Here I am again. Would appreciate your views. We were all set for Mum to be taken to care home for first time next week. Was dreading it but resigned I suppose. Assessment was done at her home as some of you will have seen on my other recent posts. Received call today to say that the home feels Mum is not suitable for their open section (living with non dementia residents) and needs to be on a different floor with specialised dementia care which is locked). Went to home to discuss. Had very long meeting to try to understand reasoning behind their decision based on such a short assessment which they admitted went badly. Their rationale is that mum is vulnerable as she can't rememeber anything short term. Other residents would soon pick up on this and she would be left out etc etc and be unhappy. She would also be vulnerable as she cannot tell who has seen her or possibly been in her room etc. to be honest I can see their point. I think it was a shock. We then tour upstairs in the Dementia Unit. Of course it is completely different.... It would be. The residents have dementia but so does my mum!!! Accompanying family members depressed and in tears. A singing session going on..... Only a few joining in. Most just staring or sleeping. A completely different smell etc etc. All to be expected. Chose another room..... Hopes gone from thinking mum would get more stimulation and company etc to realising how bad she really is. Realisation setting in. We were already dreading next week as my mum is complete denial and I know this is normal. We were already dreading how we were actually going to get her in the home next week. Now we feel once she arrives in this unit she will want refuse to stay even more. I always thought she would be moved as her illness progressed but by then she would not be aware. This has come as a shock as it was never really put to,us that this was a possibility. My mum has such a good public persona until of course you talk to her then realise she cannot maintain a conversation, just nod etc....... Other family members feel angry by home misleading us. I can see all sides. I really can. Now I frantically look for other homes to visit but why? What is the use? they will all probably say the same. Now I am thinking do we get a full tim live in carer which comes with another huge set of problems and also we can't really afford that as then we can't rent her house out. All of us feel depressed..... (Deep down I feared this as time ticked on) but then that is my anger at this disease). Mum had visitors at home today and can remember nothing of them going. But she does refuse to consider live in carers or leaving her home but some thing has to happen to care for her and fast. I feel we need to give it a go and progress as we planned for early next week. But then if she really wants to stay home do we respect her wishes and get a carer or try to find one and struggle with trust issues and finances. We were all set and now feels rug has been pulled. This is complex. It's emotional but more importantly as we all know mum's safety comes first and I have worked so hard to get this far. It would have happened earlier but not been here to be able to do this due to illness. Left it we would come back to home tomorrow. Mean while other family members depressed but no solutions on the horizon. I have made suggestions that we look at carers who advertise privately (no ideal of cost, assume cheaper than agency)? Or look at more homes even though this one is five minutes away and award winning for its care. I still want to go for it. Kind friend who mum likes and trusts has now stepped forward to offer to take her there. I can't do stairs at mums house and also mum sees me as the baddie trying to put her away which I suppose I am. I still know as all of you out there who have helped me know. Mum has to be safe and she would be from early next week.... Would so appreciate any thoughts and advice. I hate the night. Thank you as always. Kerry.