1. emscub

    emscub Registered User

    Dec 5, 2003
    124
    Bath
    Dear Sheila,

    The reason I/we are worried is not only because of my Nan's deteriorating health/dementia (which is now severe, even though she can still use her 'scripts' for conversation and might sound 'ok' to those who read my posts), and because of my Mum's health/workload, as she has a slipped disc in her back and is working full-time. The concern was that we wouldn't be able to carry on for another 3 1/2 years.
    I would argue that anyone with dementia is not 'ok' and that the ability of those around them to care is not only affected by their stage of dementia, but by the carer's themselves.
     
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Emma, yes you are so right, the health of the carers and their own circumstances, as well as that of the dementia sufferer's will obviously greatly affect the ability to care as they would wish. We had a real mixed bag between us healthwise etc. here too as you know whilst we cared for Mum. Sorry if my saying OK upset you, it was not intended. I know only too well that a dementia sufferer is never going to be OK in the conventional sense again. What I meant to do was try to reassure you that you are doing your very best and that you as a family had made your Nan's situation as OK as you possibly could. Both hubby and I have bad backs, so I sympathise with your poor Mum. It was not being able to help Mum in the bath, as one night I could hardly move, holding her safely to get out was so scary that it made me start the ball rolling on help. We got someone to come and do the bathing from then on, I would never have forgiven myself if she had fallen. Back pain is awful and because it doesn't always show, you need to ensure your Mum gets the rest she needs to get it better. Love She. XX
     
  3. emscub

    emscub Registered User

    Dec 5, 2003
    124
    Bath
    Thanks She, I know you didn't mean to upset. Having gone through the caring process yourself, and with the problems you've faced too, I know you understand.
    I just wanted to restate that we were worrying for all these reasons.

    Emma
     
  4. frederickgt

    frederickgt Registered User

    Jun 4, 2005
    124
    Hornchurch,Essex
    It sounds like a minefield

    Sally I am confused,My wife and I joinly own our bungalow,what worries me if I should pre-decease my wife ,she will then own the whole property,if she than has to go into acare home,could the SS then sell the bungalow to pay for her care? thus disinheriting our daughter sarah,who lives with us.
    I dont know if we are common tenants or what,Abbey National still has the deeds.Can I make a will orcodicil leaving my share of the bungalow to my daughter?
    this worries me!
    .
     
  5. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    a minefield indeed!

    These things are always complicated, especially as none of us now what's ahead of us.
    I have had help from a solicitor who was suggested by the AS, and have decided on the following: I have changed our deeds from joint ownership to tenancy in common (I don't have my papers to hand at this moment, but I think that was the terminology). This was a simple paper exercise, which the solicitor took care of.

    This then enabled me to change my will, which up until now would have resulted in all my 'estate' going to my husband (to prevent him having to sell the house in order to satisfy anyone else's demands). Due to his AD, however, my husband would now not be able to remain living in the house if I pre-deceased him. Therefore, the house would have to be sold and the proceeds used for his care, which, as you rightly suggest, could easily and quickly disinherit our daughters.
    My new will provides for our daughters, as well as a trust fund which would be used for my husband's care.

    I will never find out whether I have done the right thing, but having spent a considerable amount of time going through the various options, I just had to make a decision and leave it at that.
    Che sera, sera .......... whatever will be, will be!
     
  6. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Yes, and that's what I did as well, but for a slightly different reason.

    If I were to have pre-deceased Jan - as things originally stood - then, on her death, our joint estate would have gone to her family, which has abandoned her since her illness.

    I didn't want that to happen and, while I couldn't change Jan's will, I could at least ensure that my part of our partnership didn't go that way. So I changed our house to be held as tenants in common.

    It was easier for me as we had no children.

    As a side effect, this whole thing gave me a reason to live beyond Jan [which at one stage looked unlikely], to deny a penny to the other side......
     
  7. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    143
    Nottingham
    Hi Emma

    Although Mum sadly died in Feb. we were in the same position as you. My husband I jointly owned our own home with Mum purchased with the proceeds of both our houses. When the SS came to assess Mum's income fro help with fees just before she died as the capital had dropped below 20k I simply told him there was no property to sell as it was jointly owned and that was that. He did not even ask for proof. But then he did srtike me as a pretty exceptional case!

    best wishes

    Geraldine
     
  8. Sally

    Sally Registered User

    Mar 16, 2004
    114
    London
    #28 Sally, Jun 28, 2005
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2005
    all present and correct

    Hello All,

    just got back from hols and have been reading responses. Everything people say here is correct as far as I know and changing deeds to tennants in common is usually the pay forward in terms of trying to protect at least half of a property.

    Best wishes,
    Sally
    x x x x x
     
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Nutty
    I did thesame as you,change to tennants in common.
    Them if I depart first Peg has half and live in the house as long as she wishes or is able.
    My half into a trust fund to the grand children but can be recalled if it needed by Peg.When we are both gone divided between the sons.
    You have got it right
    Norman
     
  10. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    391
    I thought it would be worth adding that we too have decided to do a similar thing and are in the process of setting up something called a Discretionary Trust (Sheila mentioned it, too). Having looked at all the various options, we decided to go for this and just hope it has been the right decision! It is all so complicated, but we feel that this is the best we can do with the info we have. If I have got it right, at the first death half the Estate passes to our children, who then become Trustees. The remaining partner can still access this, and it only passes to the children at the second death.
     
  11. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Lulu
    this is what I described in my previous posting.
    Our FA arranged it all for us,it is a poke in the eye for officialdom when they try to snatch our monies!!
    Well done
    Norman
     

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