• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Preparing for first Christmas without Mum

Joancz

Registered User
Oct 2, 2019
35
0
Hi,
I lost my lovely mum 6 months ago and am not looking forward to Christmas.
I'm not a fan of the festive season at the best of times, so I won't be celebrating it and the rest of my family (who love it) have decided to give it a miss this year.
I just feel that its 'in your face' and will be hard to ignore. Has anyone come up with any ideas how to get through the day?
Any suggestions will be much appreciated
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,757
0
Hello @Joancz

Make a list and plan your day. What you would most like to do with that day? Have a long walk? Watch a film? Read a book? What you would most like to eat, what would you most like to drink? Buy yourself that film, that book, that food, that bottle of something, plan that walk.

Maybe volunteer somewhere if you prefer but make it something you really want to do, not something you feel you should.

Christmas is a tricky time when you have lost someone and you won’t be alone with that. That might be a comforting thought for the day. There will be lots of us out here.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,692
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
@Joancz

Sorry to read of your Mum.
I lost my Mum in March & my Dad in the June. Both had dementia.
I dont think Ive had an enjoyable Christmas since before Mum went into care 2016.
Its all become rather Ho Hum, going through the motions… especially now my children are older too.
In New Zealand the Covid Delta variant has put paid to any reasonable gathering of more than 10 at this stage… so maybe my husband and I will just have a relaxing day at home.
 

Joancz

Registered User
Oct 2, 2019
35
0
Hello @Joancz

Make a list and plan your day. What you would most like to do with that day? Have a long walk? Watch a film? Read a book? What you would most like to eat, what would you most like to drink? Buy yourself that film, that book, that food, that bottle of something, plan that walk.

Maybe volunteer somewhere if you prefer but make it something you really want to do, not something you feel you should.

Christmas is a tricky time when you have lost someone and you won’t be alone with that. That might be a comforting thought for the day. There will be lots of us out here.
Thank you @lemonbalm,
My favourite things are books, walks and films so you have given me plenty of options. I do a bit of voluntary work, but won't be required on Christmas day, although I would consider helping out sonewhere else.
Maybe I will do all of the above, thanks for your support
 

Joancz

Registered User
Oct 2, 2019
35
0
@Joancz

Sorry to read of your Mum.
I lost my Mum in March & my Dad in the June. Both had dementia.
I dont think Ive had an enjoyable Christmas since before Mum went into care 2016.
Its all become rather Ho Hum, going through the motions… especially now my children are older too.
In New Zealand the Covid Delta variant has put paid to any reasonable gathering of more than 10 at this stage… so maybe my husband and I will just have a relaxing day at home.
@Linbrusco,
Sorry to hear of you lost both of your parents with dementia. I hope your plans work out well and the pandemic does not cause too much disruption. The daily cases here in England are really high so who knows what the festive season will be like?
The media are trying the best to scaremonger, saying Christmas will be cancelled. I for one wouldnt mind that x
 

Rosalind297

Registered User
Oct 14, 2017
111
0
My mother died in April too. I’m actually quite happy to spend the day alone for the first time and am considering declining if asked to go to my brothers for the day. Christmas hasn’t meant much to me for a long time anyway but I’m still dealing with the loss and the circumstances of the loss.

There will a lot of people like us dealing with absences due to dementia and many other causes. Do only those things that comfort you and know that, in spirit at least, you are not alone.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,734
0
North West
Hi,
I lost my lovely mum 6 months ago and am not looking forward to Christmas.
I'm not a fan of the festive season at the best of times, so I won't be celebrating it and the rest of my family (who love it) have decided to give it a miss this year.
I just feel that its 'in your face' and will be hard to ignore. Has anyone come up with any ideas how to get through the day?
Any suggestions will be much appreciated
Difficult to know what to do. I hated my first Christmas without mum after she went into a care home and this year will be the first without my sister too.

I found just taking each day as it comes the best approach looking back, but Christmas changes as we get older that I know for sure and becomes about being with people that matter in our lives more than anything else -whether its in the physical sense or in our memories and thoughts
 

Mydarlingdaughter

Registered User
Oct 25, 2019
138
0
North East England UK
My Mum has also gone now, she went in the summer, and it will be my first Christmas without her. The last 2 she was in the Care Home. I am still going through some of her things. Last Christmas I did not even see her because of Lockdown. Do what you think will be helpful to you and don't worry about what you "should" be doing.