Putting Mum into respite care for the first time tomorrow and getting cold feet

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kittyann, Jan 18, 2015.

  1. Kittyann

    Kittyann Registered User

    Jun 19, 2013
    53
    Hi everyone. Hoping some of you who've been down this path before might have some words of advice. I'm due to put Mum into Respite care for a week starting tomorrow.

    This is the first time I've done this but it's been recommended by my GP as I've been caring for her without a break of longer than an overnight stay for nearly two years now. It seemed like a good idea but now that it's arrived I'm terrified something will happen to her like a fall or worse or she will be really distressed and I know I would never forgive myself.

    Has anybody else had these last minute jitters?. Because I'm seriously thinking of cancelling it.
     
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    Nooooo! It will do you all the good in the world. Rest and recharge your batteries and you will feel all the better for it. I put my OH into respite last July, after a Carers breakdown and it was brilliant! My break did not go as I expected it would, but the results surpassed my expectations. He is going in again, also tomorrow, and I am looking forward to the break, with quite a few plans, meet friends, meet other, exercise, etc.
    Please don't cancel and good luck!
     
  3. Kittyann

    Kittyann Registered User

    Jun 19, 2013
    53
    Thanks so much for your response Spamar. Did you find your OH settled in OK and was he ok when he came home? I've heard that respite can cause problems with the person readjusting to the home environment even if they've only been away a short time..
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    He settled in very easily. There was stimulation for him every day that I can't always provide. He is in the stage where the main carer can do no right and everybody else is wonderful! A few of them were even taken to lunch at local pub, fish and chips and half a lager. I don't think I've ever known him drink lager. In fact every alcoholic drink he's had recently has tasted 'off'. Must be his pills!
    However, he had two weeks then and it's going to be the same again.
    He was fine when he came home, much to my surprise. The only thing I noticed was a tendency to want meals while sitting in an easy chair. It's not something we do, for a variety of reasons. However, I think it only lasted two or three days.
    All the staff seemed to think he was lovely and some kissed him goodbye!
    By the way, I didn't visit, as I was going away myself. This time I shan't visit him either, though I am not going away. Wouldn't like him to think I was coming to collect him!
    He is eight years diagnosed, had it for at least two years before that. He needs help dressing, cannot do much else, even make coffee or turn radio on and does very little else except sleep. He cannot be left alone. He's been trying to follow me around everywhere, but I'm not encouraging it!
    Enjoy your break! I have a list of jobs that need attention, ie can't do when he's around, and have emailed done friends and told them it's their duty to take me out for coffee!! Not sure that'll go well with trying to exercise!
    Have your break and enjoy, god knows there's not much enjoyment out there ( for me at least) these days!
    Sleep well and good luck. Let me know how it goes.
     
  5. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    You need it especially if recommended by gp. Falls can happen anywhere at any time. I fell myself today ( I'm known for it), that's why I was awake, various bits hurting ( I have arthritis).
    Honestly, a fall can happen while you're there looking at them. Please don't let that worry you.
    Sleep as well as you can!
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    Hi Kittyann, well I've got OH safely parked in respite, had a coffee at a nearby coffee shop/ farm shop and got home. He seemed fine when I left ( just before their dinner). I'm a little sore in places from my fall yesterday, but now contemplating the next fortnight!
     
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,976
    Toronto, Canada
    Kittyann, I do hope your mother went into respite. It is very important for your mental and physical health that you take periodic breaks. They'll help you get through hard times when you know a break is coming up. Do not worry about what might happen. There's no percentage in it. 'What ifs' are just that and use up our time and mental energy.
     
  8. Kittyann

    Kittyann Registered User

    Jun 19, 2013
    53
    Thanks all for your advice. It was really helpful. I did put Mum in yesterday. The staff were lovely and surprisingly so far Mum appears to be taking it in her stride. Unfortunately for me the sniffle I woke up with yesterday morning turned into the head cold from hell yesterday evening. Not the ideal start to my week off! But looking on the bright side at least I can veg out and wait for it to improve without having to worry about looking after Mum too. Had arranged to meet a friend tonight and am determined to go even if my nose does put Rudolph's to shame:)
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,331
    Female
    South coast
    Oh the number of times that I have been ill as soon as Ive had a week off :( Its as if my body knows that its safe to be ill!

    Yes, just veg out and relax. Keep warm and drink lots (pref not all alcoholic ones ;) )
     
  10. Kittyann

    Kittyann Registered User

    Jun 19, 2013
    53
    That's exaxtly what I thought Canary. This is a really rotten cold I've got and its as though it waited for my week off. The timing was uncanny.

    Yes I've been drinking plenty of fluids including one alcoholic one. Stretched out in the sofa and had a hot Toddy last night while watching Broadchurch!

    Just being able to do that without having anything else to think about was good enough to almost make me forget it felt like I had a brick rammed up each nostril.
     
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    Attagirl! Welcome to the delights of time off for Carers! You will find things much easier when mum comes back! Think I've got a bit if a cold as well! But who hasn't at the moment?
     
  12. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Happened to me too! As soon as mum went into respite and had a week off after 4 years of caring I got a rotten cold. Mum unhappy at first, but second time she went she liked it. Take it from one who knows the hard way, you need a break or you will become I'll yourself. Take care, Sue
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.