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Pulled the trigger on respite care

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
He was on the floor again this morning. He hasn't left his bed now for a week, aside from occasional trips to the bathroom for toilet and shower, mostly with assistance. He got me up in the night and I'm just so tired so I went to view a local care home this morning. They have a vacancy and were unfazed by his symptoms so we've told them we'd like to admit him on Thursday.

I feel dreadful now and I know no-one is going to tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing but in some ways I wish they would so I could argue my case!
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,665
0
Yorkshire
OK @spandit I take up your challenge... argue your case.... I think it's important you set it out, for your future self, so when you look back with doubt you can read here exactly why you, sadly, had no choice but to make this decision
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
OK @spandit I take up your challenge... argue your case.... I think it's important you set it out, for your future self, so when you look back with doubt you can read here exactly why you, sadly, had no choice but to make this decision
He's not safe here. The carers are struggling to cope with him, it's taking at least 2 of us to get him up and with the disrupted sleep, it's affecting my health and my family life. I'm constantly stressed and unable to be patient with him. It's undignified for him to take so long to get off the floor without the right equipment or to have to wait several hours for an ambulance to arrive.

I could probably go on but I think the point is proven...
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,483
0
Newcastle
The point is proven @spandit and I have said before that respite leading to the potential for permanent residence will be the best for all. Do take the chance to have a look at some different care homes if you can. They are not all the same in terms of facilities and approaches to personalised care. Most well-appointed and costly is not necessarily best. There is plenty of good advice on this site. Why feel guilty for doing the right thing?
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
Well, he's in. With the help of a builder, we carried him down the stairs in his wheelchair and took him out through his uncompleted annexe and down the ramp, which was so much easier than going through the normal back door. He's so tired and unsteady that I'm hoping a rest will do him good and he'll gain the confidence to walk more. Feel a bit numb myself, but not too bad. As has been said, the time was right.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,665
0
Yorkshire
I'm glad that went better than you expected @spandit
give yourself time to rest and for each of you to settle to the different routines
feeling numb, I think, is a defence mechanism and helpful right now
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
Glad that went smoothly. Recharge your batteries and do some nice things for yourself before deciding on the next step.
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
It's a bit like sending your child to school for the first time - you have to trust that the staff know what they're doing and will look after them. One of his carers has just been in and he's tucking into a breakfast now.
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
sounds good he is eating. need to trust them and not worry too much
They've 'phoned several times today and have called an ambulance because he's having some minor syncope episodes. We really don't think dragging him to A&E on a Friday night will be in his best interests (the episodes are symptomatic of Parkinson's and he's had them before)
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
They've 'phoned several times today and have called an ambulance because he's having some minor syncope episodes. We really don't think dragging him to A&E on a Friday night will be in his best interests (the episodes are symptomatic of Parkinson's and he's had them before)
sorry spoke too soon but with the best of intentions. the problem is that they have to be seen to do something to cover them when CQC ask. i agree and some of the hospital staff think that but i suppose as hes new and have they seen them before? its all got to be documented. will you be able to be there?
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
sorry spoke too soon but with the best of intentions. the problem is that they have to be seen to do something to cover them when CQC ask. i agree and some of the hospital staff think that but i suppose as hes new and have they seen them before? its all got to be documented. will you be able to be there?
Fortunately, the ambulance arrived and checked him over, he told them he felt fine, so he wasn't taken to hospital. Care home called at 11pm to tell me he was asleep, which gave me a bit of a panic, but at least he's still safe
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,138
0
Kent
You will both settle to a new way of life in time @spandit.

The transition time is difficult, from 24/7 knowledge to relying on communication from the care home
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
Glad your dad was checked over, but didn't have to go to hospital. The one time mum's home decided she should go there after one of her fairly frequent falls wasn't fun, and that was before the Covid restrictions.
Yes it's going to take time for the home to establish your dad's 'normal' and for you to get used to caring for him in a different way. Anyone who talks about 'putting loved ones in a home', as though you then wash your hands of them has got it totally wrong. You are still doing things for them, just differently.
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
296
0
It's been nearly 2 weeks now. I am getting used to the freedom of not having to organise care for him if I want to go out or worry what he's doing if I'm in the garden for more than a few minutes. Went to visit him in the care home yesterday and despite me hoping he'll be making a recovery of his confidence and beginning to walk more, I found him in bed with another UTI, looking very frail. He asked who the young lady was with me and my wife. Couldn't work out from the context that it was his granddaughter (who is 11) and he's eating very little. One of his carers visited him and reckoned that if he was left in the home he'd give up but I'm worried we'll be able to support him safely at home, even in his new purpose built annexe.

Had to extend his stay by a couple of weeks yesterday as the flooring has been delayed yet again...