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Power of attorney for father in law with Alzheimers/Care home arrangements

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by sharon2xb, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. sharon2xb

    sharon2xb Registered User

    Sep 4, 2015
    2
    Hi

    Just joined this forum and hoping to get some advice.

    My mother in law has cancer and has now been told it's control rather than cure but have no idea how long she has left. My father in law has Alzheimers and we have just found out from mother in law that they have made no arrangements with regards to a power of attorney. My father in law is in fact a step parent of my husband so we have no family ties and without power of attorney he could end up being put in a home not chosen by us. We are now trying to sort this out, tackling the situation with him could be harder than the legal paperwork. His Alzheimers isn't too bad at the moment, he knows what is going on, just has trouble with his short term memory and finding the right words to use, the main struggle my mother in law has is his mood swings. He gets frustrated as you can imagine. He was diagnosed about 4 years ago so it has held quite well with the medication. We are hoping the conversation about signing power of attorney over to my husband will go okay and that he will past the test that shows he is still mentally competent to make that decision.

    We are trying to sort out a home that he could go into as he has said this is what he would want, part of me is thinking we could look after him as his present condition isn't too bad, but longer term we realise this may not be a good idea with us having young children as well. If we didn't have the children I would not hesitate to look after him myself as I work from home and only a few hours a week. Really not sure what to do about this and what help I would get anyway.

    We also have the problem of my mother in laws estate. She hadn't changed her will so her estate will be left to father in law and then that would all be used for his care.
    We are all still looking into this and she is hoping there is still something she can do about that.

    Any advice on any similar situations would be greatly appreciated!

    Thank you
    Sharon
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Hi Sharon, welcome to TP
    You can do the POA on-line, there's a link below. I'd do it as soon as possible and I'd try and have someone independent know what's happened (like a family friend) so you have verification he has capacity, a GP or letter from the memory clinic (if he attends one) would be better.
    As you say if your grandmother doesn't change her will then the money may end up going in care costs all she has to do it write a new will leaving her half of the house and her money (or half of any joint money) to someone other than her husband; children, relatives, friends the dogs' home or however.
    K

    https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/make-lasting-power
     
  3. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Kevini isn't it necessary for the house to be owned as tenants-in-common before the will can be changed as you describe?
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,715
    Female
    London
    Please arrange both POAs: financial anf health&welfare. It might come in handy with regards to deciding where he is to live.
     
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    You're right if they're not already tenants in common they would need to change to it.
    What I've never figured out is how anyone know, while we had a mortgage we were joint tenants, who do you tell that you've changed to tenants in common?
    My wife and I decided we would be tenants in common but it's not written down anywhere other I guest where we each refer to our "half" of the house.
    K
     
  6. sharon2xb

    sharon2xb Registered User

    Sep 4, 2015
    2
    Thank you for your comments.

    The paperwork has now been drawn up for the Dr to witness to state that he feels my father in law is of sound mind with regards to the POA. We are yet to tackle the conversation with my mother in law about choosing a care home, but personally I feel that he should move in with us until he has had some time to get used to being without her. I can't stand the thought of him going straight into a home. We are going to talk to them about the wills just so we know what their wishes are for the estate and what will be used for his care etc.

    My husband will be one of 3 chosen for the POA, along with his sister who lives in Mexico and his Uncle who is his Mothers brother.

    May need to ask for more advice once we know where we are at.

    Thanks!
     
  7. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,164
    My advice would be not to have the sister as POA, she lives too far away, to be any help when most needed. Uncle, he is of sound mind, and not likely to disagree with difficult decisions, that will have to be made?

    Bod
     
  8. Dill

    Dill Registered User

    Feb 26, 2011
    353
    England
    Hi
    I just wanted to echo Bod's comment about the far away sister.

    I was one of 3 sibling POA's for my Dad. When papers needed to be signed, because all three signatures were needed on various documents, it meant posting them to different parts of the country as we all lived far apart, it held everything up numerous times.

    Dill
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,548
    Female
    South coast
    I think it depends on whether they must act jointly, or jointly and severally. You could have the sister as a replacement in case something happens to the appointed person, but what you dont want is only one person appointed. If there is only one person given POA there is the possibility of that person dying or losing capacity and the whole thing falls apart.
     
  10. Dill

    Dill Registered User

    Feb 26, 2011
    353
    England
    Hi canary
    Yes, now I think about it, we arranged it so my sister, who was nearest Dad, could act alone on most matters, although some things did need all three signatures.
    Dill
     
  11. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    363
    We are joint and several, me and my sister. In practice, I run Mum's finances and Mum has sufficient capacity to be consulted about the simpler things. Major things I tell my sister about, but as she seems to take little interest, in practice, this is more tell than ask. As the welfare poa comes in only when capacity is lost, I think you do need at least two otherwise you are making the DNR type decisions on your own, if it comes to it, and I think that is too much for one person to carry.
    I believe that a joint tenancy can be dissolved by a simple written declaration - might be worth googling it.
     
  12. Pegsdaughter

    Pegsdaughter Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    129
    London
    You can down load the forms to change to tenants in common and notify the land registry as they hold that information



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