1. purchase

    purchase Registered User

    Aug 31, 2005
    50
    England
    Had a telephone call today from the psychiatrist who went out to visit mom last week. She feels that mom is suffering from AD and is in the moderate stage. She scored 18/30 on the memory test. She explained a lot of things to us. The reason mom is always crying is that she forgets that dad died fourteen months ago and sometimes she forgets that he has died. When she sees family this brings it back to her and the reminds her that dad has gone. Her grief, because she forgets, is like the raw grief that you get when you first lose someone. This is due to her illness and the doctor feels that there is not much we can do. She does not feel that mom is clinically depressed because, as the home explained, most of the time she is chatty and cheerful except for the odd occasion and ofcourse when we visit. They are going to change her antidepressants though but I can't remember the name of the new drug. What she did say was they might make her seem a little sedated. I am not sure about this but is this the start of things to come. If mom is slightly sedated she may be less tearful but is it fair to sedate her just to make our lives easier. We are going to give it a go. The doctor will visit her in about five weeks and then we can discuss things further. I don't want mom to be sad whenever she sees us but I am not sure that I want her sedated but maybe it won't be too much in the way of sedation. What do you all think. What was nice was that she seemed very concerned that we didn't blame ourselves for mom's illness. She was keen to point out that there was nothing we could do and that we were doing our best. A really nice refreshing change. She also felt that we should tell mom that she is in the care home permenantly but we need to think hard about that one.

    Will see how it goes and keep you posted.

    Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

    Jacky
     
  2. Charly

    Charly Registered User

    Jul 12, 2005
    12
    Lancashire
    Hi Jacky,

    I understand that you don't want to see your Mum sedated, but I don't think that giving her this medication will be for your convenience alone.

    Because your Mum's grief feels so raw, she will be almost always feeling devastated, which, together with her dementia, must make for a hell of a time.

    The medication might just take the edge off things, and she may not be quite as tearful when she sees you and the rest of the family.

    With regard to telling your Mum about staying in long term - I have to agree with the psychiatrist I'm afraid. The care home staff and psychiatrist should help you to find the best way to do this.

    It will be hard for you to do - and hard for her to accept, but the problem with not telling her, is that she is always going to be expecting to go home anytime soon and will continually ask you and the care staff when this is going to be, which will only make her increasingly agitated and anxious.

    Difficult I know, but do lean on the staff for support and advice - they sound like they are welcoming and friendly which is half the battle!

    Wish you all the best & Good Luck!!

    Charly :)
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Jacky, it could be that your Mum will take a while to adjust to the new medication. During this time it may make her sleepy. Try not to worry too much as she may soon be fine on it. Love She. XX
     
  4. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Jacky

    All I can add is that, according to her psychiatrist, my Mum is"stuck" in the denial stage of grief, due to the circumstances around the time of Dads sudden death.

    Also, I too advise telling your Mum that she is in the home for good as it may well help her settle better rather than being in limbo and waiting to go home.

    I know it is hard, we stress to Mum that she is in a safe place where there is always someone around to look after her as she can't manage on her own because she is not well, it works with her, so good luck with your Mum and lets hope the new medication soon helps your Mum to feel better.
    Kathleen
    xx
     

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