Power of Attorney.

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
632
0
I have recently re done my POA.
My husband died nine months ago. Having been through the experience of caring for him and being a member of this forum I now see it from a very different perspective.
There are so many posts on here where people feel guilty because they have promised their loved ones that they will never put them in a care home.
I have sat down with my family and put them in the picture about what could happen if I were to get dementia.

I have told them and stated clearly in my POA that should I lose mental capacity and become a danger to myself that they should try to ignore any arguments from me and do the right thing.
As they all live 300 miles away from me, I believe that this is the right thing to do.

Im not saying that there wont be difficulties but at least they now know my wishes ( and yes, still being in my right mind I cant think of anything worse) but at least, hopefully it will assuage any guilt on their part should the worse happen.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
I agree @CAL Y

When my husband died, I changed my will, put my eldest granddaughter on the LPA with my son and arranged an advance directive.

My GP has a copy of the advance directive and so does my son.

I haven`t asked anyone to make promises they can`t keep and am thankful to have people I trust


I hope it`s appropriate to add some personal information here.

Both my husband and I had volunteered samples of our brains to be taken on death for Brains for Dementia.

The funeral director accompanied my husband`s body to the local hospital and was allowed to witness the procedure.

He was so impressed by the manner in which the procedure was completed, he went home to have a discussion with his wife and they are now both on the register.

Our son and I saw my husband after the procedure and no one would have known there was anything different about him.
 
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Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,333
0
Victoria, Australia
I have recently re done my POA.
My husband died nine months ago. Having been through the experience of caring for him and being a member of this forum I now see it from a very different perspective.
There are so many posts on here where people feel guilty because they have promised their loved ones that they will never put them in a care home.
I have sat down with my family and put them in the picture about what could happen if I were to get dementia.

I have told them and stated clearly in my POA that should I lose mental capacity and become a danger to myself that they should try to ignore any arguments from me and do the right thing.
As they all live 300 miles away from me, I believe that this is the right thing to do.

Im not saying that there wont be difficulties but at least they now know my wishes ( and yes, still being in my right mind I cant think of anything worse) but at least, hopefully it will assuage any guilt on their part should the worse happen.
And I have told my daughter that I have no desire for her to care for me when I am no longer incapable of doing it myself. She laughed but understands that even if I am kicking and screaming, that is what I want her to do.

I have also completed an Advanced Care Directive as to what should happen about medical care, interventions and resuscitation.

I think that having had the caring experience, you are now taking responsibility for your own future which is great. And what I would like to see more people do that for themselves.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
That sounds very sensible @CAL Y.
When she was in her fifties and having a hard time trying to support my father look after his parents my mother made it very clear that she didn't expect my brother and I to do the same for her.
At the time I thought she was likely to change her mind when she got to the stage of needing that sort of help and so it proved. However I knew that wasn't what the 'real' mum would have wanted so I didn't feel too guilty about arranging for her to go into care rather than trying to look after her at home.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,418
0
Newcastle
I revoked my Lasting Powers of Attorney a few years ago because neither of my Attorneys were suitable: my wife because of her dementia, her son due to our estrangement. It has bothered me from time to time that I ought to set up new ones but I have struggled to identify anyone I might reasonably ask to act as my Attorney.

I don't really have anyone to relieve of the burden of looking after me, but if I did then I would probably follow Cal Y's suggestion.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
30,084
0
Bury
It has bothered me from time to time that I ought to set up new ones but I have struggled to identify anyone I might reasonably ask to act as my Attorney.
With no attorneys if you loose capacity it will be best interests meeting for health and welfare plus expensive LA appointed deputy.

Have you thought about appointing two solicitors as joint and several attorneys, after the initial setting up costs there need not be any further expense until you loose capacity although an agreed fee can be charged for storage.

 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
744
0
Exactly what I’m going to do @CAL Y and I don’t think until you have done the caring bit, that you appreciate how difficult it is. I prefer a more of the “Still Alice” get out clause, but I might not get there either.
 

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
632
0
Thank you for your replies. I’m relieved to know that you think I have done the right thing.
Its quite a scary thing signing over responsibility for yourself but I believe that my nephew is the best person for the job.
He is a very kind and responsible father of two and as my sister’s son I know he has been brought up properly.
Luckily, none of my close family have ever been greedy or money orientated.
I shall now, also look into an Advanced Directive so that a copy can be put on my GP records.
 

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
632
0
Exactly what I’m going to do @CAL Y and I don’t think until you have done the caring bit, that you appreciate how difficult it is. I prefer a more of the “Still Alice” get out clause, but I might not get there either.
I hadn’t heard of Still Alice. Just looked it up.
Seems like a good idea but we all know that in reality you would have to take the pills long before you were ready or it wouldn’t happen at all.
I love life too much to contemplate it.?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
I helped care for my neighbour when I lived in my previous home

He had no children but did have living family who were not interested in him.

His solicitor had the power of attorney and I communicated with the solicitor on my neighbours behalf.

It worked well
 

Valencia72

Registered User
Aug 8, 2022
27
0
This is a great thread and although I'm not yet 50 I'm going to seriously consider all of the above for myself with the hope that nothing changes for me for a long long while!
I have LPAs for my parents (dad currently sectioned with Alzheimer's) and I'm also going to speak to mum about her wishes in case anything should happen with what is mentioned above.
Can I also suggest that for looking after LO's that you get organised from a household/financial point of view. I manage everything for my parents now with bills, renewals, bank accounts etc (though some people may not want the latter to be managed for them) but dealing with all this paperwork takes a lot of the stress away from my mum being dad's main carer and also struggling to understand complicated bills. It also means things aren't left to the last minute when it comes to renewals and deals etc.
I found a useful document on Etsy which helped me to collate household/personal info about M&D so I had it all in one place to refer to and mum/brother have copies too.