Putting him straight


Registered User
Jul 31, 2003
Blackpool, Lancs
Apart from having serious memory problems my 80 year old Dad is in relatively good health. Because of this he doesn’t understand why he needs to have regular visits from carers and behaves aggressively and uncooperatively in order to put them off visiting. He is determined to continue living in his own home on his own terms. How can we persuade him that without the necessary support this is not a feasible option?


Registered User
Oct 16, 2003
Hi Rob

We have the same problem, mum has no idea she has dementia and questions and rants and raves every day about people being in her house (the majority of which are family in and out) we do have a lady that comes in for 3hours one day a week (retired carer) and the abuse that poor lady gets is unreal, but we are determined to stick it out because the 3hours that lady is sat there enables me to go and clear my head, recharge my batteries and therefore give mum a better quality of care for the next few hours. We are seriously thinking of doing the same thing on another day in the week and mum will have a right rant and rave about that but in order for me to take the main brunt of the care i have to have time out and come back with a little more patience than what i left with. My first half hour back after the carer has been can sometimes be ear blasting for me but due to my "time out" i can handle that.

i have learnt from people on this site that you cant be a good carer if you dont try and take some care of yourself as well and do appreciate that it is not always easy to do that.

Good Luck



Registered User
May 28, 2003
Hi Rob
I think Cathy has answered your question.
Im afraid that this is all I can respond with too.
If paid carers are coming into dads home to help him, either,
1. To eliviate this part of another persons role (mum, yourself or a sibling), then I would explain to him that it is necassry for all that Cathy has said.
2.If he is confused because of his memory difficulites and not able to do this things by himself, then explain that it is merely what he would really want if he was more aware that being unshaven and looking unkept, was not his usually character.
Hope that makes sense.
As with other symptoms of dementia, there are no straight forward answers, we can only advice and listen to tips from others, to determind what is most suitable for our loved ones.
good luck