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Putting my mother in a care home

tomo123

Registered User
Mar 7, 2017
2
Hi , having a bad time through lockdown as no day care centre, my mother has dementia plus heart failure copd , so she can’t wander as she can’t walk , but I’ve cared for her 15yrs , she’s survived serious health issues because she lives with me . But now I can’t cope and think she needs to go into a care home , her condition is worse , memory etc she’s asleep mostly day and night , slurring her words , shouting whilst asleep visibly agitated, she’s become double incontinence, she sleeps with knives under her pillow , so I darent go into her bedroom at night unless I really make sure she’s awake , if I hide the knives she finds scissors. When I go out to the shop or exercise she doesn’t eat or drink . My husband tries to helpful but my marriage is suffering , I cared for my father as well with lung cancer until 5 yrs ago . I’m getting depressed and crying constantly , I feel I want to walk away and never come back . I have no help off social services and feel at this time with Covid 19 I don’t want to bother them unnecessarily. She has no money if her own that’s why I invited her to live with me , but don’t know where to start .
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,571
N Ireland
Hello @tomo123, you are welcome to posting here as you are among people who understand.

Your situation sounds like to much for anyone and you shouldn't feel that you can't ask for help. You mention Day Care so I wonder if you have contact with social services already. If this is the case I would contact them as soon as you can as they are there to help. If you don't have contact I would suggest asking the GP for a referral or just contacting them directly.

I'll try to find a Society Factsheet that outlines the process and post a link if I find one.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,621
Nottinghamshire
Hi @tomo123 Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

You’re right. It does sound as though your mum now needs the professional care she can get in a care home. You need to contact Social Services and tell them about her agitation and sleeping with knives and scissors under her pillow. This has now become a safeguarding issue and you should be treated as a priority.

Have you spoken to her GP to see if she can be given any medication to help with her anxiety?

You’ve done well for your mum over the years but you matter too. It’s time to get all the help you can.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,934
South coast
Oh @tomo123 , I read your post and am very concerned for you. You sound like you have reached carers burnout and your mum sleeping with knives under her pillow is a very worrying development.
I agree - you need to contact SS and tell them about the knives and how it is all affecting you and say that you cannot continue.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,447
Yorkshire
Gosh that does sound scary, if your mum has knives under her pillow and is restless, agitated and shouting in her sleep that's a dangerous combination, no wonder you daren't go in her room unless she's fully awake, please don't. This might seem like a silly idea but would your mum be able to tell the difference if you swapped her real knife for a plastic play knife, like a dressing up or play kitchen knife? Its not solving her agitation or anything else but at least if she'd accept it it would be a bit safer. Also can you put those safety drawer catches you get for toddlers on your knife drawer at home so she can't get to the real ones? I'd definately keep trying the SS and trying to get them to help you. I really hope someone helps you soon x
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,853
Scotland
My mum started hiding knives and scissors in her room several years ago, I hid all sharp knives and scissors in our house as soon as I discovered what she was doing.
 

tomo123

Registered User
Mar 7, 2017
2
Your situation sounds like to much for anyone and you shouldn't feel that you can't ask for help. You mention Day Care so I wonder if you have contact with social services already. If this is the case I would contact them as soon as you can as they are there to help. If you don't have contact I would suggest asking the GP for a referral or just contacting them directly.

I'll try to find a Society Factsheet that outlines the process and post a link if I find one.[/QUOTE]
My mum started hiding knives and scissors in her room several years ago, I hid all sharp knives and scissors in our house as soon as I discovered what she was doing.
Thankyou all for your replies it really helps to know other people are out there in the same situation, I will get in touch with SS 🤞