My 85 yrs old mum has dementia, around 5 years in, and is cared 24hrs by her elderly husband who is also showing much signs of confusion and some safeguarding issues have been reported (on both sides). We have involvement from social services, Admiral Nurses, Alz UK and basically anyone else we can think of for support or intervention. Husband wont accept any help, nobody seems to understand the crisis and because family live a considerable distance away we can't be there all the time. Care home option is now the only option and although her husband has reluctantly agreed this is the way forward we are still struggling with some issues. 1) Financially mum can fund her own care for a while but because SS are involved they are talking about assessments/capacity etc. Are these completely necessary as she wont be relying on their funding plus they are very slow to respond to our calls with questions? 2) Mum lost both her parents at 6 yrs of age. She has the most pressing of separation/abandonment issues and is stuck like glue to her husband 24/7. She can be kept distracted for 1 hour only and then wails/tugs at her hair/can become aggressive. Dr has put her on Sertraline some months ago but the issues haven't subsided. With this generation of elderly people (WW2) surely mum can't be the only one with deep psychological/trauma problems and suffering dementia? Is this ever flagged up or discussed in regards to elderly care dementia? When mum does go into residential care (we have visited a few and made a decision based on the care PWD are given) we are quite confident in our choice but wondered if they would likely sedate her if they couldn't manage? Would we be told (we have LPOA) and what medication would likely to be given? She is not necessarily frequently aggressive but can't seem to live without her husband by her side all the time. As much as she has doted on us, her daughters, we simply cannot placate and reassure her. Apologies if I have rambled, first time poster.