Hi Debs Glad if I have been of small help. It is good for me also to find someone whose situation is so similar to mine. My husband also has Alzheimers which was diagnosed about 3 years ago. He also has lymphoma which started with a tumour on the spine about 12 years ago and separate tumours on each eye. The brain scan to look at his eye was what revealed his Alzheimers. I remember as the consultant started to tell me I was thinking - please let it be a brain tumour (as that can be cured) but not being surprised at the Alzheimer's. It is difficult to say when I first noticed - it was so gradual - 2-3 years or so before the diagnosis 3 yrs ago. Like you I initially felt annoyed with him - he became grumpy and set in his ways and I told him he was becoming an old man. Now he is so good natured and has gone back to his easygoing self - whether that is the Alzheimers or the Memantine I don't know. I had a theory that people become more like themselves ie if quick tempered to start with they may be more so but your case suggests otherwise so perhaps it is the Memantine. see - I've already learned something from you - so thankyou!
I am 72 and he is 74 so we were both more or less retired - he insisted on working full time in our business - we brought his son into the business and that was very difficult when he refused to retire so we had to push him into it. Being retired meant that at least we have our pensions sorted and are lucky enough to not have to worry about finances whereas with you both working at present that may be an added worry.
None of us know if we are strong enough but really we have no choice - I did allow myself a slight running away fantasy but knew that would not make me happy and there was no way I could do it. I think things will settle down a bit - I tell myself it is a project and I will deal with each problem as it arises. I think I said before I worried for months / years? about how he would cope with giving up work and later driving but when the time came it wasn't as bad as I expected. I know there are massive issues ahead but I can't deal with those until they arise.
I also tell myself:
I have a ready made excuse for getting out of things or leaving early when I've had enough.
I have a happy contented husband who never criticises me and every meal I make him is 'very tasty'. Some of my friends have husbands that seem much more trouble.
I can choose everything I buy for the house and our new car without having to agree it with anyone - the downside is I have no-one to discuss it with of course.
I have someone who asks me every morning if I slept well and each night tells me he hopes I get a good sleep.-
I am finding how kind and helpful people are when you share your situation.
Maybe I'll tell you about the things that really annoy me one day but today I'm hoping to lift you. Of course I could tell you my husband's joke that he tells to all and sundry but I'll spare you that.
More seriously it might be helpful to try and break down your worries and write them down - then look at what you need to deal with now. Dealing with one or two practical things might help you to feel that you can cope.
Power of Attorney is the first step if you haven't already got it - I was lucky that after my mother's dementia I arranged ours early. It is not difficult to do on line.
I think you would also benefit from talking to Dementia support who are used to dealing with the shock and fear stage and will be better able to advise you than me.
I can't decide if it is good to read this forum or not but maybe keep away from the late stage stuff at the moment - you don't need to worry about that until it happens and you have a life to live before then.
I'll keep an eye on your posts and if you have any questions that I can help with I would be more than happy to try and help. I am also more confident than you are at the moment that you can do this.
Hugs and best wishes to you both - if you don't mind me hugging your husband!
omg thank you so much, i have already sent power of attorney off and seperated our savings and we have a busy day today.
we have the dementia nurse coming this morning to discuss the diagnosis in more detail and this afternoon we have a financial advisor coming to help with other finances mainly our house.
i know i say i wont cope but i am sure i will, once the scare factor has subsided i am sure i will be ok and do what i need to do as and when it is needed.
i am a worrier and know i need to take things one day at a time and enjoy my husband while he is able to enjoy things.
we went to our sons yesterday , i had a lovely time with our 2 grandaughters (18 months and 4 week old) my hubby spent most of the time sat at the dining table asleep, didnt join in the conversation or interact with the girls.
when we got home he was happy and dancing about.
the day before our 2 gransons was at our house and he was interacting with them so i am thinking he is more comfortable at home at the moment. but i have read that socialising is a good thing so i will continue to nicely force him to visit our sons with me haha.
i really dont mind you telling me the things that annoy you, i am a good listener
sending hugs and best wishes back and thank you so much once again x