Hi
@annielou
You say your Mum was lonely and a bit depressed, but you don’t think this could have been a possible cause? Was your Mum on any medication?
I’m also interested in the symptoms were noticed after the cataracts. Did she have any operations?
Normal ageing, is one of those things they will say has no real bearing on dementia symptoms, but we all know they do, in part that is.
Stay safe and keep well!
Richard
Short answers
Mum said for a long time that anything she forgot or mixed up was because she was old and lonely and when first diagnosed she would say that is reason she got dementia. She did spend a lot of time on her own and was quite lonely and did used to get quite down about it. She wasn't on any medication
It was after she went for eye appointment but before any actual operations for her catarracts that I realised memory not what was.
For a bit before that she would, like lot of people, forget names or other things sometimes and used to constantly say I'm 70 you know as an explanation. We thought yes and she doesn't do a lot with other people or need to remember things as much so probably just normal and nothing to worry about.
Long answers if have hours to spare
Mum lived on her own (still does) and didn't see many people, about 5 years ago she fell out with my aunt who lived on same row who she saw a lot of and then over time she also drifted a bit from her other friend she used to see regularly from where she had lived previously and by 2017 wasn't seeing her much at all. I saw mum one day in week, usually on Wednesday, we'd either meet in town about 12 o'clock or I'd go to her house or she'd come to mine and then hubby would come home from work about 6, we'd all have dinner together and then around half seven we'd either take mum home or we'd go home from mums. We also saw her similar amount of time on Saturdays and Sundays. I rang her every day at 5 for between 1/2 and 1 hour and after she'd stopped seeing my aunt I'd started ringing her on a morning about 11 too. She would often say she was bored and lonely and wished she had a friend to do things with. As the last couple of years went on mum would call me during the day and in evening wanting someone to talk to as she was bored and asking me to go over on days I didn't normally. It got to around 20 plus calls a day besides the twice I rang her and by end of last summer I was going over for part of every day. Then as her confusion and anxiety got really bad I lived with her for 3 months and now go over every day for about 8/9 hours apart from 2 afternoons a week when carers come.
Towards end of 2016 she got new glasses but not long after she kept complaining about them saying they were annoying her and didn't seem right and she wanted her eyes retesting. She had worked for a glasses making company a few years before and knew that modern places like where she went made them on machines and sometimes got them wrong and kept saying hers were but she wouldn't make an appointment to go back. During 2017 I tried lots of times to make her appointment to go back for a retest. Sometimes she'd say we'll go in opticians while we're in town next Wednesday but then she would change her mind. A couple of times I made appointment online for her while we were at my house but then once on day before and once on day of appointment she changed her mind and I had to cancel. We eventually went late october 2017 after she kept saying things looked wobbly and blobby and she couldn't read writing on tv properly. Thats when they referred her to hospital as they saw dark spots on her eye. She was diagnosed at hospital with full macular hole in left, part macular hole in right and catarracts in both eyes. She didn't want macular hole op on left eye as would have to go to city hospital a bit away and said she didn't like it there but agreed to have catarracts done which she did in 2018. It was while going back to hospital for appointments I noticed she was struggling to remember what had been said, when appointments were, why we were there and forgetting about how eye felt when she looked out of it. When she had catarracts done she needed reminding what to do when bathing and putting drops in, first one she wasn't too bad but by 2nd a few month later she had more or less completely forgot procedure and what to do and was quite grumpy about it.
Mum used to go stay at my sisters for a week or two a few times a year, on a few occassions during 2017 mum would say she wanted to go stay at my sisters as she was bored and lonely and fancied a change of scene but then when sis and I would talk about dates to take her and fetch her back she'd change her mind and actually went less that year than previous years. She stayed for 2 weeks in the summer with teenage nephews while sis was on cruise. She wasn't well while there and a few times when I rang her she would tell me something then next time I rang tell me something different, I put it down to her not being well at time. Afterwards mum said kids were getting older now and didn't need her looking after then and she felt like two weeks were too long up there on her own. Sis said yes they could probably mange alone now so if mum preferred to just go up when sis was there she could just do that in future which mum said she did. Hubby I and mum were going up for weekend later that year and mum said she didn't want to go as journey too long, She did go next time we went for a weekend near end of year and in spring 2018 when my niece had her baby we all went again but not long after that mum said she wasn't going anymore. She said my sister had told her the kids said they didn't want nannan to go anymore which wasn't true. Who said and exactly what was said changed a few times over coming year but the basic reason was Mum said sis and kids didn't want her there. No matter what sis or I said she wouldn't go, not even with us, she hasn't been since and neither have we. My sister now has to come down to stay here.
Mum used to catch buses to my house on her own some wednesdays , in the summer of 2017 we had road works for a few months in village just before my house and bus driver told them one day it would be better to get off and walk if only going to top of my street as it'd be quicker than waiting in lights on bus for ages. Mum though she was closer than she was to mine I actually live near bottom of long road. Mum got off and it took about 1/4 of an hour to walk to mine and she said she felt like she was bit lost and maybe on wrong road at one point. Its just one long road from where she got off to mine and we travelled on it constantly so I wasn't sure why she hadn't know where to go and how long would take walking but she said it was cos driver made it sound like he wasn't coming down road and it threw her. She refused to come over on bus on her own after that and so after that I would either go to hers or meet her in town and we'd come to mine together. She'd always been nervous about going on buses and not knowing when to get off so I wasn't that surprised. Afterwards I did wonder about her thinking she was going wrong way and feeling bit lost being a bit odd and maybe memory related.
She would change her mind a lot too, sometimes she'd have a bit of tummy trouble and say not to go over she'd be ok on own and didn't want company and wanted to lay down and be on her own, but an hour or two later would ring and ask us to go over. Sometimes if we'd planned to go somewhere that day she'd say you and hubby go I don't want you to miss out but then later she'd ask why we didn't take her and seem surprised or annoyed we'd been without her and sometimes said we were lying and didn't want her to go. We put it down to her being a bit grumpy or wishing she'd gone but afterwards as things have progressed she did it more and more and realised she had forgot what said.
There were lots of little things we just didn't think about but as time wore on they got more and more noticeable and after eye problem in late 2017 I was thinking they were memory related and possibly some sort of dementia. It took till september 2019 before mum said I could make appointment with gp (which she later denied) we saw gp in october then memory clinic came out and we got diagnosis from memory clininc in november of alzheimers.
Hope I didn't send you to sleep with my rambling x
