Power of Attorney dispute - cannot continue with this

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by kkoo, Apr 13, 2015.

  1. kkoo

    kkoo Registered User

    Aug 20, 2013
    20
    Hi - I'm in a mess.
    On top of my mum having dementia and my dad being old, frail and depressed without her - my brother is not acting fairly as joint attorney.
    He has always been irrational and impulsive and has a violent temper.
    I deeply regret agreeing to being joint attorneys without the inclusion of a solicitor. At the time we were going through hell - crisis after crisis with mum being sectioned twice. I thought my brother and I were going to mutually support each other and foolishly I trusted him.
    I should have known better as he has always been a very difficult person - but very often in life we hope people have changed...
    Now - as joint attorneys we are responsible for our parents. I feel a huge commitment to act in their best interest.
    My brother has stopped me pursuing what I thought was the best care home for my mum (it would have involved fighting a CCG decision) His reasons against the home were made up lies and irrational arguments that didn't make sense. I proved him wrong but he shouted at me to shut up. Eventually we had to go to a mediation session with our solicitor where again my brother sat and told bare-faced lies.
    Now we are looking at care homes again (the last one didn't work out so unfortunately mum was taken back into hospital) and again my brother is telling lies and is now trying to force through a care home choice without my input. It is impossible to have calm, reasonable discussions with him and come to joint decisions. He has been violent with me in the past. I can't see how POA will ever function properly. He is not going to change.
    Has anyone found themselves in a position where the joint power of attorney with a sibling becomes unworkable?
    Any similar experiences would be helpful - I'm seeing a solicitor this week to get some advice - but I know this could be a very expensive battle and I can't afford to pay solicitors indefinitely.:(
     
  2. mrjelly

    mrjelly Registered User

    Jul 23, 2012
    317
    West Sussex
    Hi kkoo,

    Sorry to hear about your family difficulties. From what you said about your Mum being sectioned, I assume she does not have the capacity now to revoke the current LPA and make a new one with you and your solicitor as attorneys.

    If you have a "joint" LPA instead of "joint and several", then I think the LPA will end if you disclaim your attorney role and there is no replacement attorney under the original LPA. In that case, the Court of Protection would probably appoint a solicitor as a deputy to manage your Mum's finances.

    I'm not so sure about Health & Welfare LPA with joint attorneys. If that were cancelled, then perhaps the final decisions about your Mum's care would have to be taken by her social worker with input from the family.

    I hope you can get something sorted out. It is hard enough to find the right care, without added stress from difficult relations.
     
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Sorry I feel I cant help as I have little experience with this and don't want to give you wrong info. I just couldn't read and pass on by.
    I hope you can get this sorted asap , It seems to me that sadly your brother should not have been chosen for the LPA, but that was your Mums decision at the time not yours.
    I can only guess how worried and upset you must be.

    Later today I am sure that you get further replies with some more helpful info
     

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