psychiatrist and OT visited dad - agreed he needs to go into care

[Tinkerbell26]

So to give you all an update - dad again refused the carers this morning and has been walking to my house since 5 am .

The psychiatrist and OT visited this morning dad was lovely helping with coffee and then when he realised they were talking about him going into hospital, he became very angry and asked them to leave.

We therefore left and carried on the conversation at my house, everyone is in agreement he needs full time care, he's very able physically but very confused and agitated.

He was very upset again and crying last night. Do the plan is to try and get him back to the residential home, first hurdle is that they agree to take him, the manager is lovely but she would need more staff as he's quite demanding of one to one time, the next is to actually get him back there, the manager isn't sure how he will react, neither am I, but is rather he not be sectioned. But that is the plan for Friday if he can't go back to the residential home.

Any tips on how I can convince dad to go? I really don't want to see him sectioned and go into hospital

 

[Jo1958]

Tinkerbell, hi
Wow you are in the middle of it, I'm so glad that the professionals saw how your dad is and are offering support. I would suggest a quiet week, no demands on your dad, let him find his feet as well as he can and let him call the shots, he might (oh hope against hope!) be in a better situation to agree that he isn't coping and actually respite was quite good. If I remember corrected he has only just come out of respite and probably feels undermined. Sorry, I know that doesn't help you at 5am but if you know that there is help at hand it might make it bearable for this week.

I hope that you find yourself in a better place now that the visit has happened and you know that things are going to change.

Take good care of yourself, I look forward to hearing other people's suggestions.
With best wishes from Jo

 

[Sue J]

Hi Tinkerbell

What a relief for you that they are in agreement. That's part of the battle won. Would Dad agree initially as mentioned before, as extended respite, needed because of wedding? This is just a suggestion, but could you take him for a visit to the home, (with them on board) to go and say hello to some of the people he's already met to try and keep up some of the continuity of that care. It sounds to me the soiling and extra confusion is because he's in effect been put back into an old environment in which he was not previously coping anyway - leaving him more bewildered. I'd try and go for a visit each day if possible - whilst it may generate anxiety for him it may also trigger some of the 'happier' things he felt when he was there.

I do so hope it works out for you and that they can take him back at the same home.

Best wishes
Sue

 

[kazza73]

Oh dear. I'm glad the professionals saw that dad needs help but sorry he threw them out + is resisting the help they are willing to give.i know sectioning sounds scary but if that is what is needed then go with it. Whilst it would be preferable for dad to go willingly into respite that may not happen.
Try broaching the subject gently with him during the week but dont push it. Softly, softly, catchy monkey!
Ultimately things cant go on as they are, for either your sake or your dad's. If it does end up he needs sectioned then distressing though it may be the outcome will be what is best for you all.

Sending you lots of love + hoping you can persuade dad to go willingly.
Xxxxx

 

[Tinkerbell26]

Not good news I'm affraid the home that dad stayed in for respite font think they can meet his needs long term , another home I looked at is coming to do an assessment this afternoon but I doubt they will take him either, the other option is one that I've previously heard bad reports about, I haven't visited though so can't really form a view.

If nowhere will take him I suppose hospital is the only option and one I really want to avoid, all I want is for dad to walk me down the aisle, with less than 3 weeks to go this is not looking possible

HATE this disease

 

[kazza73]

Would they consider admitting him for a full assessment somewhere without actually sectioning him? Would dad agree to this if the only other option is sectioning?

I was terrified when mum was admitted to the psych unti for assessment but I have to say I can't fault the staff or the care mum is getting there. The staff see their role as not just supporting the patient but also supporting the family. It may be that if dad went in willingly then arrangements could be made to allow him to attend the wedding whereas if he was sectioned that wouldn't be possible.
Once in an assessment unit he wouldn't be discharged until a suitable care package was in place that could meet his needs.

 

[Tinkerbell26]

So the other home also said try couldn't take him, he was quite argumentative when they visited.

So frustrating as one minute he agrees and the next he's not leaving his house, he's refused all carers entry so I've had to take time off work to ensure he gets meds/ food, but in his mind he's totally capable.

I've spent most if today with him and after leaving him at 4pm he'd walked to mine 15 mins later.

After speaking to psychiatrist again they are looking for a bed in hospital and are coming on Thursday to section him in devestated but know in my heart its the right thing.

Ryan also very upset and asked if I wanted to postpone the wedding, definately not I say life is too short and I'm not planing a wedding again its too stressful!

Do need to make a decision on whether dad will be there or not now if he was well the rhouht wouldn't cross my mind but I don't want this day overshadowed by worry.

Wish me luck TP Thursday us going to be horrendous

 

[Sam Iam]

Oh Tink, I hope and pray your special day will go as planned.
Can you not ask a care agency to assist you with your dad walking you down the aisle? Probably not much use but just a suggestion you so deserve this one wee thing and who knows maybe when your dad see's you in your wedding dress things will just happen naturally.

Best wishes to you and your's. Xxxx

 

[Sue J]

That's a good idea of Sam's Tinkerbelll. I was once asked to look after a Grandma , who suffered with dementia, at a wedding it took the stress off everyone else and she was a delight. Sitting round a table were 10 of us she turned to me and said 'Are you all talking about me?' to which I replied 'No of course not' her retort with a wink, 'well I wouldn't mind if you were' - I've never forgotton it and her son was glad to have her there and not worry about it. Perhaps you have a friend or relative that could look after Dad? I hope there is some relief for your situation soon.

Sue
x

 

[Tinkerbell26]

As the wedding is so near when he gets sectioned he will still be in the 28 days apparently we can ask for leave for him but then there's the worry of getting him back to hospital, he's very stubborn and doubt he'll go quietly in Thursday.

I'd love him to at least come to church and walk me down the ausle, but if they are doing a meds review I.don't want to unsettle him anymore, I suppose we have to take it one day at a time

Ryan has managed to.force some food down my neck, the good husband to be that he is and I'm going to try and sleep soon ready for my 5 am wake up call