1. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    237
    Health and Welfare

    Hi Rich,

    I was in your position a couple of years ago, with a husband diagnosed at 62. Similarly I had problems with his denial.

    I could see the need for LPA for Finance but not Health and Welfare at that time. I asked advice here on TP and was advised to go for both.

    I took up that advice and we both set up LPAs for both. As we were both going to set this up together, OH was more cooperative. I just got it all set up online and tried to create least stress etc for him. As if it was the most natural thing for us both to do.

    I'm now finding just two years down the line that I am being asked if I have LPA for Health and Welfare as OH doesn't have the mental capacity to sign consent forms for other medical procedures that he needs. He acts as if he understands it all but the consultant could see through it all. He wouldn't fully understand what he was signing for.

    I hadn't thought for one minute I would need this just yet, but thanks to the excellent advice of fellow TPers, I can just use this now to get medical problems sorted rather than have to worry about it.

    Find a way to get this sorted. You will be glad you did.

    Best Wishes,

    JJx
     
  2. Rich p

    Rich p Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    17
    Thanks so much JJ. That seems such good advice from a position of knowledge and experience. I actually think that if I use the .gov.uk online forms it will be a less stressful method for my wife than the formality of a solicitor. I don't have a tame/family solicitor that I could use.
     
  3. Annypurple

    Annypurple Registered User

    May 6, 2015
    44
    #23 Annypurple, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
    We've completed the LPA paperwork on line for my OH who has dementia. It's available on the government website. I did all the work of form filling, as I went through it slowly, it became clear to both of us that there are safeguards for the individual ..... I decided to go through the process of completing it bit by bit. Discussing and answering questions one at a time .... going through the process slowly together was helpful not only in understanding LPA but also who in our family could be relied on to back up if something happened to me. This got the whole thing of his illness talked about at a time when it still felt very new. It was easy to do bit by bit because you can save and return to your form it on the government website.
    By the time we completed it we both understood the purpose of it better.
    Once complete, we took it to our solicitor to check and advise before we sent it off to register. I didn't have the resistance you have as my OH is relieved to hand over - in some ways that's been hard too! I don't want this!! But it is sensible, especially for later when bigger financial decisions need to be made. You need control. As others have said, it has become a normal part of life and aging ... everyone is advised to complete them now, like making Wills. Which by the way, you should also do with your wife because they are also only valid if the person has capacity at the time of signing.

    Hope you manage to resolve this ......

    JJ I have not done medical as our GP said it wasn't necessary if she had a DNR not on file - but thanks for your comments on this, I will return to complete it as it sounds really important for more than end of life decisions!
     
  4. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Hello Rich. I do hope thatyour wife agrees to LPAs
    Personally I would fill the forms in as much as possible so they are ready if/ when your wife does agree.
     
  5. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Health and welfare LPA

    Since joining TP I have read so many posts where people did not have the health and welfare LPA who were encountering problems.
    Often it was to do with confidentiality , so health professionals would not discuss anything with the persons husband/wife or just weren't listened to.

    I look on them like an insurance policy, you have one but hope you never need to use it.
     
  6. eve67

    eve67 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2015
    31
    poa

    am going this situation with my hubby right now. Was dreading bringing the subject up with him but after the drama of last weekend when he forgot where he'd parked the car my stepdaughter has downloaded power of attorney forms from govt website so we can all have a look at them and hopefully fill them out next week.
    She was very straight to the point with him and he has accepted that this needs to be done, you don't say if you have children but your wife might accept it more if she hears about it from them.
    eve67

     
  7. Rich p

    Rich p Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    17
    Thanks everyone who has responded with your solid practical advice.
    I plucked up the courage to broach the subject again after a day or two. I asked her if she'd thought any more about it to which she replied again, "NO" :)
    I then tried the approach suggested, that I was going to do one too. This did the trick and she, albeit reluctantly, agreed. Result!, although I haven't actually got the signatures yet. I shall do it too, it makes sense.
    I have two well-adjusted, sensible and helpful kids of 32 and 34. They'll be the additional attorneys in her case and the main ones in mine.

    In other news I had to tell my wife's aged parents (both 90) of the diagnosis. They are both mentally agile and stoics. It wasn't easy but not as bad as I feared. I can only imagine my emotions if someone was to tell me that sort of news about my own gorgeous daughter.
     
  8. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    I completed the forms on line at a cost of approx £150 each for both LPAs (can't remember exact figure but it was around that) and experienced no problems. Think I had one query from the Office of the Public Guardian (?) but they were very helpful and it was soon sorted. You may find it worthwhile to make some copies when you receive the the actual documents if your OH can still sign as you should never part with the original. They give you the wording for this in the accompanying letter. Otherwise you end up paying solicitors fees for authenticated copies.

    Please don't think I'm being judgmental here as everyone has their own way of doing things but I didn't find it wise to talk to my OH regarding his deterioration. He was frightened enough by what was happening to him and there was nothing to be gained from upsetting him more. It was, and still is, easier for me to agree with his views rather than argue the point.
     
  9. Rich p

    Rich p Registered User

    Aug 4, 2015
    17
    I do understand what you're saying but I need her to understand the necessity of doing the LPA and if she won't accept what's happening then she won't agree to sign it. I hope that by including myself in the process I may have circumvented this.
    I agree that agreeing is often the best option but she is maybe not so far down the road as your OH yet.
    I am making it up as I go along - as everyone else has to as well.
     
  10. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,320
    Female
    East Kent
    Hope this helps

    With more than one Attorney on an LPA.

    Jointly mean they all have to act together in everything.

    Jointly and severally means each can act independently and if an Attorney needs to resign for any reason the others can continue and it doesn't invalidate the LPA like it would if it was just a joint one.
     
  11. its a struggle

    its a struggle Registered User

    SAGA Tale of woe

    Rich, not sure if it is helpful, but after reading several horror stories in a SAGA article on LPA MIL was persuaded by the thought that if there was no POA in place, 'the Government' would decide how her money was spent.
    Sorry I don't have a link to the particular story, you could probably find it in the SAGA archive. It wasn't linked with dementia but a catastrophic accident I think - however the effect was the same - Court of Protection deciding how money could be spent.
     
  12. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    Our financial adviser strongly suggested LPA when my husband had problems, even before diagnosis. Fortunately husband agreed and it is very reassuring now as he has real difficulties signing anything. We have both seen it as helpful to both of us.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  13. JLSW

    JLSW Registered User

    Jul 23, 2015
    14
    Hi,

    Please remember that one has to have the mental capacity to 'donate' power of attorney to another person. In my experience it is vital to obtain both LPA for property and finances as well as health and well being if you want to be able to make decisions on both matters. However, having LPA for health and well being also places a great responsibility on people's shoulders, so if you can share it with one other person then that might be worth considering.

    If LPA for health and well being is not in place, a mental capacity assessment for any decision to do with health and well being will be required and a best interests decision taken. You would be involved in the best interests decision but that does not necessarily mean your wishes will be adhered to, as best interests decisions are taken in conjunction with health and social care professionals in my experience.

    Hope that helps and good luck
     

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