Power of Attorney - Mother is no longer "competent"

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by hollysmum, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. hollysmum

    hollysmum Registered User

    Sep 13, 2010
    59
    Good morning everyone - I've not been on here for some time, but my sister and I now find ourselves in quite a difficult situation in respect of convincing our father that Mother no longer has the capacity to fully understand and therefore put her signature to a Power of Attorney. It was around this time last year that he asked a solicitor to come along and start the process to put POAs in place for himself and Mother, with my sister and I, obviously, as the attorneys. His was no problem at all, and it's all sorted. The solicitor, however, was not convinced, quite understandably, that Mother was fully understanding of what we were discussing, and what it would mean. He acted I believe quite correctly in telling my father that he would need to obtain signed assurances that Mother knew what she was doing. During the solicitor's visit, she sat and filled in her crosswords, and then fell asleep - this is quite normal, these days, bless her. He asked her if she had understood why he was there, and what we had been discussing, and what it would mean. She replied "I haven't really been listening, my love". Currently, Father is still faffing around to try and find someone who will state that Mother has the necessary mental capacity to sign a POA. He did telephone the Alzheimer's Society (after an enormous amount of nagging!), but insists that he was advised to contact someone "miles away near Bournemouth" (we live near Southampton), and has therefore done nothing further. My sister and I feel that the situation has now gone beyond there ever being a POA in place for Mother, it should have been sorted before she had deteriorated to where she is now (we did our best to convince him eight years ago when she received her diagnosis). He has even started to deny that she has AD, and has been spouting some nonsense about her having been brain-damaged when she took a tumble whilst in hospital in 2011. She DID take a tumble, but the scan that they gave her to ensure she wasn't badly injured was what showed up the signs of AD, and he seems to have forgotten the rather classic signs she was showing for three or four years prior to the tumble! I'm posting here now because he has asked me if I can find something out about POA "on the computer", and I know that you lovely people hold the best advice ever. Personally, I think my sister and I will be facing a situation where the Court of Protection (or whatever it's called now) will take control, but if there is any other route we can pursue, we'd love to know about it. My thanks in advance, Catherine.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,993
    Nottinghamshire
    Hello @hollysmum

    Your mum only has to understand what she is signing in the moment so as long as she knows that POA gives you and your sister the right to help with her finances and eventually takeover when the need arises then you should still be able to get a POA arranged. It doesn't matter if minutes later she has forgotten.

    I printed the forms from the OPG and a family friend signed to say she believed dad understood. It was easy to do and no solicitor was involved. I think the problem with using a solicitor is that they have to err on the side of caution and go into long-winded explanations which any PWD is going to struggle to follow. It's also more expensive!

    If you have a look "on the computer" for the Office of the Public Gaurdian hopefully you'll be able to sort things out for your mum. It tells you how to fill in the forms and who has to sign what.

    I hope this helps.
     
  3. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,018
    You don't need a solicitor to be involved in this if you don't want to. I did the power of attorney forms for my mother-in-law by downloading the forms from the internet . I used a neighbour of my mother-in-law as the certificate provider she had known my mother-in-law for several years. Mother-in-law had always refused point blank to sign anything so I approached the neighbour and explained what I wanted to do. She then if you like "groomed "my mother-in-law over a series of visits to say that getting power of attorney was something that she was doing and everyone was doing at a later age . At the same time my husband and I took out power of attorney for each other. She eventually agreed to sign the forms. It was all about my mother-in-law not being seen as different to anyone else
     
  4. hollysmum

    hollysmum Registered User

    Sep 13, 2010
    59
    Thank you for this, Bunpoots - I will look on the OPG site!
     
  5. hollysmum

    hollysmum Registered User

    Sep 13, 2010
    59
    Bunpoots, can you tell me which form specifically, or do you have a link I could follow?
     
  6. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    204
    #6 Rosserk, Aug 22, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2019

    Hi I went on the government website to complete POA it’s so much easier than having a solicitor. I was able to fill out the forms print them off and then on a day when my mum wasn’t so confused I called the attorney (my ex boss) and she came straight round. I would never have been able to get a solicitor round on a good day. It was also only 82 pounds so a lot cheaper. Might be worth a look?
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,993
    Nottinghamshire

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