Privacy

Maggie42

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
120
East Midlands
I need help with my husband so I can get a regular weekly break and am trying to organise having carers in. What I am wondering is how other people cope with the issue of privacy. Do you mark areas as ""out of bounds or would you consider putting a lock on a room? Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks
Maggie
:confused:
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,738
NeverNeverLand
On the whole, I take the view that if I trust someone to care I trust them. However, I would not give them the password to my PC and I would take my handbag with me when I left and not leave money around.
If I had something of incredible value I probably would not have it in the house!
But I agree, we are vulnerable if we trust people to care.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
If I trusted someone enough to leave my husband with them I would trust them in my house but I agree with Butter i would not leave a pile of money lying around ,

Saying that you could always say could you use that room and that room and not those.

Jeany
 

allthings

Registered User
Oct 6, 2011
125
61
durham
Hi maggie 42 i have had carers in from last august with no problems, although there have been 8 different carers and all in their 20s things have been fine i take my wallet and phone with me, its an agency that the council have a contract with to provide care . I have too much to cope with without having to think about things that might happen so i have to trust the carers and thats fine.:)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,387
Kent
I don`t think carers would have the time or the inclination to intrude on your privacy. Those of us who know how tiring and stressful full time caring is will know we would have no interest rummaging though other people`s drawers and papers in our precious `me time`.
 

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
Yorkshire
Maggie, hi
I agree, if you don't trust the carers in your house then how can you trust them to look after your husband.

We have had carers in to look after hubby while I go out for the last 18 months or so, I simply left them to it, the house was open but I trusted that they would stay with hubby and not go rummaging around the house, they never did. There are little traps that you can set, if you feel the need to, I have in the past had family members who have rummaged while staying with me and they have been stupid enough both to do it and brag about it, however, carers are employed by us and their jobs are on the line if we even have a suspision that they are being unprofessional.

I guess it comes down to how much you want the time for a break and how happy you are to leave your house and your husband in someone else's care. If you are not happy with the people you are thinking of employing then shop around a bit more.

I hope you find the right mix of trust and people who really care, good luck.
With best wishes from Jo
 

Maggie42

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
120
East Midlands
Hi,
Thanks for replies, guess I am just over anxious about the whole thing it's a big step but one I have to make for my own health. My h.b's recent decline has meant it all happening rather quicker than I had anticipated and I still have to adjust to the idea.
Regards
Maggie
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,710
Wiltshire
Maggie,

I agree with what the others have advised about having to have a level of trust with the carers who are coming into your home and also that you can take some sensible measures to ensure that things aren't left lying around and opening the avenue for temptation. You also need to understand that for carers they are perhaps more vulnerable too when caring for people with dementia because there is always the risk that the person makes statements or claims that are not true (my mother accused my cousin of stealing from her for example) and for this reason also it is worthwhile you assessing whether you need to perhaps find some lockable containers for putting items into etc for everyone's sake.

In addition, when you are at the point of finding carers then if you are using an agency for example, ask for details of the checks which they carry out on the people which they employ. Have they all had CRB checks done perhaps? This would then also give you a greater level of comfort around anyone you are considering letting into your home.

Fiona
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
Hi,
Thanks for replies, guess I am just over anxious about the whole thing it's a big step but one I have to make for my own health. My h.b's recent decline has meant it all happening rather quicker than I had anticipated and I still have to adjust to the idea.
Regards
Maggie
I hope things go well and that the break helps you to cope better, we all have to adjust in ways we never thought we would and this dementia thing has many ups and downs ,

Beat wishes Jeany x
 

SisterAct

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
2,255
67
Liverpool, Merseyside
Hi Maggie
1. We leave "Petty Cash" for carers and ask them if they need to spend from it would they get a receipt as we have to account for Dads money.
2. On the laptop we have set up another user I'd so they can log on if required. The younger ones really appreciate this and when Dad is in bed they are on to all their friends or working as a lot of them have studying to do.
3. We always leave £10 in Dads wallet. He doesn't need to spend anything as he doesn't go anywhere but he likes to have it. Dad has accused people of taking his money and this is for the carers benefit as much as his. We always tell the carers how much is there and why as they too are vulnerable.
4. We've never restricted any areas as we have stored any of Dads valuables in our own houses but we always tell them which bedroom is ours.

We've not had a carer for more than one night yet as we are just building up to that. The carers we have had have been fantastic though. It was hard at first leaving Dad with them but he loved chatting to them.
You just need to recharge your batteries......you deserve it x
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,705
North Manchester
"... On the laptop we have set up another user I'd so they can log on if required..."

Be careful what privileges you give their account.
If you want more details post back with detail of OS you are using ie XP, Vista, W7, Linux...
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,556
leicester
I am going to just make sure (as I do anyway) that anything private or valuable is in the safe.

I said I would leave the wifi log in key, I presumed that most will have thier own laptop or iPod.

I have been asked to leave some cash for the carer to shop, other than that I think we will have to have some trust.

Helen
 

florence43

Registered User
Jul 1, 2009
1,484
London
Dear Maggie,

I completely understand your concerns and it is a very difficult adjustment to make, all things considered. We did put padlocks on 2 of the doors, because mum lived alone and there was nobody to check on a daily basis that everything was ok. Mum wouldn't have known if anything was missing, and we didn't know the carers or meet them regularly, because we could only visit on a weekend.

We also had a safe, for all the money and valuable things, and left out a jar with petty cash for mum's weekly visit out. We asked for receipts to be left in the jar with the cash.

It seems wrong to feel suspicious of the people in whom you are trusting will look after your loved one, but better safe than sorry, was our thought. We felt so out of reach and out of control being so far away, so maybe we went a bit over the top, I don't know. However, mum had stuffed hundreds of pounds in all sorts of funny places and we had done a good search of the main reception areas, but not yet the bedrooms, so this was another reason for keeping them out of bounds.

We hadn't met many of the carers, as it wasn't the same everyday, and we were very protective of mum, who was so vulnerable, living alone and only seeing us on weekends. Reading the other posts, we probably needn't have gone to such measures, but we felt we shouldn't take any risks with any aspects of her life, so maybe that explains why we did lock the doors.

In clearing the house, we still haven't come across a few precious items. Mum's engagement ring and another one which was our Grandma's. I'm 90% sure it's probably a case of mum burying them somewhere random, but we'll possibly never know.

You have to do what makes you feel secure. But if moving the valuables to a safe will be enough, then I'm sure you'll not need to go any further than that.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Maggie,

ensure that things aren't left lying around and opening the avenue for temptation.

Fiona
Really good advice from Fiona, but particularly struck by this point. Don't leave temptations lying around. It's not fair on anyone.
 

Sox

Registered User
Mar 12, 2011
325
Hello Maggie - I was in a similar situation to you 18 months ago and started to have carers in for one afternoon a week initially, partly to enable me to go out and also to get hubby used to having someone else to look after him. I arranged this through an agency and have to say I had total trust in them, both with my husband and with the house and it has all worked really well. I had always kept important documents, bank statements etc in a locked filing cabinet so hadn't got anything valuable lying around.

I thought it might help you to know that it has worked really well, the agency were really good and hand-picked the carers according to his needs and he accepted them really well. We started off with one afternoon a week and gradually worked up until I was able to have a long weekend away (they do 24 hour care as well) and I now have them in each morning to shower him etc. plus my "afternoon off" and increase/decrease the hours as I need them.

Hope it all works as well for you. Sox
 

Maggie42

Registered User
Mar 7, 2011
120
East Midlands
Thanks Sox
I imagine my course will be very similar to yours ie building up the hours. I am hoping to have a weekend away in August as am lucky enough to have some Olympic tickets and want to take my son, who helps with caring when he is home from Uni. Guess I will just have to see how it goes but I need to be able to get out! The S. W. suggestion that I could shop on line can only be a temporary solution......
Feeling rather overwhelmed at present as things are declining so quickly.
Regards
maggie
 

Purrdy

Registered User
Feb 1, 2011
16
Kent
Carers

I care for my mum with alzheimers and I am a part time carer at a residential home. I appreciate there are all sorts out there but generally we carers are 'carers' and would not steal. By all means lock your things away, I do the same when a carer comes into my mum once a week, after all these people are strangers and most are on very low wages. I can assure you most of us do not do it for the money ( I get £6.75 an hour). There are plenty of us carers out there and in my view the most important thing is to insist on the same carer and try to get to know them as persons.
 

jaynee

Registered User
Nov 27, 2010
7
Kent
Thanks Sox
I imagine my course will be very similar to yours ie building up the hours. I am hoping to have a weekend away in August as am lucky enough to have some Olympic tickets and want to take my son, who helps with caring when he is home from Uni. Guess I will just have to see how it goes but I need to be able to get out! The S. W. suggestion that I could shop on line can only be a temporary solution......
Feeling rather overwhelmed at present as things are declining so quickly.
Regards
maggie
Maggie
As another said the CRB should give you a peace of mind and believe me it is not a probe into your background that can be falsified! You do not have to have council run carers, have you looked into direct payments? This means you get a budget and employ a 'personal carer' that way you interview a person and can rely on your 'instinct and references addressed to you. With this option it would in all probability be your relative or the pa responsible for things disappearing! It is a huge hurdle to get over but I take your frank question as a sign you are caring and concientious. Do everything you can to get to your Olympic outing and pat yourself on the back when you achieve it!
 

maggie123

Registered User
Jan 20, 2012
16
Hi,
Thanks for replies, guess I am just over anxious about the whole thing it's a big step but one I have to make for my own health. My h.b's recent decline has meant it all happening rather quicker than I had anticipated and I still have to adjust to the idea.
Regards
Maggie
Your thoughts have been very helpful to me as I feel that I am nearing the position that you are in. I'm sure that lots of people have been here before,but when it's happening to you for the first time, it's very stressful.