Dear Suzy,
One of the hardest things to cope with in the beginning was the fact that my parents mostly didn't have a clue who I was. It hurt so much until I realised that it was just the AD talking. I've got used to that now and can laugh about it, although it makes me feel sad sometimes.
Yesterday we had relatives visiting and I made everyone afternoon tea. I heard my father tell my cousin that 'the staff do a very good job with the cooking'. That raised a huge laugh!
It's also absolutely wonderful when, quite out of the blue, my parents will ask me something and say, 'What are we doing today, JUDITH?' It gives me a real buzz to know that they are still 'in there' wherever that may be.
I also felt early on that having two parents with AD was incredibly unfortunate. It's actually been a bonus for them in a very odd way, because they seem to monitor each other. So when one is having a 'bad' day remembering things, the other one helps get them back on track, without all the anguish of realising that they are not really 'with it'.
It surely must be a terrible anxiety to see your wife/husband suffering from AD and not being able to really reach them. Also it's really sad for us, as children. My parents have been married for almost 63 years and have done everything together during their lives. It's almost as if they've made a pact to go down together too. That sounds a bit silly, but I hope you understand what I mean.
Best wishes, Jude