Hi there - this is a question without a definitive answer I think, so just looking for opinions/perspectives.
Firstly, just to say my husband is being such a star helping to care for my dad (96 with dementia plus some physical health problems) so this isn't a big problem but I would appreciate people's thoughts.....
My husband has POA for dad for finances and I have health and welfare. Dad said he only wanted one person appointed so this seemed the best fit as my dad is a retired bank manager and handling his money (which is now beyond him although obsessing about it takes up most of his waking hours) is much easier for my husband as I'm not really money-savvy and my OH has an accounting background.
The sticking point is when it comes to mail orders, which is another obsession of dad's. One of us is always with him now so we keep an eye on the scam mail which he was falling for and must have spent thousands on absolute rubbish in order to claim his (non existent) prize.
I have absolutely no qualms about withholding this mail, telling love lies about it if necessary....anything to prevent these evil people from deceiving my dad. But dad is also addicted to ordering anything that he sees in his paper, or from charity mail, much of which he wouldn't have looked twice at before dementia set in. Not sure if I'm allowed to name companies, but some of their marketing ploys are very cunning and obviously aimed to attract the attention of the vulnerable, so in principle I hate them too but in practice I feel uncomfortable about stopping dad from spending his money (which is often on things for us, never needed or wanted so basically a waste of money).
However, dad has more than enough monthly income to live in comfort, paying all his bills with lots left over and mail ordering is now one of the only things he can enjoy as he can't go out of the house and it gives him something to look forward to. I guess my husband feels differently because he hates to see money being squandered and also these orders often result in dad getting into a muddle when his bank statement arrives (see previous comment about his money obsession!) and I'm not the one to have to spend hours on repeat explaining about it or phoning the companies
My feelings are that dad has very few 'freedoms' in his life now and letting him waste money (which he can easily afford) is something that affords him dignity and enjoyment. It upsets me to see my lovely dad thinking some c**p is a good buy when he and mum had such good taste, but that's my problem to deal with.
On the other hand my husband is wired differently, he's practical rather than emotionally-driven and is basically doing his duty as POA to safeguard dad's finances. I can understand that and I'm not falling out with my husband, far from it.... but just interested to hear what other people do or think about this? I guess it's yet another head and heart problem that seems so common on here....
Firstly, just to say my husband is being such a star helping to care for my dad (96 with dementia plus some physical health problems) so this isn't a big problem but I would appreciate people's thoughts.....
My husband has POA for dad for finances and I have health and welfare. Dad said he only wanted one person appointed so this seemed the best fit as my dad is a retired bank manager and handling his money (which is now beyond him although obsessing about it takes up most of his waking hours) is much easier for my husband as I'm not really money-savvy and my OH has an accounting background.
The sticking point is when it comes to mail orders, which is another obsession of dad's. One of us is always with him now so we keep an eye on the scam mail which he was falling for and must have spent thousands on absolute rubbish in order to claim his (non existent) prize.
I have absolutely no qualms about withholding this mail, telling love lies about it if necessary....anything to prevent these evil people from deceiving my dad. But dad is also addicted to ordering anything that he sees in his paper, or from charity mail, much of which he wouldn't have looked twice at before dementia set in. Not sure if I'm allowed to name companies, but some of their marketing ploys are very cunning and obviously aimed to attract the attention of the vulnerable, so in principle I hate them too but in practice I feel uncomfortable about stopping dad from spending his money (which is often on things for us, never needed or wanted so basically a waste of money).
However, dad has more than enough monthly income to live in comfort, paying all his bills with lots left over and mail ordering is now one of the only things he can enjoy as he can't go out of the house and it gives him something to look forward to. I guess my husband feels differently because he hates to see money being squandered and also these orders often result in dad getting into a muddle when his bank statement arrives (see previous comment about his money obsession!) and I'm not the one to have to spend hours on repeat explaining about it or phoning the companies
My feelings are that dad has very few 'freedoms' in his life now and letting him waste money (which he can easily afford) is something that affords him dignity and enjoyment. It upsets me to see my lovely dad thinking some c**p is a good buy when he and mum had such good taste, but that's my problem to deal with.
On the other hand my husband is wired differently, he's practical rather than emotionally-driven and is basically doing his duty as POA to safeguard dad's finances. I can understand that and I'm not falling out with my husband, far from it.... but just interested to hear what other people do or think about this? I guess it's yet another head and heart problem that seems so common on here....