Problem with getting diagnosis

[Boredhousewife]

My Mum probably has dementia. She is terrified of the possibility however and refuses to be assessed. People phone her up, make an appointment and the moment the call ends she forgets they are coming. So they turn up, she assumes they are from the church she attends, (who she is ultra suspicious of for some reason) and refuses to speak while they are there. So they ask her ex partner, my Dad to sit in with her (he is helping her at present. I live miles away, so does my sister, my Brother has his head buried in the sand. Her ex, who is also my Dad, is a massive control freak who thinks he will get all her money if he can get power of attorney so him helping suits us all at present...) When he sits in he wont let her even speak for herself. So I'm sitting in on a secret meeting between me, the social worker, the mental health nurse and Mum next week. Anyway.
She seems totally lucid, for the entire day, ten hours at a stretch, if you speak to her face to face. She gets stressed and confused by technology, e.g the phone or TV and seems to have this weird expectation that someone should be looking after her all the time, sometimes she can be a little paranoid and she is very forgetful. But she is right here with me in reality, for the whole day, when I visit her face to face. All that seems to be wrong is that she can't concentrate for long and starts thinking of something else. Could that be depression instead of dementia? My Dad bullies her and stresses her to the extreme. Could it be his presence causing anxiety and depression, causing her symptoms? I ask because she is scared to have any assessment and will not co-operate, so they will pretty much have to go on what her family says about her....

 

[lynd]

My Mum probably has dementia. She is terrified of the possibility however and refuses to be assessed. People phone her up, make an appointment and the moment the call ends she forgets they are coming. So they turn up, she assumes they are from the church she attends, (who she is ultra suspicious of for some reason) and refuses to speak while they are there. So they ask her ex partner, my Dad to sit in with her (he is helping her at present. I live miles away, so does my sister, my Brother has his head buried in the sand. Her ex, who is also my Dad, is a massive control freak who thinks he will get all her money if he can get power of attorney so him helping suits us all at present...) When he sits in he wont let her even speak for herself. So I'm sitting in on a secret meeting between me, the social worker, the mental health nurse and Mum next week. Anyway.
She seems totally lucid, for the entire day, ten hours at a stretch, if you speak to her face to face. She gets stressed and confused by technology, e.g the phone or TV and seems to have this weird expectation that someone should be looking after her all the time, sometimes she can be a little paranoid and she is very forgetful. But she is right here with me in reality, for the whole day, when I visit her face to face. All that seems to be wrong is that she can't concentrate for long and starts thinking of something else. Could that be depression instead of dementia? My Dad bullies her and stresses her to the extreme. Could it be his presence causing anxiety and depression, causing her symptoms? I ask because she is scared to have any assessment and will not co-operate, so they will pretty much have to go on what her family says about her....

Hi perhaps you could get her a book to write things down in, I write in a book every time i visit my mum, unfortunately not every one does this but this is a way of prompting their memory to know when people have been to see them - perhaps you could do the same sort of thing for your mum. Also perhaps you could ask the people who are making arrangements to visit her to ring you as well so that you can arrange to be there too, if you can.

I told my dad to keep a diary of events so that he could present this to the doctor so that he could ask for mum to be assessed. Eventually the doctor arranged for my mum to be assessed and dad is geting a little bit of help but unfortunately things have gone down hill quite dramatically over the last couple of months. The leaflets available through the Alzheimers Society are very helpful also. Hope things sort themselves for you Lynd