Prompted to visit

[Amy]

Hiya all,
I hadn't been to see mum for a couple of weeks - various reasons -none good enough. Then had a scare this morning when I spoke to dad and he said she wasn't well yesterday - high temperature, eyes closed, not eating. Immediately phoned NH and they said that she had to be sponged down in the night, no better this morning, and the anitbiotics that she was starting last night didn't seem to have appeared.
Anyway spoke to dad again at 12.00 and he had been and mum much brighter.

As I was driving my son to a University Open Day today(this was before 12.00), I said 'Typical, if she dies, I'll forever be guilty that I hadn't bothered to visit for two weeks' - it's not that I don't care, don't love her. Anyway, dashed over tonight for 30 minutes - she's not right, but has eaten today. Her mouth has a more pronounced droop to one side, but that maybe just that she is 'off colour'.

Doesn't it get tiring, trying so hard to give everyone time - and in the end letting them all down in some way?
Oh well, tomorrow is another day. What is it that they write on school reports-"Must try harder!"?
Finished that wallow in self pity - better get on and sort out some food for some hungry mouths as eldest has just said "Are we doing anything for tea then, or what?" - and theydo often help prepare meals, and that makes me feel guilty too!
Love Helen

 

[mel]

Hi Helen
sorry you're having a rough time....you must be very busy at the moment what with work and university open days etc!!!....But just hang on.....if your mum was well you wouldn't be able to see much of your parents at the moment....there are times when you just have to give your family your total attention and your mum wouldn't want it any other way....also...remember she is safe and being well looked after .....your son really needs you to be there with him at the moment(....though goodness knows what I'm going to do this time next year when my eldest is at the same stage ).....I have times like this....everyone wants a piece of me and there just ain't enough to go round....(mind you there will be if I keep eating the choccies )
take care
Love xx

 

[Tender Face]

Doesn't it get tiring, trying so hard to give everyone time

Helen, first of all huge sympathies for your mum .... and you ...

Have been on the verge of posting something similar these last couple of days.... the phrase that kept coming to mind was 'struggling with juggling' .... I have the world and his wife (soz, exaggeration - Social Services, Age Concern etc) ringing me re mum ... telling me I'm coping perfectly well .... what about my son being bullied at school? What about what's going on at work....? What about ......? Quite frankly, many of my frustrations this last week or so have been NOTHING to do with mum ... it's about the fact I am starting to lose sight of a life OUTSIDE dementia.

Part of my 'tantrum' last night was to throw my diary across the table to hubby (who has 'stuff' of his own I should be supporting more with) and screeching 'What about me? Where do I figure in that diary?' Between medical appointments for all and sundry, school meetings, work commitments, the 'errands' I need to do ... any of them for me? Selfish? Yes! Fed up? Yes!

Guilty as hell the minute anything goes wrong for anyone I'm trying to care for when I don't seem to be in the right place at the right time? Yes. I feel like those damned loaves you get in the bakers these days ... do you want it sliced thick or medium? Thin, please... that way there might be more to go round...... but there's only so much of a loaf.....

That was meant to be in the way of a hug ....

Love, Karen, x

 

[Amy]

Thanks Mel,
Having just finished the last piece of a chunky Toblerone - I know what you mean about there being plenty to go around!!
I think I've lost the plot a bit with mum. I used to know what my role was before she went into the NH - bathing, hairdresser, toiletting when I was there. There was a purpose to my visiting. Now, OK if I go at a meal time then I feed her. I did at one stage go over in an afternoon and take her out, or take her up to her room and sit with her and put an old musical on the DVD or listen to music. Maybe I need to make time to do it again - it would do me good- just to sit with mum, without an audience. I don't know if it does anything for her. God I miss her. She would understand.
Well, tonights tea has turned into a Take Away - so that's another inch on the ever expanding waistline!!
Love Helen

 

[mel]

Hi Helen
your role is quite simple......a devoted, loving daughter who is there for her mum no matter what.....thats a pretty vital role......

Well, tonights tea has turned into a Take Away - so that's another inch on the ever expanding waistline!!

just look upon that as a well deserved treat......ignore the toblerone you had earlier
Love
xx

 

[MrsMoneypenny]

Take away !

After a long day looking after Dad I know just what you mean. The amount of times we just look at each other and say "shall we have a take away? "
The chippy is making a fortune out of us. Thinking of investing in shares

 

[mel]

Its choccy time

.....and Karen.......methinks you're in need of a treat too......choccy....G&T???

 

[Amy]

Oh 'piece of grass turf' this! Come on Karen, Mel, and any other daughter who is trying to do their best by a parent, partner, children and employer. In fact anyone reading this who is doing their best but feeling wholly inadequate -WE ARE DOING OUR BEST, NO-ONE CAN ASK MORE - WE COUNT TOO! I am going to go and find a glass of something alcoholic, think of you wonderful people on here, and hopefully feel that strange hug Karen - care to join me?
Love Helen

 

[mel]

Oh 'piece of grass turf' this! Come on Karen, Mel, and any other daughter who is trying to do their best by a parent, partner, children and employer. In fact anyone reading this who is doing their best but feeling wholly inadequate -WE ARE DOING OUR BEST, NO-ONE CAN ASK MORE - WE COUNT TOO! I am going to go and find a glass of something alcoholic, think of you wonderful people on here, and hopefully feel that strange hug Karen - care to join me?
Love Helen

Hi Amy

Oh 'piece of grass turf' this!

....Love it

Yes....count me in ....lets party!!!
xx

 

[MrsMoneypenny]

Oh 'piece of grass turf' this! Come on Karen, Mel, and any other daughter who is trying to do their best by a parent, partner, children and employer. In fact anyone reading this who is doing their best but feeling wholly inadequate -WE ARE DOING OUR BEST, NO-ONE CAN ASK MORE - WE COUNT TOO! I am going to go and find a glass of something alcoholic, think of you wonderful people on here, and hopefully feel that strange hug Karen - care to join me?
Love Helen

Like this place. Mines a nice big glass of red please !!!!

 

[Tender Face]

Since when was glass made out of alcohol??? Oh, that's right, you're s'posed to drink OUT of it, not eat it????? Knew I was going wrong somewhere... well, if there's a party going on, you know I'm an animal ....

What would I do without this place to keep me insane?????

Back in a mo (when I've found the corkscrew!!!)

Karen,

 

[MrsMoneypenny]

Since when was glass made out of alcohol??? Oh, that's right, you're s'posed to drink OUT of it, not eat it????? Knew I was going wrong somewhere...

Somewhere!? We need a chat Lady LOL

 

[Amy]

The thing is, I rarely drink, so one glass goes straight to my head!
Oh no, will Nada rap my knuckles for encouraging drunken behaviour on TP?!
Sorry Nada - I apologise now.
My takeaway has arrived (One advantage to eldest having passed his test!!) -
so excuse me whilst I eat.
Love Helen

 

[MrsMoneypenny]

Your Age By Chocolate

YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE

It takes less than a minute
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
have chocolate
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 ....
If you haven't, add 1755.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

 

[dmc]

hello mrs moneypenny (great name!!)

ive just tried to count but ive had a few blossom hillls to many
trying to catch up with all of you,

i feel exactly the same as all of you, (hence my i feel like i want to scream thread!!)
ive got a magnet on my fridge that reads:
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT I DO TILL I STOP DOING IT.
i think that just about says it all
take care all enjoy all the takeaways and drink and dont feel guilty (not till you wake up tomorrow anyway )
love xxx

 

[Amy]

Hiya Mrs Moneypenny,
I love it. Will try it on some kids tomorrow.
Did the algebra to see how it worked .
Amazing the things on TP that can make you feel better.
Love Helen

 

[Tender Face]

Proudest parent?????

(One advantage to eldest having passed his test!!) -
Love Helen

How far does the delivery service stretch????

Proud as punch my son is to learn Japanese at High School ... on the basis of his French results...... delighted as anything ... not least, there's one subject in homework I can't POSSIBLY be expected to help him with... (my algebra and French is proving a bit rusty already!!!)

Guess blinking what? Letter home from school: 'How to help your child learn Japanese' ... so which muggins is rearranging schedules tomorrow to sit in a 'Modern Foreign Language Studio' and be frightened to smithereeens....???

Isn't THAT bullying???? Do policies extend to parents????

Sorry, this has nothing to do with dementia .. or has ... do I need my head 'clouding' with Japanese????

Donna, I am relying on you to start the 'Fridge Magnet' thread ......

Still looking for that corkscrew....

Love all, Karen, (Tf), x

 

[mel]

Hi Mrs Moneypenny
thats great......took me ages to find the calculator but i found it eventually.......
......i suppose I could have worked it out in my head(not!!!)

 

[mel]

Karen.....I'll check mums handbag

 

[dmc]

hello TF
heres one for you
Konnichi wa.... hello
Watashi no namae wa... my name is
care of mike my son whos just been there for a month
good luck!!!