Problems with social services

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Badgeman, Aug 15, 2015.

  1. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    Hi I've posted before, and I wish I had more time to view the forums, but I'm on alert 24/7.

    Social services came last week unannounced, and they came with the care team involved with my mums care, and I have two concerns basically.

    Firstly, I was basically told off for looking after my Mum too well, and that the care package in place to help my mother wash and dress (which Mum does her self, but a lot of cajoling is involved), and to feed her, Ro which i was doing. And as such the SS were going to withdraw the care package and close her case. I tell you, it's very difficult to be told off for doing the right thing. Mum will not let anybody wash her, and the carers were actually very happy just to talk to her for 10 minutes and make sure she's alright. I know that sort of breaches the regulations of her care, but without them mum and I would not get any human contact.

    Secondly, I had a conversation with the SS about if/when mum died or was taken into care. I was concerned about the fact that we receive housing benefit for Mum, and I voiced my concern that I would lose the privately rented accommodation as soon as she passed or was out in a nursing home. I was given by a social worker the card of a homeless charity. Is this really what they should do?

    There are more problems I'm having, but these are the two at this moment. I contact the SS and I just get a 'no we longer do that anymore', kind of reply.

    I cannot talk to my Mum about these problems, as due to her Alzheimer's, she gets extremely upset, and it's not worth it. I only have this forum to vent any problems, so I hope I'm not being stupid in posting this, please be kind and forgive me if I am.

    Don't get me started on trying to get my mum a walking frame... Nobody took interest, and I ended up buying her one for £60 that I didn't really have.

    I know I've said more than two things, but forgive me.
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    #2 Sue J, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
    Hi Badgeman,

    Please don't apologize. I'm so sorry SS are not giving you the help and support that you need or have a right to. Apart from your Mother's needs you too are entitled to a carer's assessment. I would tell them that you do not agree with them closing your Mother's case ( my local team did this to me saying my needs were too specialist!), I would contact your GP and your Mother's and let them know of the situation. Your GP should get on to SS and support you.

    Your Mum is unlikely to let anybody do anything for her until/unless a rapport is built up over time, t still may be difficult but those 10 min chats are important because that is what they do, they give you support too, even if they make you a cup of tea. I know that doesn't fit the right box to tick:rolleyes: but the latter gets you nowhere as you apparently 'care too well', I am sure you do but that doesn't let them off the hook. Don't accept them saying 'We don't do that anymore' ask them what they do do.

    Don't stop asking, and badgering them.

    CAB or Shelter may be able to give you better advice regarding your housing situation. You should be getting Carer's Allowance too, CAB may advise you re. any other benefits you may be entitled too also.

    Best wishes

    I have just read your other thread saying how unhappy you are with the carers, do you have a local Age UK? Maybe they can advise on getting help more appropriate to your needs. You have to be happy with who comes into your home. I would still persist with SS too. A befriending service may be of benefit so that someone can sit with your Mum if you need to go out without worrying about being delayed getting back. I do feel for you both, it's hard enough coping with the condition let alone having doors closed to you especially by organisations whose doors should be open.
  3. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    What about asking the SW to organise you some respite cover so that you can get out and about and have some time to yourself and maybe use some of that time to see the Citizen's Advice Bureau and ask what will happen to you and your living situation when Mum goes elsewhere.

    I also second the recommendation of speaking to Age Uk. They can be very helpful. Could you ring them while Mum is having a nap or watching Coronation Street or something?
  4. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013

    I'm my dad's carer he has dementia.
    He lives with my mum but he has been my mum's carer for years due to spine problems.

    I've also been told by our previous S's that we re doing too well and basically making a rod for our own backs.
    I appreciated the recognition of all my hard work but was somewhat suprised they didn't have enough insight to say you need to look after yourself too.. (the big carers act that there to look after us???) And suggest we accept help!!

    I have now insisted on certain things..With the I have rights talk etc.

    It's not receiving a rapid response..but they know how I feel.
    I don't know a lot about private renting bit certainly the advice to try cab or even local housing centre sounds good!

    Caring is hard enough as it is. If you feel their hearing you but not really listening I would ask the alzheimers society for the help of an advocate. They can help you. Ring the society they ll tell you how..

    You have rights..and if they can't hear you speak louder!! (If you know what I mean). I do and ears to pin back and listen.

    Best wishes
  5. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    A response to all replies. And thank you.

    Some of the carers that come are sincerely kind, and deserve for me to say as much.

    However, I'm not getting the proper support. I waited 7 months for the SS to tell me they don't do walking sticks or any kind of support for people who cannot walk or have difficulty getting around. It cost me a lot of cash I don't have. I'm a (forgive my

    I always have missing prescriptions missing for both mum and myself, when I go and get the meds. I dread going to the pharmacy as I know, and there is always a problem. For example, Mum gets very anxious in the evenings, and my local mental health and district nurse recommended that I should be allowed to give her a low dose of a Valium type of medication. My GP agreed via the district nurse, and I should go and collect the meds. When I went not a soul knew what I was talking about!

    I think I should leave where I live, but mum is far too ill to be moved, and I don't have the cash to do it, being just a carer.

    I'm sorry, I feel so isolated and the SS just want to save money IMHO.

    Thanks to everybody for their support. I just need a pat in the back and understanding.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.