe - these are worth their weight in gold - you can pop along, have a coffee and meet other carers and get all the info on what is good and what is awful locally.

    Social services duty desk adult care services will arrange a carers assessment.

    When you start to get these things the pressure will come off you a bit.
    Also worth reading the alsheimer's society compassionate communication - it is a great way of coping
    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...-with-the-Memory-Impaired&p=413710#post413710
     
  5. Rob_E

    Rob_E Registered User

    Feb 1, 2015
    150
    Male
    Liverpool
    Thank you for your responses, there is some good and useful advice in this thread. Many of the problems I have been experiencing are not new, its just taken us time to admit that there are these problems and using that awful word - 'Dementia' to describe mums condition has itself been a big step as I'm sure many will understand. There was also a family disagreement today which hasn't helped the situation and as the oldest sibling it falls to me to sort it out.
     
  6. Rob_E

    Rob_E Registered User

    Feb 1, 2015
    150
    Male
    Liverpool
    Turns out when I called mums nurse that she has been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's which is news to me, though not really so surprising. The last diagnosis was MCI, I was a bit shocked and didn't ask how and when this diagnosis had been made without me knowing. The nurse did visit in the summer at a time I was at work. I had arranged to be there, but she turned up earlier than expected.
     

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