Hi,
First time posting here but have become desperate and at my wits end with how to help my dad and protect us as a family.
Will try and keep it as short as I can. Dad is 90 and lives on his own . Until last August he he was fit and healthy for his age and helping the old people in the community. Then last August he arrived at my house one day , told me he had had a funny turn and now when he looks in the mirror he knows it’s him but he doesn’t know who he is. Fast forward a week after immediately attending a&e with him and subsequent follow ups they put his funny turn down to a TIA. fast forward 6 months and his mental health is declining rapidly and there is definitely some sort of dementia going on. In hindsight now, as a family we can see that his memory and cognitive ability has been declining for sometime, months and maybe even years . His next door neighbour is 60 widowed twice, the most recent being around a year ago. Since dads funny turn last August he has been convinced he is going to marry the next door neighbour. We thought it a really odd thing to say, everyone did, even the medical staff, as no mention of this next door neighbour had been made before in his life. We all put it down to delirium at the time and his ‘funny turn’ . subsequently, speaking to the next door neighbour, she is quite happy to apparently be engaged to my father with the intention to marry. She even drove him to the jewellers and came back with a huge engagement ring and wedding ring . When speaking with him he clearly has no idea of the consequences of marriage or what it means even. I can only describe it as the sort of conversation on an intellectual level you would have with a 3 or 4 year old when you talk about what they think marriage is. He just seems to have an obsession with marriage but can’t explain to me what is actually is. I should add that they do not live in the same house, however she welcomes him into her home and her bed when she feels like it . We are now at the stage where everything changes daily, one day he calls me and tells me an announces he is getting married like he’s never told me before, the next he calls me and tells me the man next door has made him sleep with him, ( he sometimes thinks the woman next door is a man) the next day he calls me and tells me the woman next door has screamed at him like a banshee and she’s an ogre. the next day he calls and tells me he’s getting married to the woman next door. He has forgotten each call and what he has said the day before as he makes them. He has become very child like and you can’t reason with him or explain his behaviour to him . The woman next door, is still saying she’s convinced there is nothing wrong with dad and that he loves her and she will marry him. I have tried to get him to the doctors many times for an assessment as he is going down hill fast and I am concerned on all sorts of levels however he tells me he would ‘rather give that a miss’ I have suggested he move , either in with us ( I’m happy to have him) or move to retirement apartments where he can socialise with people his own age, he’s not having any of it! I honestly believe that the behaviour of his neighbour amounts to nothing less than abuse of a vulnerable elderly man and I desperately need to get him the diagnosis he deserves to be able to support him properly. I have tried social services but that hasn’t helped. His gp is concerned but unless he is willing to see her there is little she can do. The worry is making me ill and I would appreciate if anyone has any suggestions . Sorry for such a long post!
First time posting here but have become desperate and at my wits end with how to help my dad and protect us as a family.
Will try and keep it as short as I can. Dad is 90 and lives on his own . Until last August he he was fit and healthy for his age and helping the old people in the community. Then last August he arrived at my house one day , told me he had had a funny turn and now when he looks in the mirror he knows it’s him but he doesn’t know who he is. Fast forward a week after immediately attending a&e with him and subsequent follow ups they put his funny turn down to a TIA. fast forward 6 months and his mental health is declining rapidly and there is definitely some sort of dementia going on. In hindsight now, as a family we can see that his memory and cognitive ability has been declining for sometime, months and maybe even years . His next door neighbour is 60 widowed twice, the most recent being around a year ago. Since dads funny turn last August he has been convinced he is going to marry the next door neighbour. We thought it a really odd thing to say, everyone did, even the medical staff, as no mention of this next door neighbour had been made before in his life. We all put it down to delirium at the time and his ‘funny turn’ . subsequently, speaking to the next door neighbour, she is quite happy to apparently be engaged to my father with the intention to marry. She even drove him to the jewellers and came back with a huge engagement ring and wedding ring . When speaking with him he clearly has no idea of the consequences of marriage or what it means even. I can only describe it as the sort of conversation on an intellectual level you would have with a 3 or 4 year old when you talk about what they think marriage is. He just seems to have an obsession with marriage but can’t explain to me what is actually is. I should add that they do not live in the same house, however she welcomes him into her home and her bed when she feels like it . We are now at the stage where everything changes daily, one day he calls me and tells me an announces he is getting married like he’s never told me before, the next he calls me and tells me the man next door has made him sleep with him, ( he sometimes thinks the woman next door is a man) the next day he calls me and tells me the woman next door has screamed at him like a banshee and she’s an ogre. the next day he calls and tells me he’s getting married to the woman next door. He has forgotten each call and what he has said the day before as he makes them. He has become very child like and you can’t reason with him or explain his behaviour to him . The woman next door, is still saying she’s convinced there is nothing wrong with dad and that he loves her and she will marry him. I have tried to get him to the doctors many times for an assessment as he is going down hill fast and I am concerned on all sorts of levels however he tells me he would ‘rather give that a miss’ I have suggested he move , either in with us ( I’m happy to have him) or move to retirement apartments where he can socialise with people his own age, he’s not having any of it! I honestly believe that the behaviour of his neighbour amounts to nothing less than abuse of a vulnerable elderly man and I desperately need to get him the diagnosis he deserves to be able to support him properly. I have tried social services but that hasn’t helped. His gp is concerned but unless he is willing to see her there is little she can do. The worry is making me ill and I would appreciate if anyone has any suggestions . Sorry for such a long post!
