Preparing for mum to leave hospital

[hollysmum]

Good morning! I've posted previously about my mum's recent stay in hospital having suffered sepsis back in August. She's still there, and it seems that steps are being taken with regard to her discharge. She can no longer walk or stand unaided, and her memory and initiation skills have definitely deteriorated, too, since she's been there. She has been refusing to eat, and has refused to do any physiotherapy, and there have been at least two incidences of her really shouting at the nurses to stop whatever it is they are doing. My dad has been told about one incidence of her actually flapping her hand sharply to push away food that has been offered. She managed to fall out of bed, too, one day, although quite how she achieved this, we're not sure, as she has less strength than half a kitten, and the guards are up either side of her bed. She was thankfully uninjured. Of course, she remembers none of these episodes, and indeed, was mortified when told about the shouting. My sister and I are concerned that the hospital will attempt to discharge her back home to my 86 year old father, who wasn't coping with her even before she was ill. She is now doubly incontinent, as she is unable to get herself to the toilet any more (she could do this before her illness). Whilst they have a bungalow, it is not adapted in any way to accommodate her current condition. They have a separate toilet and bathroom, both very small, and the bathroom has no modifications at all - the shower is over the bath, and she couldn't get into the bath in any case. The toilet pan has a frame thing around it for support getting up, and an elevated seat. She has an adjustable bed, and a really nice recliner chair in the lounge. And that's it. My dad will be unable to lift or move her, obviously, so I would envisage her simply staying in bed all day, or sitting in her chair all day waiting for carers to come and clean her up and move her around. That doesn't sound like much fun for either of them, to me. My sister and I are going to attempt to meet with the doctor in charge of her care at the hospital - my dad doesn't even know who this is! He is worse than useless at telling us what is going on, because he just doesn't ask questions - he visits every day, of course, whereas my sister and I have to fit in around work and family commitments. We're not convinced that her eating has been properly monitored, because often, if one of us asks the nurse, she will come back and say "they haven't recorded what she had for breakfast", so we're no wiser. My dad goes in at around lunchtime to oversee what she has to eat then, but of course, by the time her dinner comes around, visiting is over, and they never seem to record what she has then, either, if anything. An occupational therapist visited my dad at home yesterday, presumably to see what their set-up is, and when my sister and I asked him what had happened, and what she'd said, he said that "she just looked at the doors" and that she hadn't said very much really. In other words, he didn't ask her any questions! We really, really hope that she thought, like we do, that it is totally inappropriate that my mum goes home, for both their sakes. There is no Power of Attorney in place, so we're bothered that we'll get no say in the matter, hence wanting to meet with her doctor. We don't even know whether Adult Services are involved - if they are, and my dad's been told, he's not told us! We both know that he is secretly hoping that she'll go home to him - when we spoke to him yesterday evening, he was triumphant that she'd been out of bed and sitting in her chair. However, she certainly didn't sit herself up, put her feet on the ground, stand up and go and sit in the chair by herself, but of course he sees it as a huge step forward to the miraculous recovery that she isn't going to make, but that he hopes for, bless his heart. He also reported that she'd eaten "all" her breakfast (a small bowl of Rice Krispies) and "all" her lunch (Shepherd's pie with mixed vegetables). The day before, though, she ate nothing. He is not considering himself, either, of course - he is 86, after all, and nowhere near as strong as he was twenty years ago, and my sister and I would worry constantly that one or other of them might fall or have some other accident and not be in a position to summon help. Mother did fall at least four times in the year leading up to her recent illness, and every time, it involved an ambulance being called to them. My apologies for the HUGE post, but I know that many of you out there will have been in exactly the place my sister and I now find ourselves, and your views and any advice will be very gratefully received. Catherine xxxx

 

[Jessbow]

It doe sound like adult services are already involved - where did loo frame and raised seat come from? OT is prt of adult services too


What Q's did you want your dad to ask?

What do you see as an alternative to carers 4 times a day to move/change/wash her?
I would imagine hoist would be deployed ( probably quite effectively)