Thanks everyone
CG, thats a good tip - thank you
Mil won't accept nappy style pads, even though I know they usually have better absorbency than the pull ups. She is still going to the loo independently often during the night and she would just remove them. I've tried slip pads in nettie pants, and have had her either removing the pads completely or, when she has gone to the loo, not repositioning them correctly. If she wakes up wet in the night, she will strip off the sheet, kylie and then place pillow cases , pillows and even her dressing gown over the bed to lie back down on - I've had to throw away a lot of pillows as she removes even waterproof cases, and I've just ordered completely waterproof pillows (along with a bed that I can raise the height of to make changing the bedding easier for me).
I think we will have to try waking her at say midnight and sending her to the loo, as suggested - but as even when we know she has got up herself, it hasn't seemed to make a lot of difference, not sure if it will work
We are limiting drinks after 7 - but due to past issues with constipation and UTI's, its a balancing act, getting the liquid levels low enough to help without possibly causing her problems in other area's.
I've ordered 2 packs of the pull ups that jeany gave me the link too - they have a higher absorbency rating than the pull ups from the continence clinic and the tenna super range - they are a lot cheaper than the tenna range too, so if nothing else, will save Mil a bit of money!
Thanks for all the advice, everyone - I think we are just going to have to try a lot of the things that you have suggested between you - and hope we can hit on something that helps xxxx